The Simpsons (TV Series)

Homer Simpson in: 'Kidney Trouble' (1998)

Harry Shearer: Jasper, Robot #3, Cowboy #2, Dr. Hibbert, Lenny, Taffy Shop Owner, Cards Man, Reverend Lovejoy

Quotes 

• Grampa Simpson : [finishes a drink]  Ah, can't get a good sasparilla like this back in Springfield. It angries up the blood.

  Bartender : Heh, you like it, huh?

  Grampa Simpson : Up yours!

• [after drinking too much sarsaparilla at a town bar, Grampa needs to use the bathroom as the Simpsons are driving home] 

  Homer Simpson : We're almost home, Dad. Only a couple more times over the horizon.

  Grampa Simpson : But I might explode!

  Homer Simpson : You just sit back and relax. I'm not going to let anything happen to my old dad.

  [Scene cuts to Dr. Hibbert holding an X-ray] 

  Dr. Hibbert : Oh my God! This man's kidneys have exploded!

• Robot 1 : Hey, these cards are marked.

  [table falls] 

  Robot 2 : Now look what you've done.

  Robot 1 : I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.

  Robot 3 : Let's forget this whole thing happened.

  Homer : What the heck is this, a tea party? Somebody kill somebody.

  [Homer smashes a bottle on a robot's head. The robots begin to shoot Homer, who dives under a table] 

  Marge : What is it with you and robots?

• Marge : Aren't you going to perform the last rites?

  Rev. Lovejoy : That's Catholic, Marge. You might as well ask me to perform a voodoo dance.

• [Homer has joined a crew of "lost souls"] 

  Woman : We wander the seven seas trying to forget.

  Homer : Forget what?

  Englishman : Oh, boy, here we go.

  Woman : My story of jilted love is long and bittersweet. If anyone has to go to the bathroom, go now. I don't want you walking around during my story.

  Englishman : My story's better, it has tigers.

• Robot #1 : Hey, these cards are marked.

  [One of the robots stand up and flip the table over by mistake] 

  Robot 2 : Now look what you've done.

  Robot #1 : I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me.

  Robot 3 : Let's forget this whole thing happened.

  Homer Simpson : What the heck is this, a tea party? Somebody kill somebody!

  [Hits one of the robots with a glass bottle, the robots grab fake guns out and shoot Homer]