M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Alcoholics Unanimous (1974)
Alan Alda: Capt. Benjamin Franklin 'Hawkeye' Pierce
Photos
Quotes
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Hawkeye : [Hawkeye, Trapper and Margaret are drunk. Hawkeye sings] I wish there were a radio way up in heaven/So I could say hello to Mother every day.
Hot Lips : I didn't know you could sing.
Hawkeye : Was I singing? I thought I was dancing.
[They all laugh]
Frank : What the devil's going on in here?
Trapper : Frank! Baby!
Hawkeye : [sings, followed by Trapper and Margaret] Come on in and take off your skin and rattle around in your bones!
Frank : Major Houlihan!
Hot Lips : Whoop!
Frank : This really cuts me to the quick!
Hawkeye : That's quite all right. His quick could use some cutting!
Hawkeye , Hot Lips , Trapper : [laughing]
Frank : Let me have that!
[sniffs flask]
Frank : Where did this liquor come from?
Hot Lips : Shhhhh!
Hawkeye , Trapper : [almost in unison] Yeah, don't tell anybody.
Frank : As your commanding officer, I insist!
Hawkeye : Ok, ok, ok.
[Grabs Frank and pull him closer]
Hawkeye : You take eleven string beans, one onion, half a radish, and four banamas.
Trapper : [Grabs Frank's sleeve] Mix it up, and you... uh... let it soak for... uh... six weeks.
Hawkeye : Days.
Trapper : Days.
Hot Lips : You'd better write this down, Frank.
Hawkeye : [Grabs Frank back] Then you look around and you find the tallest tree, and you hang the stuff in an emena bag, and you let it lay there for eighteen weeks...
Trapper : Days.
Hawkeye : Days.
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Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Ain't you gonna say anything about my outfit?
Hawkeye : Later.
Lt./Capt. Father Francis J. Mulcahy : Say something nice about his gloves.
Hawkeye : Huh?
Lt./Capt. Father Francis J. Mulcahy : [whispering] Gloves.
Hawkeye : Oh. Uh, I love your gloves, Klinger.
Cpl. Maxwell Q. Klinger : Sears catalogue. They were having a white sale. You trace your hands on a piece of paper to give 'em your right size however if you want the black ones which aren't on the white sale you really don't care, do you?
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P.A. Announcer : [Voice over] Attention all personnel. Seoul HQ reports that rain is expected this evening.
Hawkeye : [Hawkeye holds out his hand, catching drops of rain from a hole in the tent] A lot they know.
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Frank : There's just no question. You're alcoholics! You drink constantly!
Hawkeye : All right, we drink. We drink so we can get through these lousy, stinking, 48-hour days.
Trapper : We're cold, filthy, lonely.
Hawkeye : Scared, bored, tired.
Trapper : Frightened and very drowsy.
Hawkeye : And on top of that, Alice Faye goes to the big city and loses her voice!
Trapper : She didn't.
Hawkeye : Yeah.
Trapper : We need a drink!
