The Golden Girls (TV Series)

Isn't It Romantic? (1986)

Bea Arthur: Dorothy Zbornak

Quotes 

• Blanche : [coming in to Dorothy's room in the middle of the night]  What is going on? I heard you laughing, what's so funny?

  Sophia : For starters, Jean is a Lesbian.

  Blanche : What's funny about that?

  Sophia : You aren't surprised?

  Blanche : Of course not. I mean, I've never known any personally, but isn't Danny Thomas one?

  Dorothy : Not Lebanese, Blanche! Lesbian!

  Blanche : Lesbian... Lesbian... Lesbian! But isn't that when one woman and another...

  Dorothy : We already know what it means.

  Blanche : But... Jean's a very attractive woman! She could have any man she wants!

  Dorothy : She doesn't want them.

  Blanche : Well, why not? A man has so much more to offer, you know what I mean, Dorothy?

  Dorothy : Yeah, I found that out when Mark Perper was running for class president in the third grade.

  Blanche : Why? What does that have to do with anything?

  Dorothy : Well, his campaign slogan was, "Vote for me, and I'll show you my wee-wee." He won by a landslide!

  Blanche : Well, I'll never understand what Jean doesn't see in the opposite sex, but hey, if that's what makes her happy, that's fine by me.

  Dorothy : There's one other thing.

  Sophia : Jean thinks she's in love with Rose.

  Blanche : Rose? Jean has the hots for Rose? I don't believe it! I do not believe it!

  Dorothy : I was pretty surprised myself.

  Blanche : Well, I'll bet! To think Jean would prefer Rose over me, that's ridiculous! Now, you tell me the truth! If you had to pick between me and Rose, who would you pick? Who?

  Dorothy : Blanche, pull yourself together!

  Blanche : Oh, I'm sorry. Does Rose know?

  Dorothy : No.

  Blanche : Oh, good. I don't think you ought to tell her. After all, she's not as worldly and sophisticated about these things as I am.

  Sophia : Absolutely. If she finds out Danny Thomas is a Lesbian, it'll break her heart!

• Dorothy : Ma.

  Sophia : Is it morning already?

  Dorothy : No. No, I just wanted to ask you a question.

  Sophia : What?

  Dorothy : How would you react if you were told that one of your kids was gay?

  Sophia : Your brother, Phil, is gay? I knew it! When he was a kid, we couldn't keep him away from those gladiator movies!

  Dorothy : Ma, Phil is not gay.

  Sophia : You mean, you're gay? What, your friend, Jean, is having some sort of membership drive?

  Dorothy : Ma!

  Sophia : Dorothy, I know you don't get many dates, but stick with what you know. At your age, it's very hard to break into something new. G'night.

  Dorothy : Ma, Ma, I am not gay. I just wanted to get your reaction.

  Sophia : I'll tell you the truth, Dorothy. If one of my kids was gay, I wouldn't love him one bit less. I would wish him all the happiness in the world!

  Dorothy : That's because you're the greatest mother in the world, and I love you.

  Sophia : Fine. Now keep your fat mouth shut so I can get some sleep.

• Blanche : Jean's a very attractive woman. She could have any man she wants.

  Dorothy : She doesn't want them.

  Blanche : Well, why not? A man has so much more to offer, y'know what I mean, Dorothy?

  Dorothy : Yeah, I found that out when Mark Perper was running for class president in the Third Grade.

  Blanche : Why, what does that have to do with anything?

  Dorothy : Well, his campaign slogan was, 'Vote for me, and I'll show you my wee-wee.' He won by a landslide!