This movie is irritating to say the least. If you are going to watch it despite the bad reviews, make sure you are not around someone you want to impress with your manners, because you are certainly going to curse and scream in anger.
SPOILERS AHEAD!
1) If you are the father of two irritating and dramatic good-for-nothing girls, and you are being chased by an alpha male lion that's gone bonkers, just act as if you were at the library, never losing your calm, with the patience of a saint, saying ok to anything the stupid girls tell you.
2) If your father tells you to stay inside the freaking car because the lion is haunting you, you just do the opposite because it's ok, chances are your major desobedience won't amount to much trouble.
3) If your father goes unarmed and on foot near the corpses to get the truck keys, and you know the lion might be roaming nearby, what better idea could there be but to call him on the radio, because waiting for more than five minutes makes you anxious apparently and you want things done now and right away, regardless of the lion hearing the radio and you literally putting your father's life at risk because you are an insolent impatient brat?
4) If a giant lion manages to get it's head inside the car, kick it on the jaw. That will protect you. Teenage girls' kicks on lions heads and jaws are very useful and will eventually scare the lion away because they will hurt it enough as to leave you alone for some time. You might end up with a superficial wound in your ribs (?) but your legs will be intact.
5) If a lion is chasing you, and you find an old empty school in the middle of nowhere, with another pride of lions nearby, you might get in but don't bother closing the door. Lions tend to be very well-mannered and knock before getting inside. Some even give you a welcoming basket.
6) But when the rude lion that's is still alive after an explosion that blew up on its face on another location manages to find you in seconds after you drove miles to get elsewhere (super speed powers, maybe) and insists on killing you, the best solution is not to take advantage of the narrow corridors of the house, but rather jog to the open sabana, and let it attack you. Why would you do this? Because you have a fairy-tale agenda that requires explaining at the end of the movie and the odds of it taking place are, in your doubtless mind, of a one hundred percent. Also, help is only a second away, all of a sudden.
7) And, when the giant alpha male lion who is now really pissed off, burnt and bloodthirsty attacks you, it will bite your back, chew your arms and legs, but be still your heart, the wounds will equal those of a Chihuahua's. All limbs will remain there, just a few superficial scratches, nothing to worry about. Pitbulls can chew a man's arm off with a single bite, but lions cannot. Too bad the characters didn't know this from the beginning to feel some reassurance.
All in all, I'm packing to go to wherever the movie is set to find me a lion and have some daredevil adventure, because I'm sure things will be as easy and safe as in this movie. 🙄
SPOILERS AHEAD!
1) If you are the father of two irritating and dramatic good-for-nothing girls, and you are being chased by an alpha male lion that's gone bonkers, just act as if you were at the library, never losing your calm, with the patience of a saint, saying ok to anything the stupid girls tell you.
2) If your father tells you to stay inside the freaking car because the lion is haunting you, you just do the opposite because it's ok, chances are your major desobedience won't amount to much trouble.
3) If your father goes unarmed and on foot near the corpses to get the truck keys, and you know the lion might be roaming nearby, what better idea could there be but to call him on the radio, because waiting for more than five minutes makes you anxious apparently and you want things done now and right away, regardless of the lion hearing the radio and you literally putting your father's life at risk because you are an insolent impatient brat?
4) If a giant lion manages to get it's head inside the car, kick it on the jaw. That will protect you. Teenage girls' kicks on lions heads and jaws are very useful and will eventually scare the lion away because they will hurt it enough as to leave you alone for some time. You might end up with a superficial wound in your ribs (?) but your legs will be intact.
5) If a lion is chasing you, and you find an old empty school in the middle of nowhere, with another pride of lions nearby, you might get in but don't bother closing the door. Lions tend to be very well-mannered and knock before getting inside. Some even give you a welcoming basket.
6) But when the rude lion that's is still alive after an explosion that blew up on its face on another location manages to find you in seconds after you drove miles to get elsewhere (super speed powers, maybe) and insists on killing you, the best solution is not to take advantage of the narrow corridors of the house, but rather jog to the open sabana, and let it attack you. Why would you do this? Because you have a fairy-tale agenda that requires explaining at the end of the movie and the odds of it taking place are, in your doubtless mind, of a one hundred percent. Also, help is only a second away, all of a sudden.
7) And, when the giant alpha male lion who is now really pissed off, burnt and bloodthirsty attacks you, it will bite your back, chew your arms and legs, but be still your heart, the wounds will equal those of a Chihuahua's. All limbs will remain there, just a few superficial scratches, nothing to worry about. Pitbulls can chew a man's arm off with a single bite, but lions cannot. Too bad the characters didn't know this from the beginning to feel some reassurance.
All in all, I'm packing to go to wherever the movie is set to find me a lion and have some daredevil adventure, because I'm sure things will be as easy and safe as in this movie. 🙄