Abe's Tomb (2007 Video) User Reviews

Abe's Tomb: Genuinely painful to watch

[Platypuschow · 2/10 · 27 August 2018]

I'm not a Hollywood fanboy, not a person who demands big budgets and blockbuster effects and have a long history of enjoying independent movies but this is why such films have such a bad name.

Abe's Tomb is a hyper low budget tale that tells the story of a town under siege by vampires and those setting out to stop them.

It looks like it was made using a handicam, most of the actors had this as their first role, the film looks ugly, the film sounds ugly and the whole thing is so bad it becomes a combination of unintentionally funny and genuinely painful to watch.

Common sense should have made the creators class this as a comedy, a slapstick mockery of a vampire film but instead they played it seriously and made something that is the very definition of embarassment.

It's so hard to describe to someone who has never seen a film like this it seriously has to be seen to be believed.

The Good:

Erm......no

The Bad:

Painfully bad acting

Fight scenes are embarassing

Looks plain cheap

Cringe inducing

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

A penny can make you the richest man on the planet

German Lugers are standard police issue

EMT outfits, now designed to be sexy

Ugh

[Edward_Skullpipe · 1/10 · 30 November 2008]

Wow, what a stinker. I love the genre, but this I can't believe this even got published.

I'm not sure about the other comments about hot girls and hilarious characters - the hilarious part is that these guys even can be called actors.

My expectations were very low, and this fell well beneath them. If you don't have the budget for decent cinematography or actors, at least have a compelling story to start with.

Agreed with the kudos to the filmmaker for completing the project, but hopefully this was a "warm up" to better projects to come.

You have GOT to be kidding!!!

[spfx1-1 · 1/10 · 3 September 2009]

This film goes to show you that many small distributors have absolutely no shame (or standards) when it comes to determining what they will distribute. And it shows even more that there are filmmakers out there that are absolutely clueless about their skills and talent. That being said, let's get down to specifics...

First, the story, direction and acting were atrocious. So what if there were hot chicks and real guns. If I wanted that, i'd get "Hot Chicks with Machine Guns - Vol. 2". I wanted a movie with good acting, story and direction. This film failed miserably in those departments. This was also probably the most technically incompetent film i have ever seen in my life. My neighbor's 15 year old kid does better stuff than this. Camera-work, lighting (don't think there was ant lighting) sound (muddy, noisy, no ADR done) editing (looked like was done on iMovie) editorial pacing and continuity, even basic film grammar (can anyone say "180 degree rule"?) were absolutely ignored. It very much looks like somebody said "Hey! I watch movies! How hard can it be?!?"

My friend, you have shown that it's more than you can do. Better luck next time.

Don't rent or buy this film.

If you ignore the weak acting, mediocre writing, tiny budget, cheap effects, and unoriginal plot, it isn't all that bad.

[TheWildGoose · 4/10 · 21 March 2009]

To be perfectly honest, I find it difficult to find a single word of clear-cut praise for this film. The acting never gets better than mediocre, and is at times laughably bad. The dialogue creaks, making me wince at a few of the sillier lines (delivered, of course, with deadpan earnestness). The film was obviously shot with a budget of about zero dollars, and the effects are pathetic, in the rare instances they actually exist. Finally, the whole "vampire plague" thing has been done to death, and many of the plot elements were so familiar that I felt they had been cobbled together from other works.

Despite all this, though, I could not help but like the movie a little bit. Perhaps I just felt sympathy for what was obviously a heroic effort by a no-budget team to make something entertaining; in any case, I was rooting for them all the way, even through the many less-than-stellar scenes. Is "Abe's Tomb" really worse than all those other cruddy vampire movies that were blessed only with bigger budgets, and whose bad actors happened to have famous names? All in all, "Abe's Tomb" maintains a certain charm despite itself.

Not a good movie

[Nick_Denife · 1/10 · 13 October 2008]

Okay, let's get the good out of the way first: kudos to Carl Meritt, his crew, his actors, and everyone else who wasted their time making this excrement at seeing it through to completion. Making a feature length movie is a very hard thing to do, but Meritt & company were up to the task.

Making a GOOD feature length movie, however, proved to be beyond their reach. This is one of those "I just got a new camera! Let's make a movie!" - type movies. I just don't get why people with limited budgets insist on making films with a scope way beyond what they can afford. Firing guns and setting off explosives does not make a movie good.

Don't waste your time with this one. Just go to You Tube and watch the trailer if you want to make up your own mind.

Addendum: This is to Cody Perkins from Sandusky. My name is Nick D'Amico from Cleveland, and I sat through ABE'S TOMB from beginning to end. I'm wondering two things right now: if you actually saw this project, how in the name of all that is right and good in this world recommend it to other people? If I'd bought this film on your recommendation, I'd track you down after watching it and make YOU give me my money back. As it is, I saw a copy a friend had purchased and lost no money, but something even more irreplaceable - 90 minutes of my life.

I'm not going to run the movie down again - I said all I have to say about it in the space above - so now I'm going to ask you just what in the hell your "Cinema Wasteland" story had to do with the way you felt about the movie. Do you seriously believe that anyone who reads it will see it as anything other than an attack on someone who didn't like the movie, that they won't realize you're shilling for Carl Merritt (probably in the hope of landing a part in "Abe's Tomb 2")? That you make a completely unwarranted attack on someone who actually makes a living working in film and knows what he's talking about? I find it hard to believe that you could talk to this "drunk young punk" for as long as you did and not remember his name but remember the names he dropped while criticizing the movie you bought. In my judgment you fatally compromised whatever good things you said about "Abe's Tomb" with this long-winded attack on someone you never even met. You are nothing but a shill for a lousy movie, Cody, an everyone knows it.

Abe's bomb

[movieman_kev · 1/10 · 5 February 2009]

A small town (along with a good portion of the United States) is infested with vampires and the only hope of it's survival rests with some vampire hunters and Abe, a supremely powerful monster whom doesn't exactly have any love lost for the town himself. But can even he save the doomed town?

I'm a strong supporter of low-budget film provided the story is good (this isn't) & the dialog is tight (this ones isn't even serviceable). Also the movie is endlessly padded by numerous scenes that are boring and do nothing to advance the, admittedly threadbare, plot of the movie. Oh and it didn't really help that the acting was utterly atrocious.

My Grade: F

DVD Extras: a 4 minute photo reel; trailer for this film; and trailers for "Puppet Show" (has nudity) & "Unborn Sins"

Redeeming features made me enjoy this despite myself

[macdautle · 4/10 · 6 July 2019]

First off, I actually enjoyed this movie somewhat. It was a mixture of good points and bad - enough good that I didn't mind watching it and wanted to see it through to the end. That doesn't happen often with these lower grade flicks - often I'll wander away at some point and never get back to it. Saw it through and was glad I did. Let's get the bad out of the way first: the acting was as pretty darn atrocious. You don't expect Shakespeare in these movies, but... darn! Pretty one-star, here. Ok. That's been said. The good? Its rare to find a novel approach to a conventional B-movie theme, but this one did it. The writing (again, no Shakespeare here) wasn't bad and came up with a few interesting twists on the subject. Abe? The story would have worked fine without him, but he was used judiciously enough to make the inclusion allowable. {shrug} No harm, no foul. For the most part, worth a watch, definitely. But maybe not a second one.

Terrible movie

[cncswiss · 1/10 · 2 March 2009]

I can think of only one reason why anyone would say this movie is good; they Produced it and need people to rent the DVD. No normal human would like this terrible movie, or claim it is any good. I tried to be Open minded and judge it as a B movie, but it's not a B movie, it's an F movie! It's not good enough to be called a B movie, and some B movies are good. But this movie is totally stupid, and not worth watching, and I rate it as the worst movie of the year! It is a Vampire Movie but the Vampires teeth look like the kind you buy your kids for Halloween! Totally fake! One monster or creature, not sure what it was, did not move its mouth when it talked so it was obvious it was a KMART mask from the toy section. Some of the actors, who seem to have been hired from Malls instead of the Actors Guild, are bratty teenagers, one playing the part of a sluttish official police officer and flying Aircraft, "as if she would have the capacity." None of these Moron children can act. But if you're a child molester, you might like it! The rest of the actors are so terrible they should be banned from the Movies! And the story line is so awful. No build up, no nothing, just straight to a bunch of phony Vampires. You would be better off watching an old 1950's Chiller Horror Movie, a Spaghetti Western, or nothing!

Fail

[billgoldbergmania · 4/10 · 24 November 2008]

Abe's tomb is a extremely low budget movie.

It's not even a b-movie, think d-movie here.

Something the local video store clerk shot with his new camera.

The story is bad, the acting is bad, the editing, lighting, ... all bad.

I had to to turn it off 30 minutes into the movie.

What else is there to say? The costumes look like bad halloween costumes. The vampires dress up as s&m slaves, "Abe" is some guy with a black dress and 20 dollar skeleton mask and the town folks dress like people from a 80's mentos commercial.

I give this a 4, mostly because there were some hot girls in it.

Yes, I'm that shallow.

Nothing short of breathtaking in its absolute awfulness.

[Foreverisacastironmess123 · 4/10 · 30 March 2018]

Oh by all that is holy was this ever double-barrel shotgun mega-BAD!! I couldn't stop laughing but it wasn't exactly in a good way, it was because I was so astonished at how dirt cheap everything was and just how little effort was put into every aspect of it, and what really cracked me up was the dead flat line delivery of the 'actors', the way they sounded it was like it was probably the first takes of the scenes and that they were in such a rush to get the project wrapped up that they didn't bother with little things like proper rehearsals. It felt pretty shameless, and came off more like someone's grainy fantasy role playing home weekend movie than a coherent legit picture of any kind, the complete lack of technical or directorial expertise was glaringly apparent throughout every minute of it! And while not exactly what you'd call complicated the plot was so drawn-out and mind-numbingly dull that I couldn't really follow it, there was some nonsense about a bland old man with a handlebar moustache who was supposed to be some badass cop and some idiot in a bathrobe and a cheap halloween skull mask who was meant to be some wish-granting powerful demon and vampires.. Who the hell cares, it was mostly nothing but boring anyway, which I'll have you know is the very worst thing any movie ever can be, high or low budget. I do get what the other reviewer who suggests that it has a charm despite itself is getting at, it's on that level that I've enjoyed bad movie gems like Crazy Fat Ethel, Zombie 90, and the famous Troll 2, but this just doesn't have enough enjoyable elements to it for it to work on the enjoyably bad level, it's just mostly plain bad, you name it this film does it wrong, it's just lousy and so so cheap! It plays like Birdemic but with all the hilariousness and cheesy fun of it all sucked out. If there's one positive that you may take from watching this abomination, it's that by the end of it you'll feel like you could make a movie of your own if you wanted to! Bury this turkey deep and forget you ever saw it. x

Real Good!

[allendempsey1970 · 10/10 · 23 August 2008]

Totally micro budget indie movie but I liked it! Some good acting and some bad but the movie as a whole was awesome! It sure isn't your typical terrible low budget vampire movie! There was some real thought going into the story here! Like I said I liked it a lot! Okay I got to add more lines b/c it says there has to be a minimum of 10 lines, so all I can say is if the people that made this had more money for more special FX and things like that, then I would say you would see this movie on TV some day. But the cool things were the guns, the pretty girls and that bomb that blew up. That blonde cop with the long hair was HOT and so was that evil redhead! That explosion looked REAL now I'm tell ya! and that guy that looked like Santa Claus was FUNNY! I laughed my a** off whenever he came on the screen! But I think the BEST thing about this movie was how involved the story was! I don't know who thought all that up but they done a good job with that story. I just wish the company had more money to make this movie! That's what you have to remember when you watch this movie. It's NOT made in Hollywood but like ALL indie movies it was made by people just like you and me that have real jobs during the day. Keep that in mind when your watching this movie and you will be impressed!

family fun!

[darth_sexual · 7/10 · 28 August 2008]

I had the opportunity to catch "Abe's Tomb" last year after my brother came back from Cinema Wasteland in Cleveland, Oh, and I have to say that It's not very often an Indie film concerning vampires comes along that doesn't rely on boobs and blood and gore in order to sell the story. Abe's Tomb really raises the bar when it comes to what to expect from an indie film concerning plot and story movement. yes, there is some good acting, some great acting and some bad acting but thats to be expected from an indie film. The girls are SMOKING HOT without nudity and the onslaught of the vampires is done is such a creative way that I can actually let my kids watch this film and not worry about them having nightmares for the next few weeks. The guns were awesome and as I said earlier the vampires were smokin hot! Lisa Adore is gorgeous and Manda Webster's death scene is a MUST SEE (it's very hot) The director and writer really impressed me with story and how well it came together and my kids LOVED it. DO NOT expect a Hollywood budget, cast, and f/x with "Abe's Tomb". I would suggest a big bowl of popcorn, your family and a good night of entertainment with a film that is truly fun for the whole family!

Don't be fooled by jealous people

[ironworkcp · 10/10 · 3 October 2009]

A funny thing happened to me at the Cinema Wasteland convention in Cleveland this afternoon. A friend and I was coming out of the dealer room to go to the bar when some young punk heard us talking about the cute girl working at the Carl Merrit Productions table inside and approached me. He was drunk or high on something, had greasy hair and his clothes looked like they were purchased at Good Will. He began talking about Mr. Merrit's movie as though it were trash. He said he was involved in the local film community and advised us to return the movie and get my money back without even watching it. I was confused because another friend of mine that I see at this convention every six months once said this was a good movie so that's why I bought it. We were amused by this young idiot so we listened to him to get a quick laugh. It sounded like he was jealous. He begged us to buy him a beer and went on roasting Abes Tomb with highly technical babble as if he were a real professional in the film industry and we should listen to him because he knew what he was talking about. Yeah right. A young punk in his twenties being another Steven Spielberg! What a laugh! He said that he was a friend of somebody very well known in Hollywood by the name if Alan Tusk. From the way this kid went on it sounded like this hotshot Hollywood filmmaker Alan guy was also jealous of Abe's Tomb. This was all making me like Abe's Tomb already and I couldn't wait to get back up to my hotel room to watch it on my portable DVD player! After a few minutes we got tired of listening to this creep and went back inside the convention. We see another movie producer selling his product behind a table and after we talk for a while I bring up the subject of Abe's Tomb and told him what I heard. I learned a lot about Cleveland film people from this nice and obviously successful film producer today. I was told that Alan Tusk and his cronies at a production company called P13 Entertainment were made fools of by Carl Merrit when Abe's Tomb won award after award at regional film festivals. It seems Tusk and his people went public early on in production saying Abe's Tomb would never fly. They began recruiting people to trash Merrit's movie on every pubic forum they knew. When it won awards and went on to television and then world wide distribution Tusk was embarrassed and he now urges people not to buy Merrit's product so Merritt won't have enough money to produce a 2nd movie. I heard about this IMDb website and how movie people are cutting Merrit down. I was then told Tusk is an outcast in Hollywood. I was also told that Merrit just lets all these petty lies continue because he's not the sort to stab others in the back. I was so angered by this I wanted to talk to some of these punk movie makers but was told most don't have the money to attend this convention. I wondered how they could make a movie if they didn't even have $15 to their name? So I went to search for Merrit. He still wasn't at his dealer table. I found him outside on a break talking to someone. I interrupted and shook his hand. Not only for completing a movie but for being a real man. Everyone in the group outside was waiting for an explanation but I just left. Unlike backstabbers like those from P13 Entertainment and other wannabe film people Merrit IS a real man. After all I see none of HIS comments on here backstabbing his competition, all I see are jealous comments from others obviously in the film industry. I eventually went back to my room and after taking a shower and ordering pizza I unwrapped Abe's tomb and unpacked my DVD player. I just finished it and came to this so called professional website to proclaim that my hunch about Merrit's movie was right. I liked Abe's Tomb. It was in fact about the best independent movie I ever bought at this convention. There were no boobies like most of the other independent horror flicks made today because Merrit's vampire movie didn't NEED that sort of childish crap from actual whores claiming to be upcoming starlets from Cleveland. Sure lighting flopped in a couple places but this is an independent movie not a 10 million $ Hollywood production. Anybody knowing anything about independent movies at all knows to expect small imperfections like this. One of the things that make independent movies so fantastic to watch is the fact that quote ONE LONE MAN unquote with limited resources can make a movie with 90 % of the quality of a movie made in L.A. that has a budget as large as the gross income of some small countries. Merritt did a excellent job making Abe's Tomb and I'll be keeping his movie in my collection. Roasting others is how most independent film people in Ohio do business on a daily business. They backstab and anonymously try to put other film producers in ruin with lies on any public forum. After reading what's already on this website I'm sure they will respond to my comment with more lies also. Merrit is obviously above that sort of immature behavior and it shows in his work. I'm Cody Perkins from Sandusky and I'm here to publicly proclaim that I liked the movie Abe's Tomb and I'm sure everybody else that enjoys independently made movies will also. Congratulations Mr. Merrit and to all your independent actors for a job very well done! I hear there will be a Abe's Tomb 2. I'm looking forward to watching it!

Cinematic Avante Garde that flaunts traditional 'Movie Status Quo'.

[Kung_Fu_VooDoo · 10/10 · 27 November 2015]

This movie hits you hard. Like, in the kidneys. Or maybe the cojones. With all of mainstream Hollywood totally committed to such outdated principles as "Don't look at the camera!" and "Deliver your lines smoothly and with a contextual emotional response appropriate for the scene" this movie literally SHATTERS all of these conventions. The fourth wall? WHAT fourth wall? Camera glances abound. While most movies rely on continuity in order for the viewer to understand what is taking place, "Abe's Tomb" does away with such outdated modalities and simply labels all the characters. How do we know he's Police? Because he has a hat and a shirt that says, POLICE. How do we know she's a vampire hunter? She carries the most versatile of personal protection weaponry, a claymore. How do we know that girl is a vampire? She hisses. A LOT. And she fights her battles in a skin tight black dress and thigh high leather boots. But, it doesn't stop with mere nomenclature of characters. What truly propels this movie over the top is the writing. Oh dear GOD the writing. It's all unconventional, however, some lines deserve special attention, which I will relate directly: "Explain your existence." "Come on now, show yourself. I know you're here and you were reported to be here in the last thirty minutes." My personal favorite: "One thing I want to tell you, you stink." "Yea, well, so does life."

There is a supernatural creature named Abe that does something fairly important to the loosely assembled series of events that make up the "plot". You'll recognize him as the character you want to give extra candy to at Halloween time so he doesn't feel bad about having a really bad costume.

One final note: The redheaded chick. You think her acting was a bit off? Well when you consider how badly she wanted me the entire time they were filming, you can understand why she might be having a bit of a difficult time acting. Poor girl.

To wrap up, I just want to add, I saw on the the IMDb web page for this piece of sheer genius that the estimated budget was $100,000 which begs the question, what did they do with the other $98,000?