- Opie's reinterpretation of Andy's encouragement lands Andy in hot water with Opie's new teacher, Miss Helen "Old Lady" Crump.
- Opie's had it with his history homework and misinterprets Andy's empathy as an excuse to skip it and lead his friends in a revolt against their teacher, "Old Lady" Crump. When Miss Crump holds Andy responsible, he must find a way to motivate Opie and his pals.—John Northup
- Opie doesn't like his new teacher - calling her 'Old Lady' Crump - and especially doesn't like the amount of homework she gives out. He particularly doesn't like history. At breakfast, Andy tells him not to worry about it and just do the best he can. Opie misinterprets his father's statement to mean he doesn't need to do history homework and makes a point of telling his teacher so. Soon, all of the boys back Opie and she has a bit of a revolt on her hands. Fed up, Helen Crump lets Andy know exactly what she thinks of his parenting skills. Feeling that he needs to make amends for any trouble he may have caused, he tries to find a way to get the boys enthused about American history.—garykmcd
- At breakfast before school, Opie isn't hungry. Aunt Bee feels his forehead to find his temperature is normal. Opie says it's Old Lady Crump, the replacement teacher for Mrs. Warner. She gives out too much homework, especially for history. Seems to Andy kids are started off pretty young for history, but Aunt Bee speculates it's probably because there's more of it these days since Dewey took Manila. Kiddingly, Andy asks "Did he take it?" Bee asks how Opie is to take history seriously if Andy doesn't.
Barney arrives early to pick up Andy, and Aunt Bee offers his a cup of coffee, which he accepts and sits down. Andy shares what they were just discussing, then tells Opie that, if it makes him feel any better, he wasn't very good at history either. Barney is surprised, because he himself was very good at history. Now Andy is surprised, never connecting Barney with any talent for history. Barney confidently asks to be tested on it, asking to be asked any question. Andy wonders what to say then asks about The Emancipation Proclamation.
Though Barney acts surprised to be asked such an easy question, it's clear to Andy that Barney has no idea. Barney tries to laugh it off, then tries to pawn off the explanation onto Opie (who's never heard of it before) and Aunt Bee (who says she wasn't there). That brings it back to Barney to explain, and Andy directs Opie to listen and possibly learn something.
Barney tries to avoid answering by noticing a spot on his uniform, but that doesn't veer Andy away from keeping Barney on the hot seat. Barney fudges through an explanation, riffing on the words "emancipation" and "proclamation," but even Aunt Bee (with an amused smile) can see he doesn't know. Finally, getting all wound up, he decries Andy's smart-alecky attitude and refuses to explain it further.
Andy uses Barney as an example of people having difficulty with history and admits that he himself had trouble with it. He'll be satisfied with Opie doing the best he can and growing up to be a fine young fella. If he doesn't know the answers, just tell his teacher that he'll come by it naturally. Encouraged, Opie is now ready for school, nearly forgetting to take his lunch.
With Opie gone, Andy and Barney recall their teacher, Miss Thicket. Barney speculates she must have been 107 years old as it would take that long to be as mean as she was. Barney supposes that Opie's teacher is one of them old witches. Andy hopes she doesn't break Opie's spirit and utters her unattractive name - "Miss Crump."
In school, Miss Crump turns to her class - and she is far from being the wizened witch Opie seemed to indicate. They'll start with an open review of history. Catching Opie whispering to classmate Howie Pruitt, Miss Crump calls on him first to say what he knows about the founding of Jamestown. Opie admits he doesn't know and that he sorta didn't do his homework. Pressured for a reason why, he blurts out that his pa told him history wasn't important, that he (Andy) never had to learn it so why should he (Opie). Miss Crump is stunned and asks if Opie's sure his father said that. Opie confirms it and adds that Andy said history is hard for everybody. The class breaks out in agreement.
Miss Crump restores order, has Opie sit, and calls on Howie to tell about the founding of Jamestown. He didn't do his homework either, and if Opie gets away with it, why can't he? The boys in the class speak up in support. Miss Crump demands order and asks the boys who did not do their homework to raise their hands. Opie and Howie raise their hands. Howie tells Whitey Porter to raise his hand, which Whitey doesn't want to do since he did his homework, but, under peer pressure, he complies. Hearing that those who didn't do their homework will have their assignment doubled distresses the boys, who openly object.
Opie, Howie and Johnny Paul burst into the courthouse out of breath. Opie reveals he told Old Lady Crump what Andy said and she responded with double homework for everybody (which Howie corrects as only the boys). Opie reveals that they refused to do it, telling her what Andy said earlier, that history wasn't important and no one really has to do it. As Andy tries to respond to this, Whitey bursts in to warn them of Old Lady Crump's approach. The four boys scramble for the door, but before they can exit, Miss Crump enters. She is obviously infuriated, and the boys timidly pass her before leaving in a run once outside the door.
Andy is thrown by her appearance - not a witch but a very attractive woman. Miss Crump gives Andy a thorough dressing down for interfering in her efforts to bring the kids up to snuff (woefully behind in their studies) and undermining her authority, making it difficult to maintain discipline. Andy, still flummoxed, admits he thought history was a little beyond Opie's years. Barely containing herself, she admits she's been applying extra pressure on the kids to bring them up to where they belong. She demands the favor of his staying out of her business and storms off. Barney walks in in time to see her go. Andy raises his leg and asks Barney how that great big foot of his could fit entirely in his mouth.
The boys later return to the courthouse, happy and excited that Andy must have put Miss Crump in her place. Howie heard teachers talking about how she might quit. The boys give Andy full credit for running her out of town. Both Barney and Andy are a little stunned by this. Hearing their excitement over the school finding them a new teacher, Andy gets an idea and pushes the notion to the point of discomfort, projecting that a new teacher might not be as demanding, or at least one that won't give them all that history homework. As Barney looks on with concern, Andy declares he's glad for the boys because history is hard. Go out and play, he says, and forget about studying all that dull stuff about Indians, redcoats, cannons, guns and muskets. The boys still chatter happily but their enthusiasm is observably cut by half, then it stops suddenly. What about Indians, redcoats, cannons and stuff?" asks Opie, and Andy says, "History."
Almost to himself, Andy mentions their having the craziest gun, the shot of which could be heard around the world. Andy walks away to straighten out a jail cell, but the boys (and Barney) are hooked. "What gun?" asks Opie. "You sure you wanna hear this story? It's history," asks Andy dubiously, but the boys are enthused.
Andy settles in and tells of the founding of America, keeping the kids and Barney enthralled: King George sending redcoats to deliver a whuppin' on the colonists for wanting to create their own country, Paul Revere ridin' around on his horse Nellie to tell folks "The British is coming! Get your gun, we gonna have us a revolution!," and Minutemen scrambling for their squirrel guns and firin' the gun that was heard around the world.
When the boys ask where Sheriff Taylor heard that fascinating story, he dismissively tells them - from their history book, where other stories, even some better, may be found. Then Andy gets another idea and proposes the formation of a troop, a history troop - the Mayberry Minutemen. Caught up in the moment, Barney asks Andy "Will you help us?" then corrects himself to say "them." Andy agrees, and will deputize them as soon as they pass the fitness test - learning the dates given by their teacher to remember. Johnny Paul agrees, 'cause it can't be a club without keeping somebody out. That's it then - The Mayberry Minutemen, always ready with the answers - and Opie adds, "And any guy that don't join is British!" The boys chatter excitedly and Andy smiles.
Back in school, Miss Crump decides to get into history after the pledge of allegiance, but she's visibly subdued and stops. Closing her book, she addresses the boys. She asks if they ever really hear the words of the allegiance or think about what they mean. She doubts if any do and asks if any of them have the faintest idea of how this country got started or have any interest in learning about it. Opie raises his hand, and Miss Crump irritably calls on him. Opie rattles off what he knows about the founding of Jamestown. Miss Crump blinks in surprise. Howie disagrees, siting Columbus in San Salvador, but Johnny Paul argues that that's in the West Indies, not in the United States. Whitey brings up the Pilgrims, which Opie dismisses as the Indians were the first Americans. The boys break down into an argument - an argument that delights Miss Crump as she tries to rein them in to a calm discussion of the facts.
In the courthouse as Andy types, Barney surmises that there's something wrong with modern education if ya can't get a little fella to remember dates. Barney claims he has a system that, if introduced, would revolutionize modern education. In remembering the date 1776, Barney recommends remembering one as the first number of the alphabet, then remembering lucky seven, then remembering seven because you just had seven, then subtracting one from seven to get six. Andy asks if it wouldn't be easier just to remember 1776. Barney says you'll never learn anything if you want to do things the easy way.
Miss Crump enters the courthouse, her demeanor far different than before, pleasantly asking if Andy's a sort of Svengali in completely turning the boys in her class on to history. He humbly claims he's done nothing but have a little talk, telling 'em a tale with a little extra jam on the bread, getting them back in the spirit since he got them out in the first place. Barney interjects his role in it on helping the kids remember dates. Andy, takes Barney aside, asking if he's finished with the reports, any reports at all. Andy proceeds to walk Miss Crump home, but Barney (not taking the hint) interjects himself again, asking if she knows about the Emancipation Proclamation. He invites Miss Crump to sit and fill them in on it, but Andy whisks her out the door while curtly telling Barney to fill out them reports, leaving him behind in the courthouse.
Epilogue: Sheriff Taylor and Miss Crump arrive at her home, enjoying each other's company in their walk. Barney drives up in the squad car. Reports were all done this morning, so he called the school to find out where Miss Crump lived so he could join them. He asks if Miss Crump told Andy yet about the Emancipation Proclamation. She admits they didn't talk about it, which makes him glad as he wants to see if her version jibes with his.
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