George Lopez (TV Series)

George's Extreme Makeover: Holmes Edition (2005)

George Lopez: George Lopez

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ernie : Hey, I'm ready today, Bro. Sabes qué? I stayed up late watching home improvement shows. Yeah. I think we could class this place up with some sconces and some Roman shades, huh? Huh?

  George Lopez : Look, take it easy, Queer Eye. We're in way over our heads, Man. There's no way we're gonna get this done in three days; not with all the plumbing and electrical stuff.

  Ernie : Yeah, you know, "can't" is just another way of saying "won't".

  George Lopez : You wanna get shocked 'til you pee again?

  Ernie : No...

  [checks his crotch] 

  Ernie : So what, what are you gonna do, you gonna call a contractor?

  George Lopez : No, I don't wanna spend the money. Look, I called Victor and Bobby from the old neighborhood; they're on their way over.

  Ernie : I don't know about those dudes, George. They cut a lot of corners!

  George Lopez : That's why I want them! They're quick and they're cheap.

  Ernie : Ch-yeah. But remember when they hooked up the septic tank at the Martinez place? They got the lines all crossed up? The first time the mom used the dishwasher, the whole family got hepatitis.

  George Lopez : Man, she's barely breaking even! I'm not gonna put thousands of dollars into something that might not pay off. Remember her candle business?

  Ernie : [softly]  Oh.

  George Lopez : Scents of Cuba?

  Ernie : Yeah.

  George Lopez : It turns out nobody wants to smell like poverty and cigars.

  [Ernie chuckles; Victor enters and then Bobby] 

  Victor : 'Sup?

  George Lopez : [Deep voice akin to Victor's]  'Sup.

  Bobby : 'Sup.

  George Lopez : [deep voice]  'Sup.

  [normal voice] 

  George Lopez : 'Memba Ernie?

  Victor : 'Sup.

  Ernie : [quickly]  'Sup.

  Bobby : 'Sup.

  Ernie : 'Sup.

  Victor : So, uh, I hear you need an office for your old lady.

  George Lopez : Yeah and it's gotta be really nice, too, Victor. It's gotta have hardwood floors, recessed lighting, crown molding, everything y todo, the whole nine yarns.

  Bobby : How is Angie; is she still fine?

• Bobby : Still live with your mom and dad, Ernie?

  Ernie : Hey, I pay rent, alright? So it's more like we're roommates.

  Bobby : Did your roommates lay out those nice overalls for you this morning?

  Ernie : No way! She's not even allowed in my room; there's a sign and everything; she knows that, fool! You know what? Whatever, eh. You know what, I don't need this crap.

  [hangs up his tools in disgust] 

  Ernie : Victor, Bobby, Victor, why don't you marry em?

  George Lopez : Look. This gotta be done by Monday. That's three days, huh. Can you do it?

  Victor : [looks to the left side of the garage]  Hmm, depends. What about permits?

  George Lopez : I'm permitting you.

  Victor : Monday it is.

  George Lopez : Alright, look it, Angie can't know you're here, okay? So you gotta be out of here by 6 every night, before she gets home from the bridal expo.

  Bobby : Hold on, hold on, hold the horse, huh. There's a lot of work here for three days. We don't have a deal until we talk about a equitable compensation package.

  Victor : [points in agreement at Bobby]  Mmm. Mm-hmm. Now let's see: We got - we got electric, plumbing,

  [whistles] 

  Victor : carpentry, materials...

  Bobby : You want us to use nails on this, George?

  George Lopez : [in disbelief]  Yeah!

  Victor : Hey, relajate. We'll get a box!

  [turns to Bobby] 

  Victor : We won't use them all. So um...

  [whispers between the men and Bobby agrees to something; Victor tuns to George] 

  Victor : 10 cases of beer should do it.

  George Lopez : [doubtful]  You wanna be paid in beer?

  Bobby : Well, yeah, it's where the money's gonna go anyway.

  [pats stomach]