Teachers and Cream (1973) Poster

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Silly ad-lib porn satire
lor_6 December 2011
Shaun Costello's tongue-in-cheek antics are merely silly in TEACHERS AND CREAM, clearly one of his lesser efforts.

Film opens with Shaun as Mr. Boynton ready to jump off a bridge, a "Goodbye" anonymous suicide note pinned to his chest, while wearing a silly false nose with glasses. He's rescued by a fellow teacher Ms. Crabtree (Erica Eaton) and one of his students (overage Helen Madigan), who insist he tell them his story.

He reveals that he's changed from being an English teacher to making porno movies, and takes the duo to his editing room for a show and tell. The women have sex with Shaun, inter-cut with a foppishly dressed pornographer (hambone Arturo Millhouse) shooting a scene starring Georgina Spelvin and Levi Richards.

Boynton brings the girls over to help the pornographer who's in need of new talent, and they're happy to oblige. Unfortunately for the pornographer, an orgy erupts and the sex unfolds with no one photographing it, as his d.p. Laszlo (Ashley Moore) joins in.

Via clumsy ad lib dialog and even clumsier sex scenes this all adds up to an unfunny, overlong skit, hardly the expected behind-the-scenes satire of a porno shoot. Silliest moment comes early on when Spelvin takes the concept "stick it in your ear" a bit too literally in looking for a novel sexual position with Levi.
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