The Inbetweeners (TV Series)

The Fashion Show (2010)

James Buckley: Jay Cartwright

Quotes 

• Jay Cartwright : [sarcastically]  Oh well done you've mastered walking like a knob and looking like a dick at the same time!

  Simon : This is actually enjoyable, in an 'I'm shitting myself' kind of way

  Neil : If you've shit yourself in them trousers, I ain't touching them!

  Simon : Of course I haven't

  Jay Cartwright : You walk like you have!

• Jay Cartwright : What about my human rights?

  Mr. Gilbert : You have to be human for those to apply, Cartwright.

• Jay : [after being rejected as a model]  Well, this is fucking bang out of order! I'm first reserve! It was me Charlotte wanted, she chose me, that's the only reason I'm doing it. They'll be sorry! I'll show them.

  Will : "Columbine massacre show them" or "Futile gesture show them"?

  Jay : Whatever's worse.

• Simon : [to Carly]  Carly?

  [to Will after Carly walks away] 

  Simon : What did you say to her?

  Will : Nothing. Maybe a small dose of 'the truth'.

  Simon : Will, seriously, you have to stop cock-blocking with all this 'principle' shit.

  Will : Simon, if Nelson Mandela hadn't stood up for his beliefs, where would we be now?

  Jay Cartwright : We wouldn't have Nelson's Column for a start.

  Will : Yes we would.

  Simon : I'd better have a piss before this starts.

  Neil : And a poo, Si.

  Will : [to Jay]  What have you done?

  Jay Cartwright : It's my new look.

  Simon : What, the Pat Butcher look?

  Will : I'd say it's more Pirates of the Caribbean.

  Jay Cartwright : Exactly.

  Will : If the pirates shopped at Matalan.

  Jay Cartwright : Yeah well you won't be laughing when I'm getting all the pussy because I'm up on the catwalk.

  Simon : You're not gonna be on the catwalk, you aren't modelling.

  Jay Cartwright : I'm first reserve.

  Will : What, in case the models fancy themselves so much they actually eat themselves.

  Neil : Oh, you would if you could, though.

  Will : What?

  Neil : Suck yourself off.

  Will : That's not what I meant.

  Jay Cartwright : Yeah but I bet you've tried it, we all have.

  Neil : Oh I managed to lick the tip once but it took a lot of stretching, twice a day for a couple of weeks.

  Will : Well thanks for sharing, Neil.

  Simon : Right, I've gotta go, I'm desperate for a piss.