Archer (TV Series)

The Double Deuce (2011)

George Coe: Woodhouse

Photos 

Quotes 

• Woodhouse : Lieutenant Scripes abhorred the way Reggie, err, Captain Thistleton carried on with the men.

  Sterling Archer : Yeah, didn't Oscar Wilde get hard labor for that?

• Woodhouse : Oh, I'll just yank his pants off, splash a lot of scotch and women's underthings about, and then tell him he slipped and fell chasing a terrified Asian prostitute out onto the patio. It's not the first time I've bashed his head in and had to cover my tracks. Happens three, four times a year.

• Sterling Archer : Woodhouse? What the hell is this?

  Woodhouse : I believe it's squash, sir.

  Sterling Archer : What are you shoveling it into?

  Woodhouse : The wee baby Seamus. Miss Trinette said you'd agreed to it while she's in Atlantic City for the weekend.

  Sterling Archer : WHAT!

  Woodhouse : For the Pimps and Ho's Ball I believe she said. Didn't seem the sort of place one takes a baby.

• Sterling Archer : Why are you sitting? At my table?

  Woodhouse : The paper sir. There's an item.

  Sterling Archer : Oh, yeah. Did somebody finally out the queen? Right? This baby knows what I'm talking about.

• Woodhouse : Not much left of the old Double Deuce any more. We're all dying off.

  Sterling Archer : Yeah, uhh, not a huge surprise.

• Woodhouse : Hell indeed, sir, because, one at a time, the remaining survivors of the old Double Deuce... are being murdered.

  Sterling Archer : Oh, my God. Are we out of Bloody Marys?

• Woodhouse : Gave birth to you right there on that greasy bar. I cut the cord and I've been with your family ever since.

  Sterling Archer : You... You saw mother's VAGINA! Oh, my god! Ahhh! Oh, god! Oh, I can't breathe.