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"Monty Python's Flying Circus" How to Recognise Different Parts of the Body (TV Episode 1970) Poster

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Fourth Bruce: Well, gentlemen, I'll just remind you of the faculty rules. Rule one: No pooftahs. Rule two: No member of the faculty is to maltreat the Abbos in any way whatsoever, if there's anyone watching. Rule three: No pooftahs. Rule four: I don't want to catch anyone not drinking in their rooms after lights out. Rule five: No pooftahs. Rule six: There is NO rule six. Rule seven: No pooftahs.

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Mrs. #1: Well, what's on the television then?

Mrs. #2: Looks like a penguin.

Mrs. #1: No no no no, I didn't mean what's on the television set, I meant what program...

Mrs. #2: Oh

[goes over and turns the set on, sits back down]

Mrs. #2: Funny that penguin being there, isn't it. What's it doing there?

Mrs. #1: Standin'!

Mrs. #2: I can see that!

Mrs. #1: If it lays an egg, it will fall down the back of the television set.

Mrs. #2: We'll have to watch that... Unless it's a male.

Mrs. #1: Whew, I never thought of that.

Mrs. #2: Yes. It looks fairly butch.

Mrs. #1: Per'aps it comes from next door.

Mrs. #2: [yelling] PENGUINS DON'T COME FROM NEXT DOOR, THEY COME FROM THE ANTARCTIC!

Mrs. #1: [even louder] BURMA!

[they both stop short, looking around]

Mrs. #2: Why'd you say Burma?

Mrs. #1: I panicked.

Mrs. #2: Oh. Per'aps it's from the zoo.

Mrs. #1: Which zoo?

Mrs. #2: [angrily] How should I know which zoo, I'm not Doctor bloody Bernofsky!

Mrs. #1: 'ow does Doctor Bernofsky know what zoo it came from?

Mrs. #2: He knows everything.

Mrs. #1: Oooh, I wouldn't like that, it would take the mystery out of life... Anyway, if came from the zoo, it'd have "property of the zoo" stamped on it.

Mrs. #2: No it wouldn't! They don't stamp animals "property of the zoo"! You couldn't stamp a huge lion!

Mrs. #1: [confidently] They stamp them when they're small.

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Fourth Bruce: Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce. Michael Balwin, this is Bruce. And Michael Baldwin, this is Bruce.

First Bruce: Is your name not Bruce, then?

Michael Balwin: No, it's Michael.

Second Bruce: That's gonna cause a little confusion.

Third Bruce: Yeah. Mind of we call you Bruce, just to keep it clear?

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Voice-over: [and animated title] How to Recognize Different Parts of the Body.

[the Monty Python foot steps on the ground]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at foot] Number one - the foot.

[Cut to statue of Venus]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shoulder] Number two - the shoulder.

[Cut to a picture of the same Monty Python foot being used as a cigarette ashtray]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at foot] Number three - the *other* foot.

[Cut to side profile of unknown person]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at nose] Number four - the bridge of the nose.

[Cut to picture of man wearing nothing but Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts] Number five - the naughty bits.

[Cut to picture of arm bending]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at elbow] Number six - just above the elbow.

[Cut to close-up of another man wearing same Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at middle of shorts] Number seven - two inches to the right of a *very* naughty bit indeed.

[Cut to shot of a knee of one of the characters in the next sketch]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at knee] Number eight - the kneecap.

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[close-up of one of the Bruces' ears]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at ear] Number nine - the ear.

[cut to picture of big toe]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at big toe] Number ten - the big toe.

[cut to picture of another man wearing Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts] Number eleven - more naughty bits.

[cut to full-length shot of a lady in Bermuda shorts and Bermuda bra]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow on each side of her body, one pointing at the bra, one pointing at the shorts] Number twelve - the naughty bits of a lady.

[cut to picture of a horse wearing Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts] Number thirteen - the naughty bits of a horse.

[cut to picture of a tiny ant]

Voice-over: [with superimposed enormous arrow pointing at ant] Number fourteen - the naughty bits of an ant.

[cut to picture of Reginald Maudling with Bermuda shorts placed over his suit]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shorts] Number fifteen - the naughty bits of Reginald Maudling.

[cut to close-up of a false hand sticking out of a sleeve]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at false hand] Number sixteen - the hand.

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The Announcer: [while stroking a pig] And so on and so on and so on. And now...

[Cut to picture of Pope Paul VI]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing above the head] Number seventeen - the top of the head.

[Cut to picture of a waist with a feather sticking out]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at feather] Number eighteen - the feather... rare.

[Cut to profile of Raymond Luxury-Yacht, from next sketch, who has an enormous false polystyrene nose]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at false nose] Number nineteen - the nose.

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[Animation of a racing car moving over a naked lady, passing a sign saying "Pit Stop". Close-up of armpits. Superimposed little white arow]

Voice-over: Number twenty - the armpits.

[Cut to picture of the back of a person]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at the back of the neck] Number twenty-one - the bottom two thirds of the nape of the neck.

[Cut to close-up of an old-fashioned radio]

Voice-over: Number twenty-two - the nipple.

[Superimposed arrow points at the tuning dial]

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[as Inspector Zatapathique exhaustively bows, a superimposed arrow points at his bottom]

Voice-over: Number thirty-one - the end.

[Cut to caption THE END]

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Third Bruce: Blimey, it's hot in here, Bruce.

First Bruce: Hot enough to boil a monkey's bum.

Second Bruce: That's a strange expression, Bruce.

First Bruce: Well, Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. "It's hot enough to boil a monkey's bum in here, Your Majesty," he said.

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[after a penguin explodes on the TV set]

First Pepperpot: [referring to the TV Announcer] How did he know that was going to happen?

TV Announcer: It was an inspired guess. And now...

[Cut to picture of shin]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shin] Number twenty-three - the shin.

[Cut to picture of Reginald Maudling]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at shin] Number twenty-four - Reginald Maudling's shin.

[Cut to an open-head picture]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing at brain] Number twenty-five - the brain.

[Cut to picture of Margaret Thatcher]

Voice-over: Number twenty-six - Margaret Thatcher's brain.

[Superimposed arrow points at Margaret Thatcher's knee]

Voice-over: [Cut to a fairly wide still picture of cricket match in progress. Batsman, bowler, ring of fielders all have polka-dotted Bermuda shorts. Little arrows point to each pair of Bermuda shorts]

Voice-over: Number twenty-seven - more naughty bits.

[Cut to picture of the cabinet at a table. Arrows point down below the table to their naughty bits]

Voice-over: Number twenty-eight - the naughty bits of the Cabinet.

[Cut to studio shot of the next set]

Voice-over: [with superimposed arrow pointing from the top] Number twenty-nine - the interior of a country house.

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Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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