Archer (TV Series)
Dial M for Mother (2010)
Chris Parnell: Cyril Figgis
Quotes
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Cyril Figgis : This isn't my fault.
Sterling Archer : It's exactly your fault, idiot. When mother found out you cheated on Lana...
Cyril Figgis : You cheated on Lana plenty!
Sterling Archer : Yeah, but with starlets, models, oh, and one time two actual princesses.
Pam : Two at the same time?
Sterling Archer : Yeah, they were sisters.
Pam : Sploosh.
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Cyril Figgis : You slept with her too!
Sterling Archer : When I was bored!
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Cyril Figgis : Why would Ms. Archer give us until Friday?
Pam : I did that, because somebody in this building is going to have sex with me.
Sterling Archer : Yeah? You think between now and Friday you can score some roofies?
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Lana Kane : OK, we got the French chick and Carol and... anybody else, Rambone?
Cyril Figgis : Nooo.
Scatterbrain Jane : [Waving as she walks past the open office door; in sing-song voice] Hiiii, Cyril.
[Her light laughter turns into coughing and hacking]
Lana Kane : Scatterbrain Jane? Really?
Cyril Figgis : Well, say she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer.
Lana Kane : [laughing] Oooh, right, I forgot your dick's full of radiation and mastectomy coupons.
Cyril Figgis : Boy, you are just so determined not to be cool about this.
Lana Kane : Yep. Anybody else?
Cyril Figgis : Um.
[Memory flashback to being in Malory's office]
Cyril Figgis : Ms. Archer, you're trying to seduce me.
[Malory is heard to laugh]
Cyril Figgis : Aren't you?
[Flashback ends]
Cyril Figgis : NOPE! No one.
Lana Kane : Okay; get out.
Cyril Figgis : Of my own office?
Lana Kane : Yep.
Cyril Figgis : Why?
Lana Kane : Oh, you don't wanna be here... when I bang every last dude in the building.
Cyril Figgis : WHAT?
Lana Kane : Right here on your blotter.