Due South (TV Series)

Some Like It Red (1996)

David Marciano: Detective Ray Vecchio

Quotes 

• Fraser : Let me tell you something, Ray, I think that the person who invented pantyhose should be brought up on charges of cruelty, sadism and reckless endangerment. They pinch in the most inappropriate places.

  Ray Vecchio : Yeah, well most people who wear them don't have those places, Benny.

• Fraser : [Fraser is dressed as a woman and insisting Ray open doors for him]  Ray. Manners.

  Ray Vecchio : You know, Benny, there's a limit.

  Fraser : A limit? To good etiquette? I think not, Ray.

  Ray Vecchio : Just get in the car before I beat you with your purse.

• Ray Vecchio : You know, Benny, you weren't a bad-looking woman.

  Fraser : Thank you, Ray.

  Ray Vecchio : Course, you weren't exactly my type either.

  Fraser : Well, what exactly is your type, Ray?

  Ray Vecchio : I like a woman who is kind and honest with a good sense of humor.

  Fraser : What? And I don't have those qualities?

  Ray Vecchio : No, no, you do, I just like a woman who is, you know, a woman.

  Fraser : That's, that's picky Ray.

• Fraser : [reading from Celine's diary]  "... I gifted him with a treasure of gold and time; he gifted me with his love."

  Ray Vecchio : Wow, I'm no English major, but that stuff's so purple I'm gettin' diabetes.

  Fraser : Ray, you just mixed a metaphor.

  Ray Vecchio : Yeah, well, I said I was no English major.

• Fraser : [regarding Celine's gun]  Interesting. A Hildebrand Yankee thirty-eight. You don't see these very often.

  Ray Vecchio : No, that's why I ran the numbers on it. You're never gonna guess who it's registered to.

  Fraser : Eliot Ness?

  Ray Vecchio : How did you know that?

  Fraser : Well, it's really quite simple...

  Ray Vecchio : No, simple for you is some long drawn-out story about your grandparents' library in Runamukluk.

  Fraser : Actually, it is quite simple, Ray; it's engraved right here, 'E. Ness.' And guessing that the 'E' stood for 'Eliot' was just inspiration.

  Ray Vecchio : Just gimme that. You're not supposed to be carryin' a gun anyway.

  Fraser : [beat]  Tuktoyaktuk.

  Ray Vecchio : What?

  Fraser : You said 'Runamukluk.' I assume you're referring to the time my grandmother moved her traveling library to Tuktoyaktuk.

  Ray Vecchio : Tuktoyaktuk, Runamukluk, what's the difference?

  Fraser : Well, about two thousand kilometers.

  Ray Vecchio : Is that necessary?

  Fraser : Not entirely, no.

  Ray Vecchio : Okay, so the question is, how does a sixteen-year-old Catholic school girl get a hold of the gun owned by the man who brought down Al Capone? That is the question, not whether or not Tuktoyaktuk and Runamukluk are two thousand miles apart!

  Fraser : Kilometers. And, I have no idea.

  Ray Vecchio : Well, neither do I!

• Ray Vecchio : Murph's the man, Fraser. He collects hooch like my sister collects losers. You know what his nickname is?

  Fraser : I haven't a clue.

  Ray Vecchio : The Whiskey King of the Windy City. Isn't that great?

  Fraser : Well, Ray, I find that a little bit difficult to believe, in that nicknames generally tend to be a bit shorter. 'Whiskey King', or 'Windy Guy'.

  Ray Vecchio : Well, that's his nickname, all right? The Whiskey King of the Windy City. You ask anyone.

  Fraser : [turning to another patron]  Excuse me, sir. What is the bartender's nickname?

  Burly Bar Patron : Murph.