Flossie (1974)
7/10
Preposterous... aka The Luckiest Man in Sweden
26 April 2024
I have this on a drive-in compilation, and was expecting some Erwin C. Dietrich-level smut (both Swedish-related). What I got was exactly one hair short of full-blown porn. As in, you can tell when people are actually having sex, minus any graphic close-ups or finishes.

I'll say what I actually liked first. There are plenty of reasons I feel the Golden Age of porn is the best. Flossie exemplifies some strong characteristics found in a lot of 70's plot-driven, erotic X-rated films. First of all, this movie has an overarching story, and it's a good premise. Second, the fantasies (er, mostly told in flashback) are very thoughtful. My favorite 70's adult films (usually) have a great way of incorporating the sex into the story and plot line. This movie is wonderful in these respects.

Alright, Jack (Jack Frank) is one of the three main characters in this film. Why? All I can figure is he's got a pretty face and a big D. It sure as hell ain't his personality or his passion. This actor and character literally cripples what's good about this film.

The connection Jack has with Eva and Flossie is ultimately explained, but what preceded had me constantly asking Why?! Jack has exactly zero charisma, and looks stone-faced, no matter the situation. Flossie FALLS IN LOVE with the dullard minutes after they meet. Even after exuding the personality of a rotten tree stump. He gets some blowskis from Flossie, and puts both hands behind his head like he's a sultan entertaining his harem. Stone-face. Somehow, in another galaxy, he gets into a four-way with three female strangers from a limo. Apparently just another day at the office. I think he goes Oh! When the ladies remove his blindfold to reveal an orgy observing them. Bravo, Jack! A pretty face'll only get you so far, unless you're a rock star. Jack travels to different embassies, in some capacity, and wanders the streets of Stockholm gawking at foxy ladies. Me? Envious? Maybe.

There ARE unintentional laughs to be found, courtesy of Jack blandly reciting graphic sexual acts. Also, one performer looks disturbingly like Neil Young.

There's a fly in my soup. Burn in hell, Jack.
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