Get Smart (TV Series)

The Worst Best Man (1968)

Edward Platt: Chief

Photos 

Quotes 

• # 99 : Why don't we use the X-22 computer, Chief?

  Chief : I've thought of that, 99, but somebody fed a deck of cards into it and now all it'll do is play poker with the CIA computer.

  # 99 : Well can't you reprogram it?

  Chief : No, we can't do that, it's 32 dollars behind.

• Chief : If you ask somebody to be your best man, it's a guarantee something will happen to him.

  Hymie : How come you never asked me, Max? I always thought I was your best friend.

  Maxwell Smart : Yes, well, you are my best friend, Hymie, but you're a robot. I need a best man, not a best thing.

  Maxwell Smart : Sorry about that, Hymie, but, well, you see, it wouldn't be legal the other way. I need someone who can sign the marriage certificate and, and be a witness.

  Hymie : I can sign it Max, I can also make copies.

• Chief : Now why would KAOS want to deal with every man you ask to be your best man?

  # 99 : Why don't you ask Hymie, Max?

  Maxwell Smart : That's a good idea, 99, Hymie...

  Hymie : I accept, Max.

  Maxwell Smart : No, Hymie, I wasn't going to ask you to be my best man, I was gonna ask you why KAOS is after every man that I ask to be my best man?

• Chief : [discussing Max' bachelor party]  Alright, I'll thrown in the cake. The one that Agent 38 comes out of the cake.

  Maxwell Smart : I don't think I would like that, Chief.

  Chief : Why not?

  Maxwell Smart : It's just not the same when a guy pops out of a cake.

  Chief : Have you seen 38 in a bikini?

• Maxwell Smart : [after an explosion, bits of paper are falling down like confetti]  What are all these papers?

  Chief : Well Max, that was, those were secret papers of Control!

  Maxwell Smart : Well why didn't you tell me, Chief?

  Chief : I couldn't, Max, it was a secret!

  Maxwell Smart : 99, you don't happen to have a bottle of glue on you, do ya?