Monty Python's Flying Circus (TV Series)

How to Recognise Different Parts of the Body (1970)

John Cleese: The Announcer, Fourth Bruce, Professor Sir Adrian Furrows, Second Pepperpot, Doctor

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mrs. #1 : Well, what's on the television then?

  Mrs. #2 : Looks like a penguin.

  Mrs. #1 : No no no no, I didn't mean what's on the television set, I meant what program...

  Mrs. #2 : Oh

  [goes over and turns the set on, sits back down] 

  Mrs. #2 : Funny that penguin being there, isn't it. What's it doing there?

  Mrs. #1 : Standin'!

  Mrs. #2 : I can see that!

  Mrs. #1 : If it lays an egg, it will fall down the back of the television set.

  Mrs. #2 : We'll have to watch that... Unless it's a male.

  Mrs. #1 : Whew, I never thought of that.

  Mrs. #2 : Yes. It looks fairly butch.

  Mrs. #1 : Per'aps it comes from next door.

  Mrs. #2 : [yelling]  PENGUINS DON'T COME FROM NEXT DOOR, THEY COME FROM THE ANTARCTIC!

  Mrs. #1 : [even louder]  BURMA!

  [they both stop short, looking around] 

  Mrs. #2 : Why'd you say Burma?

  Mrs. #1 : I panicked.

  Mrs. #2 : Oh. Per'aps it's from the zoo.

  Mrs. #1 : Which zoo?

  Mrs. #2 : [angrily]  How should I know which zoo, I'm not Doctor bloody Bernofsky!

  Mrs. #1 : 'ow does Doctor Bernofsky know what zoo it came from?

  Mrs. #2 : He knows everything.

  Mrs. #1 : Oooh, I wouldn't like that, it would take the mystery out of life... Anyway, if came from the zoo, it'd have "property of the zoo" stamped on it.

  Mrs. #2 : No it wouldn't! They don't stamp animals "property of the zoo"! You couldn't stamp a huge lion!

  Mrs. #1 : [confidently]  They stamp them when they're small.

• Fourth Bruce : Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce. Michael Balwin, this is Bruce. And Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce.

  First Bruce : Is your name not Bruce, then?

  Michael Balwin : No, it's Michael.

  Second Bruce : That's gonna cause a little confusion.

  Third Bruce : Yeah. Mind of we call you Bruce, just to keep it clear?

• Voice-over : [and animated title]  How to Recognize Different Parts of the Body.

  [the Monty Python foot steps on the ground] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at foot]  Number one - the foot.

  [Cut to statue of Venus] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at shoulder]  Number two - the shoulder.

  [Cut to a picture of the same Monty Python foot being used as a cigarette ashtray] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at foot]  Number three - the *other* foot.

  [Cut to side profile of unknown person] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at nose]  Number four - the bridge of the nose.

  [Cut to picture of man wearing nothing but Bermuda shorts] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts]  Number five - the naughty bits.

  [Cut to picture of arm bending] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at elbow]  Number six - just above the elbow.

  [Cut to close-up of another man wearing same Bermuda shorts] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at middle of shorts]  Number seven - two inches to the right of a *very* naughty bit indeed.

  [Cut to shot of a knee of one of the characters in the next sketch] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at knee]  Number eight - the kneecap.

• Fourth Bruce : Well, gentlemen, I'll just remind you of the faculty rules. Rule one: No pooftahs. Rule two: No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever, if there's anyone watching. Rule three: No pooftahs. Rule four: I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their rooms after lights out. Rule five: No pooftahs. Rule six: There is NO rule six. Rule seven: No pooftahs.

• [close-up of one of the Bruces' ears] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at ear]  Number nine - the ear.

  [cut to picture of big toe] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at big toe]  Number ten - the big toe.

  [cut to picture of another man wearing Bermuda shorts] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts]  Number eleven - more naughty bits.

  [cut to full-length shot of a lady in Bermuda shorts and Bermuda bra] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow on each side of her body, one pointing at the bra, one pointing at the shorts]  Number twelve - the naughty bits of a lady.

  [cut to picture of a horse wearing Bermuda shorts] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts]  Number thirteen - the naughty bits of a horse.

  [cut to picture of a tiny ant] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed enormous arrow pointing at ant]  Number fourteen - the naughty bits of an ant.

  [cut to picture of Reginald Maudling with Bermuda shorts placed over his suit] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts]  Number fifteen - the naughty bits of Reginald Maudling.

  [cut to close-up of a false hand sticking out of a sleeve] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at false hand]  Number sixteen - the hand.

• The Announcer : [while stroking a pig]  And so on and so on and so on. And now...

  [Cut to picture of Pope Paul VI] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing above the head]  Number seventeen - the top of the head.

  [Cut to picture of a waist with a feather sticking out] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at feather]  Number eighteen - the feather... rare.

  [Cut to profile of Raymond Luxury-Yacht, from next sketch, who has an enormous false polystyrene nose] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at false nose]  Number nineteen - the nose.

• [Animation of a racing car moving over a naked lady, passing a sign saying "Pit Stop". Close-up of armpits. Superimposed little white arow] 

  Voice-over : Number twenty - the armpits.

  [Cut to picture of the back of a person] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at the back of the neck]  Number twenty-one - the bottom two thirds of the nape of the neck.

  [Cut to close-up of an old-fashioned radio] 

  Voice-over : Number twenty-two - the nipple.

  [Superimposed arrow points at the tuning dial] 

• [as Inspector Zatapathique exhaustively bows, a superimposed arrow points at his bottom] 

  Voice-over : Number thirty-one - the end.

  [Cut to caption THE END] 

• [after a penguin explodes on the TV set] 

  First Pepperpot : [referring to the TV Announcer]  How did he know that was going to happen?

  TV Announcer : It was an inspired guess. And now...

  [Cut to picture of shin] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at shin]  Number twenty-three - the shin.

  [Cut to picture of Reginald Maudling] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at shin]  Number twenty-four - Reginald Maudling's shin.

  [Cut to an open-head picture] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing at brain]  Number twenty-five - the brain.

  [Cut to picture of Margaret Thatcher] 

  Voice-over : Number twenty-six - Margaret Thatcher's brain.

  [Superimposed arrow points at Margaret Thatcher's knee] 

  Voice-over : [Cut to a fairly wide still picture of cricket match in progress. Batsman, bowler, ring of fielders all have polka-dotted Bermuda shorts. Little arrows point to each pair of Bermuda shorts] 

  Voice-over : Number twenty-seven - more naughty bits.

  [Cut to picture of the cabinet at a table. Arrows point down below the table to their naughty bits] 

  Voice-over : Number twenty-eight - the naughty bits of the Cabinet.

  [Cut to studio shot of the next set] 

  Voice-over : [with superimposed arrow pointing from the top]  Number twenty-nine - the interior of a country house.