Hetalia: Axis Powers (TV Series 2009– ) Poster


[England is attempting to curse Germany by summoning a demon through a magic ritual]

U.K.: I summon thee, from faraway lands! Come forth!

[Russia's head emerges through the pentagram in the floor]

Russia: You called?

Italy: It's been a while since I slept with you, Romano.

Romano: Shut up! You should have at least two beds in your place!

Italy: How weird... I usually sleep together with Germany and Japan.

Romano: [Grabs Italy's throat] You still get along with them!

[Repeatedly bashes his head into his brother's]

Italy: Bro, I can't breathe. Bro, I can't breathe!

[Cut to Germany's office; his phone is ringing. He picks it up]

Italy: Germany, save me! I'm on my bed and my brother is- ow!

Romano: Not there!

Italy: It's stuck! OW!

Romano: Put down the phone, you fool!


Romano: Put it down!

[Line goes dead]

Germany: [Slightly disturbed] His brother's... stuck..."ow"... take it out...

[Germany bursts into Italy's room]

Italy: Italy, are you okay! What's going-!

[He realizes the brothers' signature hair curls are merely tangled with each other]

Italy: Germany, you're late!

[Russia, America, England, France and China are roasting marshmellows around a fire as England sings a demonic song]

U.K.: The fire flares up and burns it to a crisp./Enflames it from side to side and burns it to a crisp./It leaves not a trace...

America: [Hysterical] I feel like we're summoning a devil or something!

Austria: You moron! Why did you become allied with Italy?

Germany: Well... let's just say that there's a lot more to it than you think. It's better to have more people on our side, isn't it?

Austria: No! He's probably mass-producing white flags as we speak! I'll express how angry I am with this piano.

Germany: Alright, go for it.

[Austria proceeds to play a lengthy piece. Germany waits patiently]

Austria: Do you understand now?

Germany: So your anger is Chopin...?

Italy: The other day, I had an extremely disgusting pizza. England made it.

Germany: [Germany is training Italy] Alright, beginning with instructions. Today concerns your interactions in the military with your inferiors!

Italy: [Salutes] Yes, sir! Germ - er, Captain!

Germany: Okay, first off. Before they're your inferiors, they're human beings. Thus, it's important to touch them gently.

Italy: [Pets the cat he is holding] Gentle? Stroke, stroke.

Germany: And sometimes, you must be strict!

Italy: Strict! Paw out!

[Repeatedly squeezes the cat's paw]

Italy: Squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish!

[the cat licks Italy's face. He screams]

Italy: Captain! What's happening? This is mutiny! It's mutiny!

Germany: The hell are you doing, Italy!

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Germany: [Narrating] One night, I couldn't sleep well and opened my eyes...

[cut to a disheveled looking man standing over him]

Germany: to find some strange guy staring at me.

Roman Empire: What? So this is Italy's ally? For some reason, I'm a bit annoyed.

Germany: Who the hell are you!

Roman Empire: What did you say? You must be really ignorant if you don't know who I am. As you can see from my sculpture-like beauty, and my steel-like strength, I'm none other than the great Roman Empire, the supreme ruler of the Mediterranean!

[Germany points a gun in his face]

Germany: Get out, you suspicious bastard! What are you planning? On top of that, impersonating the Roman Empire, a man I have deep respect for, is unforgivable!

Roman Empire: I'm serious though...

Germany: Shut your trap! From now on, speak only when you're answering my questions. Who the hell are you?

Germany: Whoa, food!

[takes a bite of a raw potato]

Germany: I'm the great Roman Empire.

Germany: Because of what you just said, I've decided to put a bullet through your head.

Roman Empire: Don't get so worked up! Come on, you heard my beautiful voice, remember?

Germany: That was you? Well, why are you here?

Roman Empire: Oh yeah, I forgot!

[pulls back Germany's bedsheets to reveal a content Italy, deep in sleep]

Roman Empire: I came to see my precious grandson!

Germany: Hang on! Why is he in my bed?

Roman Empire: [Cuddles Italy] Gosh, you're so damn cute! You're such a good boy!

Germany: A dream! A dream! This is all a dream!

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Germany: [Training Italy, holding a grenade] I'll teach you how to use a hand grenade. First, remove and discard the pin to arm it.

[Removes the pin with his teeth and tosses the grenade, which explodes tremendously on the cliff in front of them]

Germany: Then throw it at the enemy's position... is how it goes. Think you can handle it?

Italy: [Dazed as usual] Yes, understood! If it's just that, I think I can do it if I try!

Germany: [Is then hit in the head with something] Hey, don't throw it at-!

[Turns and sees he was hit with the grenade pin, and Italy has the grenade in his mouth, humming]

Germany: You've got it backwards! Backwards! Hurry up and throw it! If you don't hurry up and throw it, you'll go "boom"!

[Screams in horror]

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Germany: Dear diary. Today, Italy was attacked by England and France while I was out.

[Cut to England hitting Italy on the head]

Italy: [Whimpering] Ve, ve, ve, ve, ve, ve...

Germany: Hey! Quit hitting Italy when I'm not around!

[England runs away]

Germany: Get back here! Hit him again, and I'll shape Iona up like a heart!

[Runs after him]

France: Take this!

[Hits Italy as he cries]

Germany: [Offscreen] CUT IT OUT!

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Italy: [On the phone with Japan] Listen to this! I woke up earlier than Germany for once!

Japan: Are you serious? We must celebrate this occasion with a dish of red bean rice!

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[Germany is shopping at a supermarket, while a narrator comments in Japanese and English]

Narrator: You're a German. Out shopping. Luckily, you were able to obtain a bunch of sausages, but the check-out area is really crowded.

[We see all the countries lined up in the check-out area, with Germany at the end]

Narrator: This is because the cashier is Spanish, and they're known for their carefree and easy lifestyle. That's why a crowded check-out area is a daily thing to them. To make matters worse, the easygoing Greek is putting his groceries up *very* slowly. This scene is natural in Greece.

[Southern Italy, whistling nochalantly, cuts in line two people ahead of Germany, who is beginning to become frustrated]

Narrator: Then an Italian cuts in line. In Italy, cutting in line is a normal thing to do. Did that irritate you? The Austrian in front of you is even angrier.

Spain: Oh, really?

Greece: Yup.

Spain: Oh, really?

Greece: Yup.

Spain: Oh, really?

Greece: Yup.

Narrator: Oh, no! Now the Spanish and the Greek have started to chat!

Italy: [Walks up and stands in line behind Germany] Ve, ve, ve, ve, ve, ve, ve, ve...

Narrator: Another Italian. He didn't cut in line, but he's really loud. The Japanese man wants to say something, but he doesn't.

Austria: [to the cashier among the gradually increasing commotion] Hey, you! Take your job seriously! Look how long the line is! Are you listening, you moron!

Russia: Dunno, the line looks normal to me.

Spain: [Completely oblivious to the chaos] Oh, really?

Austria: For Christ's sake!

Sweden: Another peaceful day...

Finland: Well then, I'll tell you a funny joke while we're waiting in line!

[the entire line has now erupted into chattering, bickering, and America laughing obnoxiously in the background. Germany appears to be at the end of his rope]

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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