Hetalia: Axis Powers (2009–2016)

Hiroki Yasumoto: Germany

Quotes 

• Italy : It's been a while since I slept with you, Romano.

  Romano : Shut up! You should have at least two beds in your place!

  Italy : How weird... I usually sleep together with Germany and Japan.

  Romano : [Grabs Italy's throat]  You still get along with them!

  [Repeatedly bashes his head into his brother's] 

  Italy : Bro, I can't breathe. Bro, I can't breathe!

  [Cut to Germany's office; his phone is ringing. He picks it up] 

  Italy : Germany, save me! I'm on my bed and my brother is- ow!

  Romano : Not there!

  Italy : It's stuck! OW!

  Romano : Put down the phone, you fool!

  Italy : TAKE IT OUT!

  Romano : Put it down!

  [Line goes dead] 

  Germany : [Slightly disturbed]  His brother's... stuck..."ow"... take it out...

  [Germany bursts into Italy's room] 

  Italy : Italy, are you okay! What's going-!

  [He realizes the brothers' signature hair curls are merely tangled with each other] 

  Italy : Germany, you're late!

• Austria : You moron! Why did you become allied with Italy?

  Germany : Well... let's just say that there's a lot more to it than you think. It's better to have more people on our side, isn't it?

  Austria : No! He's probably mass-producing white flags as we speak! I'll express how angry I am with this piano.

  Germany : Alright, go for it.

  [Austria proceeds to play a lengthy piece. Germany waits patiently] 

  Austria : Do you understand now?

  Germany : So your anger is Chopin...?

• Germany : [Narrating]  One night, I couldn't sleep well and opened my eyes...

  [cut to a disheveled looking man standing over him] 

  Germany : to find some strange guy staring at me.

  Roman Empire : What? So this is Italy's ally? For some reason, I'm a bit annoyed.

  Germany : Who the hell are you!

  Roman Empire : What did you say? You must be really ignorant if you don't know who I am. As you can see from my sculpture-like beauty, and my steel-like strength, I'm none other than the great Roman Empire, the supreme ruler of the Mediterranean!

  [Germany points a gun in his face] 

  Germany : Get out, you suspicious bastard! What are you planning? On top of that, impersonating the Roman Empire, a man I have deep respect for, is unforgivable!

  Roman Empire : I'm serious though...

  Germany : Shut your trap! From now on, speak only when you're answering my questions. Who the hell are you?

  Germany : Whoa, food!

  [takes a bite of a raw potato] 

  Germany : I'm the great Roman Empire.

  Germany : Because of what you just said, I've decided to put a bullet through your head.

  Roman Empire : Don't get so worked up! Come on, you heard my beautiful voice, remember?

  Germany : That was you? Well, why are you here?

  Roman Empire : Oh yeah, I forgot!

  [pulls back Germany's bedsheets to reveal a content Italy, deep in sleep] 

  Roman Empire : I came to see my precious grandson!

  Germany : Hang on! Why is he in my bed?

  Roman Empire : [Cuddles Italy]  Gosh, you're so damn cute! You're such a good boy!

  Germany : A dream! A dream! This is all a dream!

• Germany : [Germany is training Italy]  Alright, beginning with instructions. Today concerns your interactions in the military with your inferiors!

  Italy : [Salutes]  Yes, sir! Germ - er, Captain!

  Germany : Okay, first off. Before they're your inferiors, they're human beings. Thus, it's important to touch them gently.

  Italy : [Pets the cat he is holding]  Gentle? Stroke, stroke.

  Germany : And sometimes, you must be strict!

  Italy : Strict! Paw out!

  [Repeatedly squeezes the cat's paw] 

  Italy : Squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish!

  [the cat licks Italy's face. He screams] 

  Italy : Captain! What's happening? This is mutiny! It's mutiny!

  Germany : The hell are you doing, Italy!

• Germany : Dear diary. Today, Italy was attacked by England and France while I was out.

  [Cut to England hitting Italy on the head] 

  Italy : [Whimpering]  Ve, ve, ve, ve, ve, ve...

  Germany : Hey! Quit hitting Italy when I'm not around!

  [England runs away] 

  Germany : Get back here! Hit him again, and I'll shape Iona up like a heart!

  [Runs after him] 

  France : Take this!

  [Hits Italy as he cries] 

  Germany : [Offscreen]  CUT IT OUT!

• Germany : [Training Italy, holding a grenade]  I'll teach you how to use a hand grenade. First, remove and discard the pin to arm it.

  [Removes the pin with his teeth and tosses the grenade, which explodes tremendously on the cliff in front of them] 

  Germany : Then throw it at the enemy's position... is how it goes. Think you can handle it?

  Italy : [Dazed as usual]  Yes, understood! If it's just that, I think I can do it if I try!

  Germany : [Is then hit in the head with something]  Hey, don't throw it at-!

  [Turns and sees he was hit with the grenade pin, and Italy has the grenade in his mouth, humming] 

  Germany : You've got it backwards! Backwards! Hurry up and throw it! If you don't hurry up and throw it, you'll go "boom"!

  [Screams in horror]