The Middleman (TV Series)
The Pilot Episode Sanction (2008)
Matt Keeslar: The Middleman
Quotes
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[Wendy and the hideous monster stand before the heavily-armed Middleman]
The Middleman : Excuse me, Ma'am, but I'm going to have to ask you to step aside.
[beat]
The Middleman : The human.
[sighs]
The Middleman : The one on my left.
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[creature runs around noisily while being tased]
The Middleman : Heck of a mess, huh.
Wendy Watson : Excuse me?
[Creature explodes - all is quiet]
The Middleman : I said, heck of a mess. Huh.
Wendy Watson : Whatever. I'm a temp.
[sirens approach]
The Middleman : Hey, now! The heat's on its way. Okay, cowgirl, here's your marching orders. Anyone asks, this was a gas main explosion. I was never here, this conversation never took place.
Wendy Watson : Marching orders? What about that hentai tentacle monster?
The Middleman : [shrugs] Tell the truth if you want, but if you do, I'm going to have to root you like a hog and kill you.
[beat]
The Middleman : Sorry. So, what's it going to be: Keep the secret, or death?
Wendy Watson : What do you think?
The Middleman : Ma'am, specificity is the soul of all good communication.
Wendy Watson : [beat] Yes. Duh.
[his wristwatch Voice Stress Analyzer reads 99%]
The Middleman : Outstanding. You're good under pressure.
Wendy Watson : Are you hitting on me?
The Middleman : Just making an observation.
Wendy Watson : [not quite under her breath] Hellooo, nutjob, party of one.
The Middleman : No, Ma'am. I'm just The Middleman.
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The Middleman : I tell ya. Some chucklehead's always tryin' to take over the world.
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The Middleman : Self-knowledge is the gateway to freedom.
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The Middleman : No more monologuing, or I'll Swiss-cheese you on principle.