Community (TV Series)
Basic Genealogy (2010)
Chevy Chase: Pierce Hawthorne
Photos
Quotes
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Pierce Hawthorne : Jeffrey. Aw, come here, son.
[hugs Jeff]
Jeff Winger : [sways side to side] Are we hugging or dancing?
Pierce Hawthorne : You know, if the roles were reversed, I would've had sex with your ex-stepdaughter.
Jeff Winger : I did.
Pierce Hawthorne : Chip off the old block. It was either that or deal with your actual pain.
Jeff Winger : What pain?
Pierce Hawthorne : 12 O'clock
[looking past Jeff]
Jeff Winger : [Jeff looks over his shoulder and spots Michelle] Oh, are you kidding me?
[pained expression appears and Jeff begins to quietly weep]
Pierce Hawthorne : It's okay. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Let it out, let it out.
Jeff Winger : [crying on Pierce's shoulder] We always use to watch the shows she wanted to watch. I hate Glee!
Pierce Hawthorne : I'm not crazy about Glee either.
Jeff Winger : [sobbing] I hate it. I don't understand the appeal at all.
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Pierce Hawthorne : Jeff, what are you still doing here?
Jeff Winger : I go to school here, remember?
Pierce Hawthorne : Well, Amber, there's a Pictionary tournament in the student lounge. Would you like to play?
Amber : Sure. Is Jeff joining us?
Jeff Winger : I can't. I have to go.
Pierce Hawthorne : [to Jeff] Come on, stay.
Jeff Winger : I can't.
Amber : Then maybe I shouldn't stay either.
Pierce Hawthorne : [to Jeff] Stay.
Jeff Winger : You think I should?
Pierce Hawthorne : I think you have to.
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Jeff Winger : Well, you're too gorgeous to be a teacher, and you're too happy to be a student. Take me to where your car broke down.
Amber : I'm here for family day. I'm looking for my family.
Jeff Winger : Oh, well, I'm sure at the very least I can fill in for a creepy Uncle. Jeff.
Amber : Amber.
Pierce Hawthorne : There she is! Look at you, all grown up.
Amber : Hey.
Pierce Hawthorne : Jeff, this is my stepdaughter, Amber.
Jeff Winger : Small world.
Pierce Hawthorne : No, actually, it's a very big world with five billion other women in it.
[chuckling]
Pierce Hawthorne : Good luck. Come on, I'll show you around.
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Ben Chang : Looks like Pierce broke the piggy bank at the escort service this time.
Pierce Hawthorne : Hey! Duck sauce, that was rude. The call girls I frequent are not nearly as attractive as my daughter.
Amber : Stepdaughter. Technically ex-stepdaughter.
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Pierce Hawthorne : You know, your mother April...
Amber : Wanda. Her name's Wanda.
Pierce Hawthorne : Was it Wanda?
Amber : Yes.
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Pierce Hawthorne : Over the course of seven marriages, ive amassed some 32 stepchildren. And obviously, Amber's my favorite.
Amber : Yeah, there was something about his mass emails that made me certain this would be a family reunion.
Pierce Hawthorne : Sure is, sweetie. She's going to photography school.
Jeff Winger : Oh, that sounds interesting.
Pierce Hawthorne : Keep it in your pants, Winger. You're embarrassing yourself. She may be hot, but she's my princess.
Amber : Step-princess.