Community (TV Series)
Advanced Gay (2011)
Larry Cedar: Cornelius Hawthorne
Photos
Quotes
-
Cornelius Hawthorne : These are your friends, Pierce?
Shirley Bennett : Hello.
[singsongy]
Cornelius Hawthorne : Minorities, Jewesses, and the unseasonably tan?
Britta Perry : That is inappropriate! And maybe you'll give that more weight since I'm "white."
[waves fingers in spooky fashion]
Cornelius Hawthorne : You've got a wide brow. What are you, Scandinavian?
Britta Perry : Yeah, Swedish.
Cornelius Hawthorne : [spits in disgust] Swedish dogs! Your blood is tainted by generations of race mixing with Laplanders. You're basically Finns!
Shirley Bennett : Oh, my goodness, he's like the Abed of racism.
Jeff Winger : Okay, since no one's willing to ask, what's going on with your hair?
Cornelius Hawthorne : Ordinary toupee hair is harvested from the heads of the godless oriental. Solid ivory is the only way to be assured of true follicular purity, while still identifying myself as a man of means.
Britta Perry : I can excuse racism, but I draw the line at animal cruelty.
Shirley Bennett : You can excuse racism?
Britta Perry : [shocked silence, shakes head and mouths "No"]
-
Jeff Winger : So what brings you here? I'm assuming it's not for your son's party. Unless "segregationist mummy" is a gay fetish I'm unaware of.
Pierce Hawthorne : Actually, uh, after discussing with my father, the party's off, and we're canceling pride wipes.
Cornelius Hawthorne : Stand up straight, Piercinald, when talking to the lower classes.
-
Cornelius Hawthorne : Piercinald Anastasia Hawthorne!
Pierce Hawthorne : Father.
Cornelius Hawthorne : We need to talk... *boy.*