Armstrong (1998) User Reviews

Armstrong strong-arming the mob in a weak action film

[sol1218 · 5/10 · 22 July 2004]

****SPOILERS**** The Russian and US Mafia's get together in the movie "Armstrong" in an alliance to take over the new Russian Nuclear Agency. The two gangster organizations plan to sell the dangerous and deadly nuclear weapons to the highest bidders who for the most part are terrorist-type groups in the Middle-East and Africa who have the millions to buy them. Bob Zorkin, Charles Naper, a former Navy Seal instructor is sent by the US government on a secret mission to Russia using the cover as an American tourist. Zorkin's job is to find out and report back to his bosses in the US Pentagon and State Department who's involved in the Russian government and military in dealing with both the Russian & US Mafia. Told that if the Russian government can't stop the gangsters, American & Russians, from selling the nuclear material It's his job to use his skills as a Navy Seal to take them out.

Zorkin and his wife Susan, Kimberley Kates, are followed to Moscow by two mobsters from the US Ponytail & his bumbling assistant Eric, Joe Lara & Igor Porshev. Bob then goes to the hotel room where Rod Armstrong, Frank Zagarino, a former student and good friend of Zorkin is staying at.

Armstrong is training the Russian secret service in the art of modern combat methods that he learned from Zorkin with the Navy Seals. Before you know it Zorkin is killed and later his wife Susan is kidnapped by the US/Russian Mob. The murder and kidnapping of Bob and Susan gives Armstrong the opportunity to show his stuff in taking on the two mob organizations and at the same time saving the world, or the city of Moscow, from nuclear annihilation.

The two mob organizations , US Mafia & Russian, are trying to find out from Susan why her husband was in Moscow, as if they couldn't figure it out all by themselves. But the mobs main reason is to get Armstrong out of the way before he stops them from getting their hands on the nuclear weapons and also find what was on a tape that her husband Bob gave him.

"Armstrong" really makes no sense at all with the US mobsters, for reasons known only to themselves, trying to trick the obviously drunk and naive Russians to get them to blow themselves up with the nuclear weapons that they were going to sell them? The movie never takes the time to explain why?

Armstrong takes care of the both US & Russian mobs and the corrupt Russian military men single-handedly wearing a tuxedo that he had on when he attended the Russian Opera. Armstrong also saved the Russian president from being assassinated by Ponytail with his tuxedo not having as much as a tear or even a as much as a smudge of dirt on it after he took care of business. Armstrong's fight with Ponytail is also ridicules when after it looked like Armstrong killed him, by sticking a knife in his chest, Ponytail pulls it out and is even stronger and almost beats Armstrong with half of his blood supply drained out of his body.

The reason for Ponytail & Co. being so eager to find the tape that Bob Zorkin gave Armstrong was also nutty when you finally saw the tape it. The tape showed what you and Ponytail and his mob cohorts should have already known. The secret tape showed that the US government was investigating the Russian/US mobs who it suspected of working with corrupt elements in the Russian Army to get their hands on Russia's nuclear weapons. Shouldn't they have know that just by Zorkin being sent to Moscow by the US State Department?

The action scenes in the movie were about the only thing worth watching, there was also a very explicit nude scene of Kimberly Kates going out of the shower, but for a plot and story that makes any sense at all, forget it.

Armstrong.....and you're not!!

[mistertcj · 4/10 · 27 November 2016]

Well, seeing as there is no mind boggling plot involved with this movie and other reviewers have given the full story away, together with the fact that they have said all I would say.......there isn't much left for me to put in writing. The film itself is quite an entertaining 95 minutes, but could have been so much better had a lot of the acting not been so wooden. Wooden acting from the lead (Frank Zagarino) and overacting from the villain (Joe Lara) are major problems. The script is pretty lame, the action scenes slow and contrived. Excellent character actor Charles Napier couldn't even save the day.

I have no idea why it was certificated 18.......maybe the certification criteria has changed somewhat since 1998. There is not a lot of swearing and hardly any gore so all I can think is that the certificate is due to leading lady Kimberley Kates' elongated chase scene wearing (on top) just a wet see-through blouse clearly showing off her silicon.

All that being said, I still found it watchable. It's not the worst film I've seen.

Rod Vs. Ponytail!

[tarbosh22000 · 4/10 · 30 December 2010]

Charles Napier plays Robert Zorkin, a man who travels to Russia with his wife Susan (Kates), supposedly for a vacation. But it turns out he has a VHS tape that shows the Russians dealing in nuclear warheads with the mob. It seems Zorkin was the mentor to one "Rod Armstrong" (Zagarino). Armstrong is an ex-Navy SEAL who now trains people in Russia and is "very expensive". Joe Lara, appropriately enough, plays "Ponytail", the head of the gangsters who is menacing everyone in sight, not the least of which is Susan, who he chases all over Russia. Richard Lynch is the Russian General Zukov, who is a major part of the insanity. Will Rod Armstrong be able to stop the gangsters and evil Russians from stealing the nukes and perhaps launching them, and save the kidnapped Susan in the process? I know action movies don't have to be intelligent, but Armstrong is just so dumb it's really unbelievable. Zagarino usually brings the dumb, and here is no exception. In fact, if anything, he's outdone himself in the dumb department. He's beyond wooden. Rod Armstrong is stupid, unlikable, arrogant and annoying, and he usually has some sort of "shirt problem". Either his shirt is ripped, comes off, becomes unbuttoned, or he just plain forgets to wear one. It seems the filmmakers wanted very badly for him to be Dolph Lundgren, as his hair, makeup, and what's left of his outfits strongly recall Dolph. But Zagarino is not Dolph. Not by a long shot. Also he has numerous pictures of himself on his wall. Armstrong makes Project: Shadowchaser (1992) look like a masterpiece.

One of the better things about Armstrong is its cast of familiar faces. Joe Lara goes over the top as Ponytail, but his unfinished beard really left a sense of incompleteness in the viewer's hearts. He resembles a mid-90's Dennis Miller. We liked him better as the good guy in such films as American Cyborg: Steel Warrior (1993) and Hologram Man (1995). Napier gets slightly more screen time here than in Center of the Web (1992), and he even gets to do some "Napier-Fu", but the extreme sweatiness is unpleasant. Kimberley Kates was a great choice for the eye candy, and Richard Lynch proves he's the most versatile guy in DTV cinema, here living it up as a drunken, carousing Russian military general, the next day playing an Italian gangster with aplomb.

But sadly, try as they might, even the mightiest DTV cast cannot overcome the inanity of Armstrong. Whoever wrote the dialogue, you'd think they would be satisfied by the fact that is completely mind-numbing, but no, it's incredibly repetitive too! Many things are said more than once. I don't know which is worse, if it was unintentional, or if they were so proud of their great writing, the writer thought we should hear it multiple times. Or they could have assumed their audience is just stupid. Big mistake. The dialogue alone detracts major points from Armstrong.

Because of the dialogue and dumbness, not to mention how irritating Rod Armstrong is, almost in a Sloane (1984) sort of way, you really don't care about the characters and situations. Add to that a jumbled and unclear plot and you have a serious mess on your hands. Perhaps the ultimate "turn off your brain" movie, unless you are a die hard fan of any of the actors here or DTV movies themselves, it might be wise to steer clear of Armstrong.

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Armstrong strongarms his way through a weak movie

[Zantara Xenophobe · 1/10 · 29 September 2000]

NOTE: Minor spoilers here.

Sometimes I come on this site and realize there are thousands upon thousands of movies in existence. I wonder how so many could be made, and then I think about cheap, simplistic movies like "Armstrong," and my wonders cease. Don't let familiar faces drag you to see this. All of them have been in a lot better movies, and it is a mystic puzzle how they could all participate in this. Frank Zagarino can be a good actor when he wants to, and is a hoot in the "Project: Shadowchaser" films; Joe Lara was in "Hologram Man," which was a pleasant surprise for me; and Charles Napier and Richard Lynch are veterans in the industry. But there is so much wrong with "Armstrong" that it is impossible to cover all the negative points and tough to decide where to start.

Zagarino plays Rod Armstrong, an ex-CIA agent that now works as freelance muscle. He leaves America and goes to Moscow, where he is hired by high-ranking general Richard Lynch. Armstrong's former friend (Napier) arrives in Moscow with his young wife, and has knowledge that some Russians are not obeying an anti-nuke treaty. He is killed by Joe Lara, a member of the American Mafia put in charge of the Russian Mafia by corrupt Russian leaders. Armstrong vows to stop the plot. Speaking of plot, that is about it. You've probably seen hundreds of similar, better movies with the same plot, and can figure out every step of this one. Heck, the moment one sees Richard Lynch as a Russian colonel, you know he'll turn out to be corrupt. Even I could ignore the triviality of the plot, but the rest is inexcusable. The direction is awful. It jumps from scene to scene without a piece of inspiration. The "action" is really bad, and I doubt if even a good director could make them exciting with the script that this movie has. Take for example the scene where Lara breaks into Zagarino's home for the first time. A grenade is dropped, and to avoid death, Zagarino dives out the window and onto a pea soup green van unharmed. But no one else in the apartment gets out before the blast, but they still survive without a scratch. What's worse is that the blast doesn't even damage Zagarino's home, as it is intact in later scenes. Oh, but flaws like that are sprinkled throughout the film. Bad guys killed or knocked out suddenly show up a few scenes later, and at one point, a dead body in the background has a very noticeable leg twitch. I could go on and on...

But the horrible dialogue is what makes you embarrassed to be viewing the film over all the other bad points. It is the worst I think I have ever heard. I usually just shake my head at bad dialogue, but when I heard Joe Lara say "He knows much too much" I laughed so loud I had to muffle my mouth with my hands. So if you are in the video rental store, and you spot this in the action section, secretly move it to the comedy section where it belongs. Zantara's score: 1 out of 10.

great laugh

[kaluninja · 23 April 2006]

OK so the Russians are developing secret nuclear missiles and are selling them to the American Mafia, who only want to buy them so they can use them to trick the Russians into blowing themselves up. The best scene must be when the main character, who looks like Lee from Steps, jumps out of a window (to avoid a grenade). He magically turns into Phil Collins in mid air, and lands (once again as Lee) on a Van conveniently placed below. He then gets up and runs back up to his apartment, while the baddies run down the stairs on the way out - How they failed to meet en route is a complete mystery, he must have used the lift and the baddies had read the script and knew they would have to use the stairs! Also the grenade has done so little damage to the apartment that he should have just stayed in there in the first place! Really good b-movie!

*cough*

[6RiMM · 1/10 · 14 November 2001]

This movie is hilarious. The plot is laughable, and the seriousness that the characters can maintain is incredible! This movie was honestly one of the worst movies i have ever seen, if just because of how serious it tries to be. I'd like to say there is a strong point in this movie... maybe its the comedy

Not recommended unless you are verrrry easily amused.

Truly Awful

[marklilley-62411 · 2/10 · 27 July 2020]

This film is truly awful, with a silly plot, poor acting and on the whole not well filmed. The only reason for a normal bloke to watch this DVD is to see the delightful Kimberly Kates who looks divine coming out of the shower and she then is involved in a protracted chase scene in a soaking wet blouse without a bra. She looks stunning. That's the only reason I gave it two stars rather than none. After the chase is over turn off.

Armstrong

[Scarecrow-88 · 5/10 · 14 August 2009]

American soldiers Frank Zagarino and Charles Napier plan to thwart the mission of corrupt Russian Colonel and devious American Mafia leader to sell missiles to countries in demand, including a plot to bomb the Kremlin. Joe Lara is the sadistic Mafia thug who needs Napier's wife, Kimberley Kates, in order to find out what he was in Moscow for(..Napier is killed during a shootout as he and Zagarino find themselves in a battle with Lara and his men). Richard Lynch is the Russian Colonel who Zagarino was employed under before Napier gave him the goods on his involvement with the American Mafia, and the secret plans regarding the missiles.

I must say that despite everything going against it(..the rather uninspired acting from a cast who seem to be going through the motions, the rather garbage plot, cheap sets(particularly Camp 14 where the crooked operations regarding the missiles take place), and rather sappy dialogue)that I found the action sequences rather thrilling. There's a really nifty chase where Lara and his goons pursue Kates(..who is wearing no bra or panties due to being interrupted by the Mafia shortly after a shower in her motel room)throughout the city of Bulgaria(..substituting Moscow)where she constantly eludes them, allowed to remain alive when often cornered due to the information that might benefit them regarding what she knows about her husband's business in Moscow. You can actually see how exhausted Kates is as she dodges gun fire, cars, and people while attempting to find some sort of escape route or hiding place. Lynch isn't menacing as much as he's nervous, bafoonish, sweaty, and drunk, while Lara goes so over-the-top in his portrayal as the Mafia scumbag that he's unintentionally hilarious. It seems Lara, however, revels in this role because of how despicable his character is..the idea that he is not only threatening the national security of his own country(..because frankly he could care less)but more than willing to watch innocent people perish all over the world due to terrorism from missiles he plans to sell. Napier again stars in a role that lasts only a short bit of screen time before he's off to collect a check. Kates is particularly yummy, in not a very noteworthy performance(..her physical work during the lengthly chase is to commended, though), and she has a full frontal nude scene that remains perhaps the film's most memorable highlight. Zagarino(..of the Project Shadowchaser films)is a low-rent, grade-Z, charisma-less hero phoning it in big time. Justin Carroll is Zagarino's Russian ally, the two joining forces to stop Lynch and Lara's scheming. Kates is often getting smacked around by Lara who needs information and doesn't appreciate it when she's not cooperative. I think director Menahem Golan effectively keeps the pace lively and stages some enthusiastic action sequences, but the plot, characters, and performances are lacking in quality.

What were some of you people expecting?

[Dave Banks · 7/10 · 22 June 2003]

This film is a simple little B type action flick that moves quickly and contains a lot of action. The plot has been done many times before and the characterizations are sort of cliches.

Having said all that, I found Armstrong to be a pleasant way to spend a couple of hours at home on a Saturday evening, courtesy of my TIVO unit. I wasn't expecting any complicated, clever plot development nor did I expect any award winning performances. Frankly, I didn't want either to happen. My wife and I liked the fact that the film moves at a very brisk pace with no long, boring, character development scenes.

If you consider yourself to be somewhat "above" watching this type of film, do yourself a favor and stay away. The rest of us simple minded folk will continue to enjoy this type of movie and not take the film, or ourselves, too seriously.

Between laughable and unwatchable

[salesnospam · 2/10 · 26 April 2008]

Even for a Menahem Golan film, this one is REALLY BAD. Horribly written dialogs are reminiscent of porn films. Kimberley Kates' acting is terrible (although, with such bad script and obviously no directing, it is hard to blame her for just going through the moves). The same applies to Frank Zagarino's acting, which is just a tiny tad better than his co-star's. One-take scenes are just slapped together. If you watch it as a cold-war-movie parody, you might actually get a laugh or two. Otherwise, use the two hours of your life doing something else (pretty much anything, like cleaning the basement, will be better than watching this).

not a bad little B movie

[pauly27uk · 6/10 · 9 February 2003]

cheaply made i only watched originally because Joe Lara was in it. not his best performance.

Kimberley Kates does a great nude scene. that girl is worth watching this film for.

i picked this dvd up at a local second hand shop for only £2.99 so i am happy i got it.

will not go into the plot as the last person to review it said it all.

So bad you'll be so glad you watched it.

[AdultAudienceMember · 3/10 · 11 May 2013]

This is a cheesy as it get. Horrible acting. Bored extras. Low speed auto chases. Gunfights with hand grenades in a small apartment that doesn't damage the dry wall....that or the walls heal themselves.

Set in Russia but filmed in Bulgaria or one of those other countries, Armstrong is a retired SEAL. Somehow he gets involved with unrepentant Commies who want to steal a nuke....or maybe not. It's hard to say. It is so bad you'll laugh so hard you'll forget the plot.

Maybe because either the plot is so forgettable or it doesn't really have one. Please do yourself a favor, watch it.

It isn't quite at good as the great Sam Elliott movie Frogs, but it is still breathtakingly horrible.

Right idea, wrong genre?

[billy_karate · 12 November 2004]

There used to be a time when you could stumble across a movie in a bargain bin and it be realized as a masterpiece. Occasionally the path of cult classics discovered by today's audience. Now, however, with the vast amount of low budget movies being made these days it seems there are too many diamonds lost in the celluloid rough.

After watching 'Armstrong' countless times I was still unsure of how to take it. Excellently choreographed spoof (to top all others including 'Airplane!') or baneful and calamitous one-take-per-shot "action" adventure.

I'm still confused but I urge you to check it out. It made me laugh and it made me cry.

Not half bad.......

[HaemovoreRex · 6/10 · 27 November 2007]

Direct to video action flick king, Frank Zagarino stars as the eponymous hero in this fairly entertaining outing set amidst the scenic splendour of Moscow.

Although sadly not containing nearly as much action as I might have liked this nonetheless serves as a pretty good way to spend ninety or so minutes and includes a great assembled cast of recognisable faces including Richard Lynch, Joe Lara and Charles Napier, some good stunt work, an entirely exploitative nude shower scene featuring a particularly HOT woman and the requisite, satisfying explosive finale. Special mention must go to Lara who portrays a decidedly suave Mafia leader and who furthermore gets all the best lines in the film!

Best scene? Another reviewer summed it up perfectly; Our hero jumps through the upper story window of his apartment to avoid a grenade and mysteriously loses all his hair on the way down only to miraculously regrow it upon landing safely upon the roof of a conveniently parked van(!!!) Well, I know that this was apparently filmed on a low budget but you'd think that someone would have at least forked out some cash on a wig for the stuntman eh?

Quite possibly one of the WORST flicks ever made! (MINOR SPOILERS!)

[rm91945 · 29 January 2003]

It should be pretty obvious from other reviews I've done that I enjoy the work of an actor named Richard Lynch. As such, I rented this horrible little film thinking I'd at least get to see one of my favorite actors in yet another role. Oh the things a fan will do!

This movie had a few decent actors in it, the aforementioned Lynch, Joe Lara and Charles Napier, but the rest must have been dragged off the street with promises of fame and glory. It's obvious to even the most obtuse person that this film was so bad it should have been buried in a sealed vault, never to be viewed by upright walking homosapiens.

The premise is interesting enough -- American hero Rod Armstrong, (Frank Zagarino-in the worst performance in this movie) goes to Russia to freelance his security skills in this `no-nukes' era. A close friend of his (Napier) comes to Russia to warn him that some slimy Soviets are not obeying the order to disarm the nukes. He's killed of course by an American mafia type (Joe Lara) and Armstrong becomes the next target.

The movie plods painfully along until the predictable end -- all the bad guys being killed in B movie fashion. This movie would have been better as a one hour episode of a show like `24' or the like. At least we wouldn't have had to suffer through the whole 90 minutes!

The only scene worth mentioning is a rather funny scene in a whorehouse where Lynch's character drunkenly cavorts with several prostitutes. The rest should have ended up on the cutting room floor!

"Strong"? No, very weak

[Wizard-8 · 19 September 2009]

You can take a boy out of his exploitation studio, but you can't take the exploitation spirit out of a boy. I was really interested to see what former Cannon studios head Menahem Golan could crank out years after making so many memorable schlocky movies from there. What made it especially interesting was that he here was working for Nu Image, what I consider to be the equivalent studio of this day and age. Plus, with B movie stars like Richard Lynch and Charles Napier, it looked like the movie would be a fun time.

Sadly, ARMSTRONG isn't that much fun to watch despite all that promise that I described above. The look of the movie is pretty cheap - we have sloppy hand-held camera use, and although the action is supposedly taking place in Moscow, it sure doesn't look like Moscow (I suspected this was filmed in Bulgaria, and the end credits confirmed this.) In fact, the movie feels very much like a cheap '80s movie with its look and musical score, suggesting Golan hasn't learned more modern filming techniques.

But the biggest sin the movie makes is that it's pretty dull. The movie is very slow-moving, with a lead who's very dull and surprisingly off camera for long chunks of the movie. The action sequences, where the movie should really deliver, are sluggish and lacking zip.

I will admit that there are a few laughs in the movie. Menahem Golan's script has some mind-boggling bad lines of dialogue. There are also some hilarious continuity errors. The biggest laugh comes from the clothing the female lead puts on after stepping out of the shower (and keeps this hilarious outfit on for a long time afterwards.) If the movie had more unintended laughs like these, I might have recommended it, but the few laughs there are aren't worth the long periods of boredom you'll have to suffer.