Where to even begin...?
I LOVE JP1, JP2 was ok, JP3 was also just ok. JW1 was good! JW2 sucked. JW3 was BORING!
The main issue I had with this film. The entire, 'GENERIC EVIL COMPANY KIDNAPS SOMEONE UNIQUE, & OUR .... dinosaur SCIENTISTS.... Suddenly are now essentially, Ethan Hunt, Jason Bourne, & James Bond'...
The first 1+ HOUR is absolutely nothing but a kid/rescue mission... oh, you thought about maybe a... DINOSAUR!? Haha no silly... a cloned teenage girl, OBVIOUSLY!
I am not even joking. They even use those ridiculous titles to show "we are now in UTAH" "VEGAS", "MALTA" .... MALTA!?!? Yeah. They pretty much cover the planet to rescue this girl.
The 'bad guy' is SO generic, that I honestly don't remember his name. He also has some super meanie assassin type guys working for him, but don't worry guys!!! Because Chris Prats character is able to drive through buildings & even up stairs on his motorcycle, & Bryce Dallas' character...? The woman who basically just ran the control room of the new park? Yeah, in this one she is LITERALLY in a chase scene, jumping across rooftops..lol... seriously, this was EVERY mid 2010s action film, with some dinosaurs thrown in.
Oh.. a member of the evil genius group also has a laser pointer that upon pointing it at someone? Raptors suddenly go after them as if it's a dinosaur homing beacon lol. (Don't ask me how it works, it's never said...)
Apparently whenever there is a 65 million yr old meat eating dinosaur about to attack you... all you need to do is hold up your hand, as if you can use 'The Force' lol seriously... multiple people do... why would this work??? It's cringe after the 10th time.
Oh... & a character actually makes a "promise" to find a dinosaurs baby, & it's supposed to be a dramatic moment, & someone a row down I actually heard scoff & say, "did he just give his word to a lizard"? Lol!! Yeah, he did lol.
Twists & surprises? Yeah, those don't exist here. I knew everything that was going to happen, it was kind of pathetic how bad the script was. At NO point will you feel that any character is ever going to die.
The new 'bad' Dino? It's just once again another, "biggest carnivore to ever live" gimmick. Aaaand the final climatic battle? I'd say lasts around... 2 minutes? I'm not kidding.
Dinosaurs look worse than ANY of the 5 other films. In daylight they look ridiculously fake.
Original cast played no real purpose, plot wise. They were only to sell tickets.
IF you discount the entire first HOUR+ of the stupid kidnap thing... then I could probably say, "it wasn't too bad" ... however, given that this had more in common with Mission Impossible, than J. P.... It isn't good.
During the 1st hour, I kept recalling Ian Malcom from JP1... "Are there any DINOSAURS on this DINOSAUR tour??" Haha.
One of the all time franchises... it's become nothing more than a poorly written, bloated pointless script, with some of the more questionable CGI you'll ever see on a 1 billion dollar earner....
Wish I'd just seen TOP GUN, again.
I LOVE JP1, JP2 was ok, JP3 was also just ok. JW1 was good! JW2 sucked. JW3 was BORING!
The main issue I had with this film. The entire, 'GENERIC EVIL COMPANY KIDNAPS SOMEONE UNIQUE, & OUR .... dinosaur SCIENTISTS.... Suddenly are now essentially, Ethan Hunt, Jason Bourne, & James Bond'...
The first 1+ HOUR is absolutely nothing but a kid/rescue mission... oh, you thought about maybe a... DINOSAUR!? Haha no silly... a cloned teenage girl, OBVIOUSLY!
I am not even joking. They even use those ridiculous titles to show "we are now in UTAH" "VEGAS", "MALTA" .... MALTA!?!? Yeah. They pretty much cover the planet to rescue this girl.
The 'bad guy' is SO generic, that I honestly don't remember his name. He also has some super meanie assassin type guys working for him, but don't worry guys!!! Because Chris Prats character is able to drive through buildings & even up stairs on his motorcycle, & Bryce Dallas' character...? The woman who basically just ran the control room of the new park? Yeah, in this one she is LITERALLY in a chase scene, jumping across rooftops..lol... seriously, this was EVERY mid 2010s action film, with some dinosaurs thrown in.
Oh.. a member of the evil genius group also has a laser pointer that upon pointing it at someone? Raptors suddenly go after them as if it's a dinosaur homing beacon lol. (Don't ask me how it works, it's never said...)
Apparently whenever there is a 65 million yr old meat eating dinosaur about to attack you... all you need to do is hold up your hand, as if you can use 'The Force' lol seriously... multiple people do... why would this work??? It's cringe after the 10th time.
Oh... & a character actually makes a "promise" to find a dinosaurs baby, & it's supposed to be a dramatic moment, & someone a row down I actually heard scoff & say, "did he just give his word to a lizard"? Lol!! Yeah, he did lol.
Twists & surprises? Yeah, those don't exist here. I knew everything that was going to happen, it was kind of pathetic how bad the script was. At NO point will you feel that any character is ever going to die.
The new 'bad' Dino? It's just once again another, "biggest carnivore to ever live" gimmick. Aaaand the final climatic battle? I'd say lasts around... 2 minutes? I'm not kidding.
Dinosaurs look worse than ANY of the 5 other films. In daylight they look ridiculously fake.
Original cast played no real purpose, plot wise. They were only to sell tickets.
IF you discount the entire first HOUR+ of the stupid kidnap thing... then I could probably say, "it wasn't too bad" ... however, given that this had more in common with Mission Impossible, than J. P.... It isn't good.
During the 1st hour, I kept recalling Ian Malcom from JP1... "Are there any DINOSAURS on this DINOSAUR tour??" Haha.
One of the all time franchises... it's become nothing more than a poorly written, bloated pointless script, with some of the more questionable CGI you'll ever see on a 1 billion dollar earner....
Wish I'd just seen TOP GUN, again.