Life (I) (2017)
Calvin and the Seven Knobs
2 April 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Dumbest group of astronauts ever assembled. Was I the only one who expected them to all hide behind a curtain and Calvin would come out with a chainsaw to cut them up?

The biologist Hugh alternates between foolish rainbows and unicorns dreams and then mumbo-jumbo.

The Russian commander has the perfect opportunity to get rid of it when it is on her outside the ISS. She can wrap both arms around it and then kick off the station with her legs, sending her and Calvin off into space. Does she do it? Nope.

And when she dies and floats away, THEY ALL START CRYING. I started laughing. How can you not?

When Calvin is trying to get in the thrusters, it has obviously moved all around the outside of the large station. It is so large, the astronauts were just bragging about the size in their PR event. So what do a few of them do? They keep asking "David, can you see it?" David is one guy looking out one peephole of a large object with many sharp angles. Yet, they keep asking "David, can you see it?" Oh, and was I the only one who knew that if they start firing thrusters they will end up out of orbit? Then they will have to fire them again to get back and ... well, we all saw what happened.

And before all this, when they caught the capsule returning from Mars, did you see the size of it and the speed? It costs money to shoot weight up into orbit. Everything up there is designed to prioritize low weight, not super-strength. There is no way they have a "remote arm" that is strong enough to have caught that (M x V) without breaking at a joint.

Now, last but not least, what was Jake Gyllenhaal trying to emulate? Rainman? Some other character I didn't recognize, maybe Sling Blade? He was so far out of it they would have sent him back to earth on the last ferry.

Oh, btw, I love how people say "the plot was believable". Right, because this same thing happened just a few years ago, didn't it? Do you want to know the one simple thing that killed the credibility of the plot. The idiotic Calvin starfish comes out of hibernation, grows up, and instantly knows how everything on the International Space Station. Calvin instantly recognizes how all kinds of man-made mechanisms and contraptions work. Sure. SURE HE DOES. If the human characters and human actions had been fine, I could have forgiven that obvious fabrication, but when the whole thing is a mess, well, CLICK. Off you go.
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