The Andy Griffith Show (TV Series)

Andy Discovers America (1963)

Andy Griffith: Andy Taylor

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Quotes 

• [Barney's explains his revolutionary system for remembering famous dates, such as 1776] 

  Barney Fife : The first number... is one.

  Andy Taylor : Yeah.

  Barney Fife : Now, that's easy to remember 'cause that's the first number in the alphabet.

  Andy Taylor : Yeah.

  Barney Fife : Now, the second number... is... you just remember... lucky... seven.

  Andy Taylor : Lucky seven.

  Barney Fife : See? Now you got one and seven.

  Andy Taylor : Yeah.

  Barney Fife : Now, what's the third number? Seven. Now, that's easy to remember 'cause you just remembered seven, see?

  Andy Taylor : [chuckles]  Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

  Barney Fife : Now, you got one, seven and seven.

  Andy Taylor : One and... two sevens, yeah.

  Barney Fife : Now, what's the last number? All right, here's how you remember that: What's one... from... seven?

  Andy Taylor : Six.

  Barney Fife : Six.

  [they laugh] 

  Barney Fife : 1776.

  Andy Taylor : Yeah, that's good!

  Barney Fife : Yeah, it works out, too!

  Andy Taylor : Wouldn't it be just as easy just to go ahead and remember 1776?

  Barney Fife : Well, if you want to do things the easy way, you're never gonna learn anything!

• Andy Taylor : They fired the gun and the shot was so loud it was heard clear around the world!

  Barney Fife : Oh, get out!

  Andy Taylor : It's a fact. That's the way this country started. You read the book.

  Barney Fife : What book?

  Opie Taylor : Yeah, what book? Where'd you get that story, Pa?

  Andy Taylor : Oh, your history book.

• Andy Taylor : [explaining the founding of America to four school boys]  Well, one time a long time ago, this country was a part o' England and we wasn't gettin' along with 'em too good. Fact, we was thinkin' about breakin' away and startin' our own country, but the king over there in England, he says, "You do that and I'm gonna send my redcoats." They was British soldiers and he's a gonna send 'em here to whup us!

  Barney Fife : Of all the nerve!

• [Claiming history to be his specialty, Barney asks Andy to test his knowledge, so Andy asks him about the Emancipation Proclamation and it quickly becomes evident that Barney has no idea] 

  Andy Taylor : Go ahead! I'm all ears!

  Barney Fife : [under his breath]  Yeah, you always was. Well, the Emancipation Proclamation...

  [clears throat] 

  Barney Fife : ... uh, was a proclamation, is what it was.

  Andy Taylor : Mm. What was it about?

  Barney Fife : [testily]  It was about emancipation! What do you *think* it was about? "What was it about?" Use your head, man! It's common knowledge! It was these folks and how else was they going to get themselves emancipated unless there was a proclamation? So, they got themselves a proclamation and they called it "The Emancipation Proclamation."

  Andy Taylor : Yep?

  Barney Fife : Yeah! And I'm surprised at you for not knowing that, Andy! And I'll tell you something else: I'm even more surprised that you think that *I* don't know about The Emancipation Proclamation!

  Andy Taylor : We're still waitin' for you to tell us about it.

  Barney Fife : Well, if you get so smart-alecky about it, maybe I'm not even gonna tell you!

• Andy Taylor : Does seem to me they're starting 'em awful young for history.

  Aunt Bee Taylor : Well, maybe they have to. There's more of it these days.

• Andy Taylor : You sure you wanna hear this story? It's history.

• [Andy proposes a test for entry into a history club] 

  Andy Taylor : We cain't let in everybody.

  Johnny Paul Jason : He's right! We gotta keep somebody out or it ain't a club!

• Andy Taylor : [raising his leg]  You see that foot? How could that great big foot, all of it, fit in my mouth?