Legend has it that 'Contamination .7' AKA 'The Crawlers' masquerades as 'Troll 3' but I've heard that this movie is the true 'Troll 3.'
Movie starts out with Kelsey Grammer, Ceasar and a bunch of medieval 'Buck Rogers' weirdos beheading a grape thief.
Dehydrated rat soldiers, of the trumpet clan, then toot their bugles to commence some Olympus sword battle among iffy gladiators vying for a right to the throne, or shares in cooking oil.
Ator? That's right - this movie was originally called 'Ator 4.'
Ator 4 is impaled and killed by an RB7 demon who in turn turns into a Nilbog troll. Yep, there's the little critter right there.
The overdramatic score in this is drowning out the Roman soldier's vocals.
How can Ator 4 be in this scene now when he was just killed off a few minutes ago?
These ugly little trolls are just crossbreeds of Ugnaughts. Who are equally as ugly. The stupid thing talks and I didn't hear one word it said. In fact, I can't understand one word anybody is saying for that matter.
The terrible quality of this DVD is so rich it's bleeding shaded colors.
The dead guy, Ator 4, who's alive somehow has left his wife and son in the care of Gwildor. Now, Gwildor is that other mugwort twit from 'She-Ra: Princess of Power.' But to confuse matters more, he's also the same eye infection from Lundgren's 'Masters of The Universe.' Gwildor was never in He-Man. He's in this crap though. And he drugs Ator 4's wife with some GHB which causes her to make love to the little puppet. Is this scene for real? What he done is/was illegal.
This goofy score is abusing my inner eardrums. Tone down the music, please.
Ator 4 tries to kill the little Grizzlor from Nilbog but the blow is deflected with some, "I have spoken, this is the way," trash talk. He then meets Chaka Khan and is instructed to kill the Ewok again but it fails a second time and he becomes a prisoner of war trapped in Gwildor's man cave.
Ator 4 eventually splits the little gremlin in half then becomes 'Commando' and escapes the captured man lair and announces his desire to be Conan instead.
Wow - two knuckleheads, who are joined at the hip, are easily defeated by confined spaces then split in two by a cowardly Ator 4 backstab move.
Godzilla appears as the next wave of video game boss and is easily sliced opened and makes the same noises that the wizard from 'Conan the Destroyer' did.
This is the second time Ator 4 has moved a plastic movie prop and pretended that it was heavy.
They even have the gall to pull a 'Godfather' scene with a cat but the cat's an inanimate piece of plastic.
I don't know what this upbeat 'Fall Guy' music is as it's set in medieval times.
They're also trying to steal an Indiana Jones sequence here with the crumbling building and dead skeletons.
A sorceress, wearing an oversized domino on her head, desires Ator 4 and he becomes the apple in her eye so she sets a trap for him while he slays a gambler and then sets a woman on fire before walking around aimlessly lost in this movie's directionless plot with nothing to do and no purpose.
They're playing that hip, upbeat, 80's game show music again, which doesn't fit in. (Try and picture Robin Hood running around a castle as a score from 'The A-Team' plays.)
Another Nilbog troll shows up sporting Christopher Walken hair and is well spoken like a fine distinguished gentleman. (Or is it Frank Costanza hair?)
Him and some desperate pimple-faced wizard conspire to snare Valeria as they listened to the Guns and Roses song "You Could be Mine" too much and believed it.
The two baddies in this only want love and want to keep Ator 4 and Valeria as pets. Their intentions aren't really evil.
Aren't movie's supposed to entertain you? Then why am I sitting here thinking about the end of the world?
Dolph Lundgren can count his lucky stars he wasn't cast as the lead in this.
In the end, the guy with the blistered face picks up Troll 3, or Walken, and commits suicide in a tub of acid.
Ator 4 and what's-her-name run off like pixies happy as Larry and the melted troll returns and laughs before the end credits roll. Is that thing laughing at the viewer for enduring this nightmare? Is the joke on us?
People in this movie die but reappear unharmed and without explanation so it seems.
This movie is another torture device concocted by the entertainment industry to experiment on a gullible public who are already damaged from all the other mind-numbing crap they've been exposed to over the years.
Dehydrated rat soldiers, of the trumpet clan, then toot their bugles to commence some Olympus sword battle among iffy gladiators vying for a right to the throne, or shares in cooking oil.
Ator? That's right - this movie was originally called 'Ator 4.'
Ator 4 is impaled and killed by an RB7 demon who in turn turns into a Nilbog troll. Yep, there's the little critter right there.
The overdramatic score in this is drowning out the Roman soldier's vocals.
How can Ator 4 be in this scene now when he was just killed off a few minutes ago?
These ugly little trolls are just crossbreeds of Ugnaughts. Who are equally as ugly. The stupid thing talks and I didn't hear one word it said. In fact, I can't understand one word anybody is saying for that matter.
The terrible quality of this DVD is so rich it's bleeding shaded colors.
The dead guy, Ator 4, who's alive somehow has left his wife and son in the care of Gwildor. Now, Gwildor is that other mugwort twit from 'She-Ra: Princess of Power.' But to confuse matters more, he's also the same eye infection from Lundgren's 'Masters of The Universe.' Gwildor was never in He-Man. He's in this crap though. And he drugs Ator 4's wife with some GHB which causes her to make love to the little puppet. Is this scene for real? What he done is/was illegal.
This goofy score is abusing my inner eardrums. Tone down the music, please.
Ator 4 tries to kill the little Grizzlor from Nilbog but the blow is deflected with some, "I have spoken, this is the way," trash talk. He then meets Chaka Khan and is instructed to kill the Ewok again but it fails a second time and he becomes a prisoner of war trapped in Gwildor's man cave.
Ator 4 eventually splits the little gremlin in half then becomes 'Commando' and escapes the captured man lair and announces his desire to be Conan instead.
Wow - two knuckleheads, who are joined at the hip, are easily defeated by confined spaces then split in two by a cowardly Ator 4 backstab move.
Godzilla appears as the next wave of video game boss and is easily sliced opened and makes the same noises that the wizard from 'Conan the Destroyer' did.
This is the second time Ator 4 has moved a plastic movie prop and pretended that it was heavy.
They even have the gall to pull a 'Godfather' scene with a cat but the cat's an inanimate piece of plastic.
I don't know what this upbeat 'Fall Guy' music is as it's set in medieval times.
They're also trying to steal an Indiana Jones sequence here with the crumbling building and dead skeletons.
A sorceress, wearing an oversized domino on her head, desires Ator 4 and he becomes the apple in her eye so she sets a trap for him while he slays a gambler and then sets a woman on fire before walking around aimlessly lost in this movie's directionless plot with nothing to do and no purpose.
They're playing that hip, upbeat, 80's game show music again, which doesn't fit in. (Try and picture Robin Hood running around a castle as a score from 'The A-Team' plays.)
Another Nilbog troll shows up sporting Christopher Walken hair and is well spoken like a fine distinguished gentleman. (Or is it Frank Costanza hair?)
Him and some desperate pimple-faced wizard conspire to snare Valeria as they listened to the Guns and Roses song "You Could be Mine" too much and believed it.
The two baddies in this only want love and want to keep Ator 4 and Valeria as pets. Their intentions aren't really evil.
Aren't movie's supposed to entertain you? Then why am I sitting here thinking about the end of the world?
Dolph Lundgren can count his lucky stars he wasn't cast as the lead in this.
In the end, the guy with the blistered face picks up Troll 3, or Walken, and commits suicide in a tub of acid.
Ator 4 and what's-her-name run off like pixies happy as Larry and the melted troll returns and laughs before the end credits roll. Is that thing laughing at the viewer for enduring this nightmare? Is the joke on us?
People in this movie die but reappear unharmed and without explanation so it seems.
This movie is another torture device concocted by the entertainment industry to experiment on a gullible public who are already damaged from all the other mind-numbing crap they've been exposed to over the years.