Who's the Boss? (TV Series)

Pilot (1984)

Tony Danza: Tony Micelli

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mona Robinson : Angela, what is the problem?

  Angela : The problem is, Mother, you sent me a man for a housekeeper.

  Mona Robinson : Oh, don't be sexist. A man can do meaningless, unproductive work just as well as a woman.

  Angela : Mother, Mother, the housekeeper's room is very close to mine.

  Tony : Oh, hey, don't worry about me. I keep a can of mace by my bed.

• Tony : Sam, I want to to meet some real nice people. This is Mona Robinson.

  Samantha Micelli : [shaking Mona's hand]  Nice to meet you.

  Tony : And this is Angela Bower.

  Samantha Micelli : [shaking Angela's hand]  Oh, I'm very pleased to meet you Miss Bower. You have a lovely home, and you're so pretty.

  Angela : Oh, thank you. I'm very flattered.

  Samantha Micelli : [looking at Tony]  That's the idea.

• Angela : You threatened my son?

  Tony : Yeah, I...

  Angela : [looks at Jonathan and then back at Tony]  It seems to be working.

• Angela : Yeah, so, I'm just going to let what happens happen.

  Tony : Oh, hey, hey, oh. If you just let what happens happen, when what you wanted to happen happens, you're not going to know whether it happened or not.

• Tony : There are some things that are no good for you, like Crunchy Crawlers, and guys who just want to...

  Angela : Now, just a minute. If I want -

  [both look down at the kids and back at each other again] 

  Angela : Crunchy Crawlers, then I will have Crunchy Crawlers.

  Tony : Crunchy Crawlers are empty calories. Not really satisfying. In an hour, you're gonna want something else.

  Angela : Maybe I'll want more Crunchy Crawlers.

• Tony : I'm Tony Micelli. I'm here about the job.

  Angela : Oh, I'm sorry. There must be a mistake. This job is for a housekeeper.

  Tony : That's me, Mr. Goodmop.

  Angela : Well, my mother's screening everyone. Did you meet her?

  Tony : Yeah yesterday. She gave me the once over, kicked me in the tires, put me up on the rack...

  Angela : Well, she should've checked under your hood, 'cause you're the wrong sex.

  Tony : Oh, wait a minute; she said that wouldn't be any problem.

  Angela : My mother didn't think World War II was a problem.

• Angela : Tony, I'm gonna say this very slowly. My weekend has nothing to do with my promotion.

  Tony : You'll never know unless you don't go.

  Angela : Who are you anyway, Jiminy Cricket?

• Tony : Well, could you just try to remember what I said?

  Angela : Tony, if I had a lobotomy I would remember that.

  Tony : Well, good, because let me tell you one thing, Angela. You'd never catch me doing something dumb like sleeping with my employer.

• Tony : Hey, look, Mrs. Rossini, you've got to admit this neighborhood's falling apart. I mean, look at Samantha. When she starts coming home with black eyes, I think it's time for me to get out.

  Samantha Micelli : Hey, that's because there were three of those guys, Dad. And anyway, I got one guy sneezing out of his ear.

• Samantha Micelli : But, Dad, how can a woman make enough money to afford a great house like this?

  Tony : Well, I mean, she works hard, and she's real smart. Hey, you could do the same thing.

  Samantha Micelli : I can?

  Tony : Sure.

  Samantha Micelli : Then I think I'll be the manager of the Mets.

  Tony : Good choice. Good choice. I'll be so proud of you when you're out there kicking dirt on umpires.

• Angela : Was that the phone?

  Tony : Yeah, that was the phone.

  Angela : Who was it?

  Tony : Oh, it was the, uh - Oh, it was the Arthur Murray dance studio. You just won a free dance lesson.

  Angela : Great. Now all my problems are solved. I'll be a Rockette.

  Tony : You'll be a good one.