Ghosted (I) (2023)
1/10
Dumb
7 May 2023
An Apple Original which opens with someone using Apple Car Play. Product placement at its worst. And then it goes downhill.

Handsome guy meets girl and they have a first date which seems to consist mostly of kissing in front of Washington DC landmarks. Handsome guy visits his parents and talks about girl. Handsome guy texts girl (wonder what phone he's got) but gets no response. Handsome guy with not much effort discovers that girl is in London (coz Apple loves London). Handsome guy flies to London which gives the movie a chance to show off a couple of other landmarks. Guy gets taxi. Taxi driver talks like he's come straight out of a Dickens novel. Taxi drops handsome guy off in front of a Pizza Express (coz Apple loves Pizza Express, see also Slow Horses). Guy walks around Tower Bridge for a bit. Bad guys appear. You can tell they're bad guys coz they don't have much hair. Heroes have hair. And, as it's 2023, beards. Hair and beards equal nice. Anyway, handsome guy gets tied up, but never mind coz all the bad guys get shot, and we don't need to care whether the bad guys have families or not, coz bad guys aren't born, they arrive fully formed with designer jackets, guns and advanced stages of hair loss. So we don't need to worry about them. Handsome guy escapes, slides down a mountain, gets on a bus, gets into a fight...

And then I turned it off. I had to. I felt like my IQ was being sucked out of me.
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