Swimsuit: The Movie (1997) User Reviews

Great Idea! Could Have Been Better Utilized.

[BraveHawk · 6/10 · 6 August 2005]

Swimsuit is a mockumentary about a fictional chemical company deciding to put out a swimsuit issue, in order to capitalize on sex selling their products. This company sells everything to toxic water, chicken nuggets, toilet paper, faulty breast implants. You name it, they screw it up. The rest is just "documenting" the process of making a swimsuit catalog.

This movie is mildly humorous. Although I never really laughed out loud, there is some genuinely funny moments from their "alcoholic photographer" Jeremy Hollister (Oliver Muirhead). Hollister is by far the funniest character in the movie. Looking back honestly, although I was looking for a comedy, something I thought would be like Drop Dead Gorgeous or something, I only stuck around for the hot women in bikinis. Mainly, for the insanely hot supermodel, Sandy Scotland (Suzanne Lanza), and super groupie but equally hot Roxy Randall (Dawn Ann Billings). Others worth mentioning are Amber Montana Dakota (Heidi Mark), a model known only as "A" (Sandra Purpuro) and Russian model, Svetlana (Olga Vodin).

Again, there were some mildly interesting and funny parts but I think I was led astray by the NR Rating. This could easily have been a PG. 5.5/10

A Great Premise Wasted on Cheap Jokes, Bad Acting, and No Plot

[D_Burke · 2/10 · 12 September 2010]

Photographs of beautiful women in swimsuits on the beach have always been popular. However, with the 90's being the Age of the Supermodel, such pictures piqued in popularity thanks to the infamous special editions of Sports Illustrated and other magazines. It was only a matter of time before someone would parody this specific modeling theme. Unfortunately, "Swimsuit: The Movie", in addition to presenting an uninspired story line and characters, attempts to also parody corporate greed and corruption. In doing so, the movie bites off more than it can chew. By the end of the film, you wonder why these filmmakers even bothered to make this film.

There could have been great comic possibilities for making a film only about a swimsuit shoot for a magazine. In fact, the opening credits seemed to have the right idea as they show one model posing on her knees as the tide flows in, only to drag decidedly unsexy seaweed along with it. That scenario was one of the few modeling bloopers that actually made me chuckle.

It's when they introduced the actual story that this idea spiraled into the depths of Hell. Following the credits, you see a press conference where the CEO of a controversial conglomerate, Stan Madison (Arthur Roberts), wants to put together a swimsuit calendar to promote his company's products. Such a move (he says) will distract people from the pollution his company has caused under his regime and increase consumers' confidence in his brand. His public relations manager Colleen Todd (Rebecca Bush) thinks it's a bad idea and tells him so, but in the biggest inconsistency that gives the movie a permanent imbalance, goes along with him anyway. They hire a drunken photographer (Oliver Miurhead), and audition supermodels who are supposed to be this film's saving grace, but are all one-dimensional stereotypes.

Now, with a movie called "Swimsuit: The Movie", you would expect that these women would be beautiful. Fortunately, they are, but that's all they have going for them.

The script gives the actresses playing the models very little to work with, resulting in characters I have seen in many movies before. There's a jaded supermodel (Playboy centerfold Heidi Mark) who is good at what she does, but is basically a diva. The other models include a Southern belle with Daisy Duke's outfit, a Russian model who no speak English good (and, interestingly enough, is a Communist, despite the Soviet Union falling six years before this movie was made), and an angry African-American model who never ceases to remind us that everyone else on the set is a "honky". If the latter stereotype wasn't tired enough, or offensive enough for that matter, there's also a Jewish American Princess who talks like Fran Drescher. When she appeared on screen, I knew it was only a matter of time before she said something jaw-droppingly insensitive. In this case, Colleen Todd asks her to describe her ideal man. The JAP replies, first, that he has to make her laugh. Shortly afterwords, she adds, "Oh yeah, and money is important, too." Of course it is.

As the models visit locations from a rain forest to a beach littered with toxic waste, the jokes remain predictable, the gags backfire, the dialogue sounds forced, and the story feels clunky. There were even scenes that looked as though they were put in the final cut out of order too. They probably were, judging from the poor editing job of this film.

I want to give this movie credit because it is an independent film shot on a shoestring budget. Unfortunately, it looks and feels that way.

What is also interesting is that gags are inserted into the closing credits similar to what Zucker-Abrahams-Zucker did in "Airplane" (1980) and "The Naked Gun" (1988). One credit says following things like "Assistant Grip": Not Funny: Ernest Movies, Pauly Shore, Gallagher. They may be correct about that, but this movie does not prove that the people who made it are any funnier.

Dastardly humor, Drop Dead gorgeous models

[inkblot11 · 7/10 · 19 February 2005]

Colleen (Rebeccah Bush) is a public relations director for a most dastardly chemical company. The firm's motto is deceive and destroy, as evidenced by it's products. Among these dandy inventions is a lousy chicken substitute, faulty breast implants, cleaners that hurt the environment and more. The big boss dictates that Colleen will oversee the making of a swimsuit catalog for the company. A la Sports Illustrated, the firm's catalog will feature beautiful swimsuit models demonstrating the swell advantages of every product. The chosen models do their best, as the troupe travels to the rain forest, an oily beach, and other less than perfect locations. Will anyone quit before the photo shoot is over? This film's funny premise translates to the screen fairly well. The models are absolutely stunning, with strong personalities to boot. The head of the company is, subtly, quite amusing, as he deadpans outrageous comments about the environmental impact of his firm. Some of the locations are lovely but, the scenery deteriorates as the money runs out. For those who like an offbeat, wicked sense of humor, this film is for you. Those who like to ogle pretty women in bikinis will get a kick out of it, too.

Funny mockumentary spoof with lots gags and girls!

[reception-24457 · 8/10 · 27 August 2018]

Funny mockumentary spoof with lots gags and girls!