Beach House (1982) User Reviews

"You guys! Keep it down, we're trying to get drunk!"

[Groverdox · 5/10 · 2 January 2019]

A group of young people arrive on the beach for fun and frivolity.

Many of them have ridiculous, over-the-top Brooklyn accents.

Lots of "HEYYY", "UHHH?", double negatives, and characters with names like Mikey and Frankie. It's like an Andrew Dice Clay set, cleaned up.

Their neighbours are, perhaps, supposed to be punk rocker types - at least that is how the guidos refer to them.

One of the cute Brooklyn girls seems improbably charmed by the quasi-punk types. They take her to meet their friends, who turn out to be even more obnoxious than they are. She doesn't seem to mind.

The movie has some musical scenes that for once aren't just a slog to sit through, and a lot of hot bikini babes - but no nudity. It's not really a sex comedy.

A relationship between a tough Brooklyn chick and one of the other guys actually turns into a kind of touching love story - at least in one scene.

There is an ill-advised chase sequence toward the end of the movie, which I didn't understand or appreciate.

Then the movie segues into a kind of gig on the beach, when the punk rock types play a mediocre song and the other cast members dance around with what looks like painful over-enthusiasm.

And that's it. No sex or nudity, but some romantic scenes. And nothing else to set this one apart, and certainly, nothing in particular to recommend it.

An Enjoyable Time Capsule of Northeastern Beach Party Scene

[doomedandstonedofficial · 6/10 · 11 April 2021]

As I was just 7 years old when this movie came out, it's hard for me to know how much of this movie (and others of its kind) is a genuine reflection of 1980s youth culture, much less the partying and music scene. The goofy "we are young, we are free" sex comedies of the '80s were quite a trend in filmmaking, and I'm certain much of it was more of an exaggeration of how things "actually" were. When it comes down to it, it's probably more a projection of the director's own sense of humor combined with cinema tropes, broad stereotyping, and the desire to push the envelope. So when I call this movie a time capsule, perhaps it's more for the incidental elements -- music, fashion, technology, and the regional cultural distinctives of Northeastern United States. With that said, this is pretty mild on the sex and nudity kind of thing.

It is a genuine time capsule in terms of the casual misogyny on display. So if it offends you, just remember this is how it actually was in the '80s. There's one guy in this movie that's a real creep with rapey vibes all over him. He was almost enough to ruin the movie for me, but he gets his comeuppance and no one actually gets raped or murdered, so that's at least something to commend the film (as it wouldn't have served to advance the plot in any way).

Beach House

[rob-schnitzer · 5/10 · 12 January 2021]

This is a weird one to judge. There's basically no plot or story other than a bunch of rich kids from Pennsylvania go to the Jersey shore to party for a week. While there, a bunch of Italian kids from Brooklyn are their neighbors and they run afoul of each other while the girls try playing matchmaker. The acting is bad, the script is terrible, and there's no storyline. That said, there's a charm to this where it grows on you after a while. The styles, the music, the accents, I'd almost rather see home movies from this time period and location. Ended up enjoying it enough.

Love it

[apmccloskey · 7 July 2002]

Beach House is just a fun movie. It is one movie in my VHS collection that I will never give up. My wife and I love to watch it when we're lazing on a Saturday afternoon. If you're from Philly and went down the shore as a teen (which I am and did) you'll love it too. But don't just watch it once, watch it a few times because it grows on you. Scenes from the Jersey Turnpike, Jersey Shore, Ocean City and the bars there of the late seventies. The soundtrack music is excellent, Ramones-like punk and other great catchy tunes with a late 70's early 80's feel. The comrodory within the cast is great. There's lots of catchy phrases in it that stick with you. Kate ("a little lower") McNeil went on to star in many other movies and TV shows, the mini-series "North and South" being one. If there's any Beach House cast out there reading this, please drop me a line to let me know what you've been up to. I feel like I know you guys.

Beach House 1982

[pj575 · 2/10 · 3 August 2006]

I think this movie was really bad, but I liked seeing it because it was shot in a house I owned in Ocean City New Jersey. The whole thing was done in six weeks during the summer when the town was very crowded. They blocked off the street and shot all day and through the evening. It was a great process to watch. The original title "Down the Shore" was considered but changed because that is an expression that is used only by the people in the Philadelphia area. Other locations were used that showed amusements and rides that are not in Ocean City. Some were done in Wildwood New Jersey about 25 miles away. It also looked like three different houses were used. My house had two small apartments and one large unit above. All the interior shots were done in my house and some of the outside shots were done using the fronts of other houses in town. I thought that was done very well and it looked convincing. PJ Smith

Amateur Hour

[grolt · 2/10 · 9 March 2003]

"Beach House" is a fairly weak and derivative teen comedy. It strives to be like "Animal House" and "American Graffiti", and it largely fails. The script is inept, and the direction is so loosely plotted and ill conceived that it is tough to follow what exactly is going on throughout the film. The story seems secondary to musical interludes and drinking games. What is even more puzzling is the attempted rape scene near the end of the film. It is quite dark and does not suit the film at all. It is as if they tried to rip off "Halloween" momentarily too, just to rack in a quick buck.

It is somewhat of a shame that this movie is so poorly made. There are a few decent things going for it. The music is in the same vein as The Ramones's music in "Rock 'n' Roll High School", and evokes some feelings of nostalgia. The best part of the film though, are a few of the female leads. Ileana Seidel as the spunky Brooklyn broad, Cecile, is really cute and has some screen presence. It is a shame that this film is the only one to bare her name. Kate McNeil achieved slightly more success than Seidel, and she too was good in "Beach House".

As a film, "Beach House" is just excess. It offers no story or even characters to connect with, and it just plays out like a plodding music video. Proof of the film's inability to create character is the fact that it does not even offer a resolution. Do the boys from Philly end up getting along with the Brooklyn greasers? Apparently nobody making the film cares. If you love teen comedies then give this a look, but it ain't no "Porky's", that's for sure!

Full of laughs, A CULT CLASSIC

[bgbub88 · 10/10 · 26 November 2007]

I bought this movie of ebay a little while ago not really knowing what to expect. My father wrote and produced this when he was 21. I felt the introduction of characters was done really well, and you can easily see what kind of character development goes on through out the movie. The philly and Brooklyn gangs reminded me of my guys back home, (Loud, comical, drunks) The scenes of googie and the crew raiding the fridge late at night after the bar as well as checking out girls on the beach definitely matches with the teen audience, i mean come on, if your from the tri state, you all have rented out a house on the beach and stocked it only with beer and barbecue.

The characters definitely grew on me and i was surprised by the end of the movie how the polar opposite groups of teens all become friends in their own little corky ways. The jokes and humor of this easily relate to movies i grew up with(American Pie, Cant Hardley Wait) and the soundtrack fits perfectly (ramones, punk).

East Coast teen/beach movie

[fishx-1 · 7/10 · 28 June 2010]

Beach House unquestionably has a distinctive East Coast vibe as compared to most teen-beach-T&A films from the late '70s thru the '80s which have the obvious So-Cal West Coast youth milieu. These South Philly and Brooklyn characters are fairly realistic and a welcomed change of pace for this type of film. And of course, there really are not enough films shot at the Jersey Shore. As stated by other reviews here, the characters really grow on you. Additionally, after living through absolute crap such as reality shows like The Jersey Shore, Beach House is now completely charming, and frankly, much more realistic. The amateur actors are so realistic it almost seems like a reality show filmed in a traditional manner. Beach House also avoids an unnecessary mean vibe which many beach-teen films did not purely out of lazy writing. The sub plot of a sexual predator was a good idea for a climactic scene. This films is really just a good independent film more than a traditional T&A-teen film. But Indy films wouldn't be truly welcomed or popular for at least 10 years from then. Kudos to 21 year old writer-producer Marino Amoruso.

East Coast Punk Rock Nostalgia

[baamoruso · 10/10 · 7 July 2019]

Firstly, Beach House had its fair share of hurdles to get over prior to even filming, but both the writer (Marino Amoruso) and the director (John Gallagher), both barely in the 20s, were able to get their first national film completed in a quick few weeks during the summer (as most of the cast was home from Emerson college (where they had attended school). The characters they created, along with with the cast chosen to portray them stayed true to the philly meets brooklyn story they push through the film. Amoruso had used many of his New York cousins to play the brooklynites, including his own father as the chief of police. Beach House also has a crunchy sound track, led by late Del fuegos guitarist Adam Roth. I even enjoyed following the looking up the cast to see where they are now and many of them became influential comedians, directors, actors, V/O artists and rock stars. Funny to see them young at their beginnings. With all the above stated, it certainly has been logged into the realm of 80's teen flicks, as recent as may 2019 this movie was written up in a book titled "TEEN MOVIE HELL: A Crucible of Coming-of-Age Comedies from Animal House to Zapped!" The stories i remember hearing were that they had to use mafia connections in order to transport the cast crew and gear down the jersey shore from Brooklyn in large limos and a few flatbed trucks. (As this was shot during the late 70s gas crisis, finally releasing in the 80s). Also, that in order to provide catering, they young producers had to convince all the local restaurants that they were a national cinema company, offering loads of exposure in return for hundreds of sandwiches. (You can see this on several occasions as the casts outfits include names of areas they filmed at, such as "Phil's Rock Room.") This movie was done in true indie fashion! I would recommend Beach House if your looking for good old fun in a movie, the jokes, style and nostalgia can give you a laugh, even the corny ones!

Forgotten youth comedy - for good reasons

[Wizard-8 · 23 July 2016]

It's time for a 1980s youth-oriented comedy! So where are we going this time? Los Angeles? Florida? Nope - this time the action is taking place in... Ocean City, New Jersey? But the unlikely location is not one of the real problems that sink this movie. If you think you are going to get a lot of explicit material, you will be really disappointed. There's no real foul language, no nudity, and no real sex. The movie is strictly at a PG level at its most. Not only does the script not deliver the goods, it doesn't really have a story to tell - it's just one scene after another with little connection linking these scenes. More disappointing is that the movie THINKS it's funny, but it doesn't generate one single laugh or smile. I will say this for the movie - while the no-name cast gives amateurish performances, and some of the players look too old to be playing young adults (one of them is visibly balding), they all the same come across as somewhat likable. They deserved a lot better than this.

An amazing American Teenage classic

[todd-95139 · 10/10 · 9 October 2023]

I can't say enough good things about Down The Shore, the scene where Adam and the gang are sitting on the boardwalk playing a cover of The Nerves is quite amazing. How did they even hear that Nerves record at the time, did they order from Bomp? Every song is a hit, and the sleazy back & forth from the Jersey crew vs the AC crew was timeless. Also the food fight scene where Jonathan Paley takes two turkey drumsticks and walks over to the drums and starts playing with them is right up there with the similar scene in the equally amazing GET CRAZY where John Densmore does that same trick. Top tier American punk cinema here folks.

Nonetheless, we just reissued the incredible soundtrack LP on Hozac Records, still a few copies left if you're interested!

Why are you even reading up on this film?

[BigCombo · 10 July 1999]

Easily one of the worst pieces of trash I've suffered through in my life, though it does have some brilliantly weird dialogue on the part of one really minor character who shows up at the end as a plot contrivance (he tries to rape some girl and she's rescued by her boyfriend...). Pure garbage. Why did you even look it up?

Man oh man, I cannot tell you how bad this film is. Yeah, that bad.

Aimless teens & sand saga, east coast style

[lor_ · 11 February 2023]

My review was written in June 1984 after watching the movie on Thorn EMI video cassette.

"Beach House" is an unsuccessful feature ill-advisedly attempting to aapt the format of west coast surf and sand frolics to the Jersey shore. Filmed in Ocean City and Avalon, New Jersey several seasons back under the title "Down the Shore", tame entry was released marginally in 1982 and is currently a home video entry.

Slim premise derives from cultural clash as a folksy group of Italian kids from Brooklyn, headed by handsome Anthony (John Cosola) go to Ocean City for a week's vacation at the beach, staying at a house where kids from Philadelphia likewise are staying. Anthony falls for a cute blonde from Philly named Cindy (Kathy McNeil) and both groups spend their time drinking beer and dancing to rock music.

With unfunny, strictly functional dialing, and an absence of the wild gags and grossness that have made scores of teen comedies (culminating in "Porky's") work, "House" adds up to mere filler. Cas, which seems to be populated by friends and relatives of young producer Marino Amoruso, tries hard but makes little headway within the plotless format, which has no payoff, ending with a nothing dance number on the beach.

Reportedly, a plan was devised to convert the finished film into a trendy horror opus by adding footage of a mutated monster coming out of the ocean to threaten the protagonists, but even that hackneyed gimmick wouldn't have helped. No horror scenes are included in the film viewed here.