I'm still stuck in the 70s and rolling the dice on 'A Taste of Evil' tonight.
I wonder if evil tastes like wild boar blended with puss-infused goat boils and the essence of rotten milk. Let's find out.
The movie started with that outdated "Once upon a time" adage where Raggedy Ann is the only witness to a child abduction.
Lucille, the karate kid's mother, picks up a boarding student from Switzerland named Miss Susan.
Seven minutes into this movie, and already my mind's starting to wander elsewhere.
Apparently, Miss Susan spent two years in a Swedish rehab facility to have her mind erased from all the trips to Mars she thought she took. In short, she's a headcase.
What's the difference between her being committed for two years in an institution when she's under house arrest at this mansion out in the middle of nowhere?
Wait a minute! What morsels of evil are we talking about here, exactly? Nothing that's happened so far has exceeded the PG-13 bracket.
Miss Susan wears a cloak, like you'd see in a Beatles music video. So you know how dated this movie is.
Twenty minutes in, and still no evil samplers offered, just Miss Susan thinking she saw a shadow in the woods.
Hmm, remember that imaginary play friend you created in your mind when you were a kid? Come on, you even gave it a name? Well, Miss Susan here, aged about 28, still plays silly mind games like that with Frank the Bunny - I mean, Harold the child abductor.
Don't forget she's traveled to Jupiter and beyond before, so she's the real deal and not faking anything inside her head. The odds are short that she's even tasted unearthly foods from other planets as well.
Hey, where's my aunt, Marlene? She'd be the relish spread holding this movie together.
The groundskeeper, John, is also a halfwit and would be my aunt Marlene's valentine.
Forty minutes in, and this is worse than last night's movie. Still no Whitman's Samplers or blended evil smoothies.
Miss Susan lures groundskeeper John into the woods and talk about the blind leading the blind. He's even armed with a boomstick. This is like pairing up Jim Jones and Squeaky Fromme.
The movie's all psychological headcase stuff, which I don't have the patience for.
The dead corpse from the pond in Stephen King's 'IT' lunges from the water again, and Miss Susan arms herself with the boom stick and blasts Harold the Bunny away, probably as a case of mistaken identity. She's then escorted away in a snazzy, mellow yellow sports car with no police involvement.
Meanwhile, Lucille and the groundskeeper, John, are in cahoots together and have stolen one of Jeffrey Dahmer's stolen mannequins, and apparently it's all about greed as Lucille has left her will to herself and is that perverse; she wants her own daughter out of the picture to be heir to the estate. Wow.
In her madness, Lucille turns on groundskeeper John, sees Harold the Bunny in him, and has inherited her daughter's mental illness as well.
Groundskeeper John is fired for, I dunno, age discrimination?
It leaves Lucille at home all by herself to indulge in a thousand acres of opulence, a shotgun, and very little else to do.
Harold the Bunny starts taunting her with a carriage service no longer available in 2024 - a landline-dial phone.
There are traces of 'Mommie Dearest' about Lucille's madness at the end here as the pond corpse from 'IT' continues to torment the already demented.
95% of the actors in this movie put the fruit in cake.
They're all black belts in mental illness.
After being fired, groundskeeper John trespasses and is about to be fired again as Lucille unloads on him with a double barrel.
She's then arrested at the end and is sort of the embodiment of evil, like my aunt Marlene, who is the monach of the kingdom of lunatics. Eat your heart out, Freddy's mother.
The end is kind of confusing, as Harold the Bunny wasn't really dead at all, and there is something about bullets being blanks and people feigning death as a sort of mock trial run to snare Mommie Dearest Lucille into self-admission and prove Miss Susan was a twisted sister all along and deserved to be locked away.
The only good thing about 'A Taste of Evil' was the Swanson's fried chicken dinner for 84 cents commercial at the end.
Is that the taste this movie was promoting - TV dinners?
So, evil tastes like chicken, gravy, corn, and mashed potatoes?
What's so evil about that?
I wonder if evil tastes like wild boar blended with puss-infused goat boils and the essence of rotten milk. Let's find out.
The movie started with that outdated "Once upon a time" adage where Raggedy Ann is the only witness to a child abduction.
Lucille, the karate kid's mother, picks up a boarding student from Switzerland named Miss Susan.
Seven minutes into this movie, and already my mind's starting to wander elsewhere.
Apparently, Miss Susan spent two years in a Swedish rehab facility to have her mind erased from all the trips to Mars she thought she took. In short, she's a headcase.
What's the difference between her being committed for two years in an institution when she's under house arrest at this mansion out in the middle of nowhere?
Wait a minute! What morsels of evil are we talking about here, exactly? Nothing that's happened so far has exceeded the PG-13 bracket.
Miss Susan wears a cloak, like you'd see in a Beatles music video. So you know how dated this movie is.
Twenty minutes in, and still no evil samplers offered, just Miss Susan thinking she saw a shadow in the woods.
Hmm, remember that imaginary play friend you created in your mind when you were a kid? Come on, you even gave it a name? Well, Miss Susan here, aged about 28, still plays silly mind games like that with Frank the Bunny - I mean, Harold the child abductor.
Don't forget she's traveled to Jupiter and beyond before, so she's the real deal and not faking anything inside her head. The odds are short that she's even tasted unearthly foods from other planets as well.
Hey, where's my aunt, Marlene? She'd be the relish spread holding this movie together.
The groundskeeper, John, is also a halfwit and would be my aunt Marlene's valentine.
Forty minutes in, and this is worse than last night's movie. Still no Whitman's Samplers or blended evil smoothies.
Miss Susan lures groundskeeper John into the woods and talk about the blind leading the blind. He's even armed with a boomstick. This is like pairing up Jim Jones and Squeaky Fromme.
The movie's all psychological headcase stuff, which I don't have the patience for.
The dead corpse from the pond in Stephen King's 'IT' lunges from the water again, and Miss Susan arms herself with the boom stick and blasts Harold the Bunny away, probably as a case of mistaken identity. She's then escorted away in a snazzy, mellow yellow sports car with no police involvement.
Meanwhile, Lucille and the groundskeeper, John, are in cahoots together and have stolen one of Jeffrey Dahmer's stolen mannequins, and apparently it's all about greed as Lucille has left her will to herself and is that perverse; she wants her own daughter out of the picture to be heir to the estate. Wow.
In her madness, Lucille turns on groundskeeper John, sees Harold the Bunny in him, and has inherited her daughter's mental illness as well.
Groundskeeper John is fired for, I dunno, age discrimination?
It leaves Lucille at home all by herself to indulge in a thousand acres of opulence, a shotgun, and very little else to do.
Harold the Bunny starts taunting her with a carriage service no longer available in 2024 - a landline-dial phone.
There are traces of 'Mommie Dearest' about Lucille's madness at the end here as the pond corpse from 'IT' continues to torment the already demented.
95% of the actors in this movie put the fruit in cake.
They're all black belts in mental illness.
After being fired, groundskeeper John trespasses and is about to be fired again as Lucille unloads on him with a double barrel.
She's then arrested at the end and is sort of the embodiment of evil, like my aunt Marlene, who is the monach of the kingdom of lunatics. Eat your heart out, Freddy's mother.
The end is kind of confusing, as Harold the Bunny wasn't really dead at all, and there is something about bullets being blanks and people feigning death as a sort of mock trial run to snare Mommie Dearest Lucille into self-admission and prove Miss Susan was a twisted sister all along and deserved to be locked away.
The only good thing about 'A Taste of Evil' was the Swanson's fried chicken dinner for 84 cents commercial at the end.
Is that the taste this movie was promoting - TV dinners?
So, evil tastes like chicken, gravy, corn, and mashed potatoes?
What's so evil about that?