Two and a Half Men (TV Series)

Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs (2005)

Charlie Sheen: Charlie Harper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Alan Harper : Incredible! I've been living here for two years and you still consider me a houseguest?

  Charlie Harper : No. My houseguests bring a bottle of wine and have sex with me.

  Alan Harper : Oh, sorry. I'll pop a bottle of Chardonnay and assume the position.

  Charlie Harper : Don't write checks your ass can't cash, Alan.

• Charlie Harper : Don't be silly. You're like family!

  Berta : Yeah, well, I've seen how you treat family.

• Charlie Harper : Jake, you wanna go down to the arcade?

  Jake Harper : No.

  Charlie Harper : You wanna see a movie? I'll take you to something R-rated. You'll see a boob!

  Jake Harper : Go away!

  Charlie Harper : Are you mad at me?

  Jake Harper : What was your first clue?

  Charlie Harper : Well, frankly, your dismissive attitude toward boobs.

  Jake Harper : Why are you making us move?

  Charlie Harper : I'm not. Your father and I are trying to teach each other a lesson.

  Jake Harper : What's your lesson?

  Charlie Harper : That this is my house.

  Jake Harper : What's his lesson?

  Charlie Harper : That he lives here, too.

  Jake Harper : I'm just a kid, but even to me that sounds stupid!

  Charlie Harper : You wanna see a movie?

  Jake Harper : Is the boob offer still open?

• Alan Harper : Are you equating me with termites?

  Charlie Harper : Hell, no! You can get rid of termites!

• Charlie Harper : [slowly making his way down the steps]  Never again! Never, ever, ever again!

  Berta : You gonna quit drinking?

  Charlie Harper : Don't be ridiculous! I'm gonna quit waking up.

• Alan Harper : [going apartment-hunting]  Do you mind looking after Jake?

  Charlie Harper : If it'll help get you out of here, I'll breastfeed him!

• Alan Harper : She needed a place to stay for a couple of days. What would you have said?

  Charlie Harper : I would have sat her down and explained my sincere belief that there are boundaries between employer and employee which exist specifically to protect said employer from accidentally seeing the employee prancing around in her big, cotton, granny panties!