Pirates of Ghost Island (2007 Video) User Reviews

You must be kidding.

[bernie-122 · 1/10 · 20 November 2007]

"the sea sometimes has a destination of it's own."

You may or may not notice something wrong with the above statement. It appears during the intro of this "film". The apostrophe does not belong. One sees a lot of this sort of thing in forums and chatrooms, even occasionally in an advert, but never as part of a film. After seeing that, I knew what was coming.

Even so, I wasn't prepared for some of the worst acting I've seen in years. I've seen much better performances in porno films.

At first I thought it must be a spoof or some sort of comedy, but by 15 minutes into it, there was no doubt that they were playing it "straight". If it were a comedy, even an unintentional one, there could have been some reason to sit through it. Alas, no such luck.

The women aren't even good enough looking for there to be any interest in that department.

The fact that it was shot on camcorder is ultra-obvious to anybody, and shakily hand-held at that.

Believe me, this makes Uwe Boll's stuff look Oscar-worthy. The acting makes Dolph Lundgren look like Johnny Depp.

I can't come up with enough superlatives to convey how bad this really is. If the budget went over $100, it would have to be because the camcorder rental came to more than they expected.

Unfortunately, this board doesn't allow for minus ratings, else I'd give it about -7. Avoid this no matter what.

Be warned...!!

[chaosholm · 1/10 · 4 December 2007]

Possibly one of the worst movies I have ever seen - and I have seen a lot!!

The plot is stupid, lacking intelligence and could have been written better by a three year old moron. The acting is a six letter word none of the people involved in this misery of a movie have ever heard of. And the costumes - well I have seen better at kinder garden plays. I don't mind watching low-budget, moronic movies (like 'I bought a vampire motorcycle' and 'Sgt. Kabukiman, NYPD'), because I usually find them rather amusing (much to the dislike of my friends) - but this one? If I ever told anyone to watch it, I'd be certain that I would never see them again. I love movies and usually try to find the best in them - even when it seems terribly hard - but there is absolutely nothing good or even slightly positive about this movie. I would rather have open brain surgery without anesthetics for a couple of weeks than laying my eyes on this 'movie' ever again. I almost feel like I should apologize to the people behind this production because of my harsh comments... but actually they should be apologizing to me (and everybody else) who wasted precious time of their lives watching this... this... well - you know what I mean. Anyway - if you get the chance to see this movie.. go do something constructive instead - like cleaning your stairway with a toothbrush or count the hairs on your head... It'll be so much more worth while...

Horror or comedy? You decide.

[helibobber · 1/10 · 4 December 2007]

Sometimes a movie comes along that makes you sit there and go 'wow!' This is one of them. I can only imagine that this movie was made on a bet. No one, and I mean no one involved in the making of this movie will ever list it in their resume. Frankly I'm surprised that those involved haven't attempted to hack into the IMDb database to remove their name(s). Maybe they have tried, I don't know. It's a tossup whether to call this movie a horror flick or a comedy. To call it a comedy excuses much of the acting and special effects (esp. gratuitous amounts of candy apple red blood splashed all over people). These scenes evoke a lot of laughter so I guess it was meant to be a comedy. In one scene for example some babe in a bathing suit is attacked by some tree branches which calls for the candy apple red blood dousing. In another scene a fearsome(?) pirate unsuccessfully tries to scale a cliff and rockets past the viewer downward as if he were shot out of a cannon. Repeated DVD player playbacks of this scene alone justify the movie being considered a comedy. I can go on about it but I think you get the idea. Would I watch it again? No, I think there are worse movies out there that are much better to watch. If you know what I mean.

The only thing piratey about this movie is that it blows.

[em89072002 · 1/10 · 15 December 2007]

This is a real contender for the worst movie ever. I looked at the user rating breakdown to see how it got a rating more than one and found that a few people (possibly with some connection to this flick) actually gave it 10 stars, which is an abuse of this system. Yet the vast majority of people had given it very low ratings, so there's some hope that honest reviews will be given.

Everything (story, dialogue, acting, directing, costumes, effects) in this movie is awful. The story is ridiculous; it's free-form. It starts on one premise (stranded teens on a haunted island) and goes off into various bizarre directions and unrelated dead-ends. The dialogue isn't at all realistic; it's stiff, shallow and often just explanatory because the story line and acting aren't strong enough to convey even the simplest ideas. These so-called actors are just pathetic; their voices, movements, line deliveries and interactions are all off. The direction is absent; it's more improvisation, like here's an idea - now go act it out. But, again, the actors can't act so it fails miserably. To that add a visually ugly film. The scenery appears drab, the pirate garb looks like cheap Halloween costumes or something borrowed from the closet of H.R.PufnStuf, and the blood looks to be watered-down red food coloring. The camera work is juvenile; there's a crude part where a teenage girl in a bikini is standing on the beach and the camera pans up her dysmorphic body and just stops at her crotch, which may be an indication that this crew is moonlighting from their real job shooting porn.

All the characters are just nasty; not an interesting one among them. When the girl is consumed by the shrubbery, I found myself rooting for the vegetation. Near the end the two lead characters engage one of the most inane conversations that I've seen in movies. It's here we're told that Brad has lost his scholarship (no surprise there) and is dropping out of college to join the service so that he can secure a better future for himself. To which his oft demonically possessed girlfriend quips 'What about us (i.e. ME)', seemingly indifferent to the slaughter of their friends and the danger that still exists. This movie is a total waste of time.

The fact is...this movie really sucks

[Geoff-21 · 1/10 · 19 October 2008]

The comments already posted for this movie suggest enough to describe how bad this movie is. Getting through it was truly a test of endurance. If you must see it for whatever reason, I suggest turning it into a drinking game. One is called "Fact is". One character says it almost every time he speaks; by the 18th time I was wishing for his death. Another game is "I really wish we could go home right now," the favorite line (no less than 5 mentions) of the blonde girl in the red bikini. Now that you're good and drunk, take time to take in the dime store costumes, props, and effects: pirate costumes from the party store, tiki torches from the hardware store, cut off limbs shown by burying the severed part in the sand and then sprinkling red syrup on the "stump", etc. Just don't expect coherent acting, character development, or plot. I want my hour twenty back.

impossibly bad

[louannmitch · 1/10 · 13 March 2010]

I cannot believe this film is in circulation. It has the talent and budget of a middle school film project. The special effects are certainly "special" but not in the positive sense of the word. When I checked out the actors I saw that a lot of them had a filmography of 1.

There are some films which are so bad that they're good and go on to be cult classics. This is not one of them.

I have, however, been encouraging people to watch this (as long as you can do it without having to pay money), because it has to be seen to be believed. I can go on about how bad it is but you need to see it so that you can watch in wonder at something which is truly appalling.

Yarrrr there be crap here!

[vegeta3986 · 1/10 · 27 October 2008]

First of all, i should apologize. A week ago i stated that Dark Fields was the worst horror film i had ever seen in my life. and until then, it had been. That is until i saw the travesty that is "Pirates of Ghost Island". you'd think with words like pirates and ghosts, it would be awesome. But it turns out to be more disappointing than Jason 9.... only with less of a budget.... and crappier script if that's possible...and K-Mart Pirate costumes.

This movie really gives horror movies a bad name. The acting is nonexistent as can be seen from the vaguely euro-something girl who gets killed by wiping fake blood all over herself next to a tree and the pirate grim reaper dude who kills a dude with one dart which magically turns into 6 on contact. who we never see again by the way. the ending was abysmal with it being nothing short of the villain giving up after an incredibly stupid speech from the main character. but hell, i would too.

the camera quality is very odd too. it changes from production quality, to dirty lensed back of the studio cameras, to fred's home camera.

With terrible script writing, horrible acting, and overall crapfest job, This film should never have made it out of mrs. field's high school film class receiving a barely passing grade of a D- and a note saying "see me after class" let ALONE make it onto DVD and be sold to the general public, if there was a rating lower than 1, i would give it to it. but sadly there's not and it'll have to suffice. Congratulations are in order i suppose. no other film has made me second guess the sheer craptitude that Dark Fields had to offer, but shockingly, this one did. So take your golden crappy and do what you like with it. as for this movie, it dwells in Davy Jones' locker, with a 1. out of 10