Pirates of Ghost Island (2007) (V)

User Rating:

1.9/10   

Director:

Mitch Toles

Writers:

Kristin J. Johnson (writer)
Pauline Thomas (writer)

Release Date:

11 September 2007 (USA)

Genre:

Horror

Tagline:

When a ship-wrecked group of friends arrive on a secluded beach, they get much more than they bargained for.

Plot:

After enjoying a graduation party amid a cruise, an unexpected storm strikes, stranding a group of young...

Cast

William Landsman	...	Brad
Maya Gilbert	...	Squid
rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Tate Ammons	...	Coast Guard
Tristan Baker	...	Mike
Jennifer Cascio	...	Callie
Ralph Finisterre	...	Native Ghost
Stephen Francis	...	Dutch
Noa Geller	...	Dawn
Robin Grattide	...	Conqueistador
Phil Heiple	...	Trickel
Jim Lee	...	Pirate on Beach #2
Jami Philbrick	...	Shark
Melissa Powell	...	Sarah / Liza
Thomas Stiver	...	Captain Stye
Mitch Toles	...	Clever
Arthur Whittam	...	Cascabel

MPAA:

Rated R for violence and language.

Runtime:

USA:80 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Certification:

USA:R | Germany:16

Filming Locations:

Los Angeles County, California, USA

Company:

Lightning Home Entertainment

You must be kidding.

"the sea sometimes has a destination of it's own."

You may or may not notice something wrong with the above statement. It appears during the intro of this "film". The apostrophe does not belong. One sees a lot of this sort of thing in forums and chatrooms, even occasionally in an advert, but never as part of a film. After seeing that, I knew what was coming.

Even so, I wasn't prepared for some of the worst acting I've seen in years. I've seen much better performances in porno films.

At first I thought it must be a spoof or some sort of comedy, but by 15 minutes into it, there was no doubt that they were playing it "straight". If it were a comedy, even an unintentional one, there could have been some reason to sit through it. Alas, no such luck.

The women aren't even good enough looking for there to be any interest in that department.

The fact that it was shot on camcorder is ultra-obvious to anybody, and shakily hand-held at that.

Believe me, this makes Uwe Boll's stuff look Oscar-worthy. The acting makes Dolph Lundgren look like Johnny Depp.

I can't come up with enough superlatives to convey how bad this really is. If the budget went over $100, it would have to be because the camcorder rental came to more than they expected.

Unfortunately, this board doesn't allow for minus ratings, else I'd give it about -7. Avoid this no matter what.