Metalocalypse (TV Series)
Dethwater (2006)
Brendon Small: Skwisgaar Skwigelf, Pickles the Drummer, Nathan Explosion, Dick 'Magic Ears' Knubbler, Charles Foster Ofdensen
Quotes
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Charles Foster Ofdensen : Okay, so you want to re-re-re-record in the ocean. In. I see. No, problem, sure. I...
Nathan Explosion : No, no, not IN the ocean. INSIDE the ocean.
Charles Foster Ofdensen : Okay...
Nathan Explosion : In the heaviest, deepest, most brutal part.
Charles Foster Ofdensen : All right.
Nathan Explosion : The Mariana Trennnnnnnch!
Charles Foster Ofdensen : Well, let me make some calls.
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Nathan Explosion : [the band is reviewing the mix for its new album. Nathan stops the music to think] Huh.
[he cracks his knuckles]
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : [resignedly] Here we go again.
Pickles the Drummer : [Nathan's finger hovers over the "delete" button] Okay, wait. Before we do anything drastic, let's put this all in perspective, Nathan, okay? Look.
[he stomps on a pedal, bringing down a video screen]
Reporter #1 : Dethklok has spent a reported 500 million in the recording studio so far ...
Reporter #2 : [Pickles stomps on another pedal] - fan suicide rate is up, due to the album's late release -
[a fan shoots himself in front of the camera]
Reporter #3 : [Pickles stomps on another pedal] - sources have corroborated that the band has recorded SIXTEEN individual albums, all deleted ...
Reporter #4 : [Pickles stomps on the last pedal] - sources say the Dow Jones decline is directly related to Dethklok frontman Nathan Explosion's constantly deleting a potential new album ...
Pickles the Drummer : [Nathan moves his finger back to the "delete" button as his bandmates urge him not to push it] No, no, no, no, no, don't, no -
[Nathan pushes the button and deletes the album]
Pickles the Drummer : No!
[everyone groans]
Pickles the Drummer : Mmmm! Mother-douchebags! Did it again.
Toki Wartooth : Aw, dudes, what's wrong with that one?
Pickles the Drummer : Let me guess: not "heavy" enough? Not "tuned low" enough? Not "BRUTAL" enough?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Dudes, we can'ts not tone it down any lower.
William Murderface : Well, maybe it'd be better if I just killed myself, huh? Why don't you record that, huh? Would that be BRUTAL enough for ya, me being dead?
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Somebody should tells Murderface that it's not always - always about him.
Pickles the Drummer : So what? Now we're all the way back to square effin' one?
Nathan Explosion : Yeah, that's right. But here's what we're gonna do: we're gonna re-re-re-record it... right there.
[he points to a spot on the globe in the middle of the ocean]
Nathan Explosion : Right there!
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Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : [after having his face almost peeled off by listening to "Mermaider"] Stop - the track! This is amazing! I mean, there must be *billions* of fish out there! It's a totally untapped market. And so many hits, too!
Nathan Explosion : "Electric Eel Chair."
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : Yeah!
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : "Scaled and Gutted and Undercooked."
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : *Yeah*!
William Murderface : "Scuba Tank Filled With Farts."
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : YEAH! You boys knocked it completely outta the park.
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : [aside] I am back on top!
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : [to the band] I'm goin' straight to the label!
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Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Pfft! Oh great, probably some dick-nosed record producer, comes to try to tell us how to makes metal. Don't knows snakes from dildos about that. Get in line.
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Nathan Explosion : This is metal... for fish.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Fish don't gots no good music to listen to.
William Murderface : Yeah, it's true.
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Nathan Explosion : [Murderface is eating a giant bucket of beans] Maybe take it easy on those beans, Murderface?
Pickles the Drummer : Yeah I know man, have a little decency. I mean, we're stuck together in a freakin' submarine for Christ's sake.
William Murderface : Murderface:
[Spills beans everywhere]
William Murderface : Fine, how 'bout I starve to death, how's that?
[farts]
William Murderface : Aw, excuse me. These boots are killing my feet!
[takes off his boots, farts]
William Murderface : These feet stink.
[vomits]
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Nathan Explosion : Now shut up and listen to this, dick. This is metal... for fish.
Skwisgaar Skwigelf : Fish don't gots no good metal to listens to.
William Murderface : Yeah... it's true.
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : Fish, huh?
Nathan Explosion : This one's called "Mermaider."
William Murderface : It's about mermaid murder.
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General Krosier : All right. Let's - whoa!
[he sees Knubbler's bleeding eyes]
General Krosier : Dear God, Knubbler, your face! What've they done to you?
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : It's called "metal," General.
General Krosier : Well, we need to know exactly what they've been up to.
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : "What've they been up to?" They been up to kickin' ass and takin' names!
General Krosier : Knubbler!
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : Put that in your port, General Krosier!
General Krosier : What the hell is going on down there?
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : Dethklok is AMAZING! The album is gonna rock so hard!
General Krosier : KNUBBLER!
Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : The drums ROCK! The bass ROCKS! And the guitar - ohhh, the guitar ROCKS! Check it out! CHECK IT OUT!
[he turns the music on full blast]
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Pickles the Drummer : Mother douchebags!
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Pickles the Drummer : Ok, calm down, remember, we gotta be professional, ok? Unless he pushes us. In which case I swear to god I will effin' knife him in the...
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Dick "Magic Ears" Knubbler : My body's having a little trouble adjusting to the oceanic pressure down here, I'm sure I'll feel better once I've had some pop rocks and Coke.
[Drinks, nose starts bleeding]