Hogan's Heroes (TV Series)
The Big Picture (1969)
Bob Crane: Col. Hogan
Quotes
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Captain Bohrmann : [entering Klink's office] Colonel Klink. Heil Hitler.
Col. Klink : Heil Hitler. Uh, please, Captain. Sit down, sit down.
[closes the door to his office]
Col. Klink : Uh, what can I do for you?
Captain Bohrmann : I have been assigned to Gestapo headquarters in Dusseldorf, but I'm living in Hammelberg at the moment. Hauserhof Hotel, room 209.
Col. Klink : Very interesting. But is it important?
Captain Bohrmann : Very.
Newkirk : [listening in from the coffee pot] What's this Captain's game?
LeBeau : Keep quiet, and maybe we'll find out.
Col. Klink : Of course I remember the plot to assassinate the Fuhrer. Could any loyal German ever forget it?
Captain Bohrmann : I don't think you will. The conspirators are still being rounded up. A very important man was recently arrested. I searched his house.
[takes out a picture from his coat pocket]
Captain Bohrmann : Found this picture and the negatives.
Col. Klink : Mm-hmm.
[looks at the picture and sees himself next to the conspirator]
Col. Klink : No, it's not possible!
Col. Hogan : Klink sounds like he swallowed his monocle.
Kinchloe : Must be some picture.
LeBeau : Klink and a woman, maybe?
Col. Hogan : Impossible. Klink's in love with Klink. Wouldn't let anyone come between himself.
Col. Klink : General Mulendorf.
Captain Bohrmann : That's his arm around your shoulders.
Col. Klink : Yes. We were friends.
Captain Bohrmann : Close friends.
[voice turns stern]
Captain Bohrmann : And very possibly associated in the plot to assassinate the Fuhrer.
Col. Klink : [drops the picture] I knew the man. We went to school together for ten years; saw each other every day. But what's that?
Captain Bohrmann : You were also best man at his wedding.
Col. Klink : Oh, well... I had nothing else to do that afternoon.
Captain Bohrmann : Colonel, I have a problem. If turn this picture into Gestapo headquarters, an innocent man may be executed.
Col. Klink : Innocent?
Captain Bohrmann : You.
Col. Klink : Me? I'm not innocent. I mean, I am innocent. What have I done?
Captain Bohrmann : If I destroy the negative, or... give it to you, I won't exactly be doing my duty, will I?
Col. Klink : No. You do have a problem.
Col. Hogan : Klink's beautiful, isn't he?
Kinchloe : Little Alice in Krautland.
Newkirk : How stupid man one man be?
Col. Hogan : Keep listening. He'll tell you.
Col. Klink : And you expect me to pay your hotel bill?
Captain Bohrmann : In addition to say, a thousand marks right now. While I consider the problem.
Col. Klink : Couldn't you consider the problem a little less expensively?
Captain Bohrmann : The life an innocent kommandant is at stake.
Col. Klink : Oh. I'll get the money out of the safe.
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Sgt. Schultz : Colonel Hogan, what should I do, sue the Luftwaffe for my pay?
Col. Hogan : You accept what they give you, Schultz, or sue them and wait for the rest at the Russian front.
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Sgt. Schultz : Oh boy am I in trouble! When I send my wife only half the money she usually gets, oh boy!
Col. Hogan : Straighten it out when you go home on leave.
Sgt. Schultz : She'll straighten me out.
Col. Hogan : Then don't go home.
Sgt. Schultz : She'll come and get me.
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Col. Klink : You mean you will work for nothing?
Col. Hogan : We want to beautify this place. We want it to look nice when General Patton's tanks come rolling in.
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Col. Hogan : A deal's a deal, Schultz.
Sgt. Schultz : But a wife is a wife.
Col. Hogan : You didn't have to marry her.
Sgt. Schultz : Now you give me advice. Where were you when I needed you?