Marmaduke (2022)
3/10
Horrendously...interesting for dog lovers, perhaps
8 June 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Most of what you really need to know is covered by most of the other comments. Yes, juvenile gross-out humor is taken to a tasteless, obnoxious extreme. The people, dogs, cat, house, etc., all suggest a downgraded Puppy Dog Pals. Designs can be almost grotesque (e.g. The mom.) From start to finish it's deeply unoriginal. The animation is horrid, stiff and stilted.

Simmons sacrificed some pride for a relatively quick check. Like Sir Pat Stew, he must simply feel he has nothing left to prove. (I don't recognize the other two voice actors we're apparently supposed to.) At least his character is one of the better ones--a villainous Afghan hound with blindingly, hypnotically shiny hair. Typical do-anything-to-remain-top-dog type. My two favorites, easily, were Zeus (that Afghan) and Shantrelle (feels as if it should be Chantrelle?), the flirtatious hot-pink Standard Poodle with rather epic (for this animation level anyway) figure-skate-like dance moves. Aside from those two you had... -a "Staffordshire terrier" (presumably an American one), who looked something like a Bulldog/Cane Corso cross...whatever, your basic British-accented bully-breed type. Whose most impressive talent is lifting enormous multistory buildings full of people and dogs using his jaws.

-+1 Spanish-accented Chihuahua, for whom you're just waiting to say "Yo quiero Taco Bell!" Which all but happens.

-a wise mystic Shih Tzu who manipulates energy fields, performs martial arts, and...raps.

For just once I'd like to see a realistic depiction of a dog show in a cartoon--one that demonstrates at least the degree of knowledge I possessed as a small child. You can tell they've watched Westminster by the use of the iconic green carpet and purple/gold color scheme. But then they just combine the gaiting aspect of conformation (the main event that includes moving around the ring) with other, separate competitions, pageant-style. The same group is then challenged to resist a pizza slice for 30 seconds in the silly "obedience" round. Failure means elimination. Next comes an actually very cool obstacle course that's part Agility, part Ninja Warrior, part Wipeout. (Get that contact zone, Zeus...good boy.) That's followed by the open-ended "talent" acts, as if this is Pet Star...somebody call Mario Lopez. The backstage bench tags are bafflingly inconsistent. Some are the breed names, but then there's "hound." And "Marmaduke" instead of "Great Dane." They ignore breed judging and breed groups, simply tossing a random handful into the ring which just so happens to include a...Kuvasz. Whoa. Clearly somebody threw that tidbit in as another reward to me for sitting through this. As if they were giving me a choice in the first place (a pink Poodle and an Affie who reminds me of my Barbie and Show Champions ones, like C'MON!) The Kuvasz IS another favorite, but of all the rare breeds to pick out of a hat, man! Guess it could've been a fellow fan. And there IS one in Homeward Bound II, so...

Other obscure cgi dog movies come to mind. E.g. The Queen's Corgi--much less than stellar, overall better than Marmaduke, and a personal guilty pleasure thanks to the extremely Sasha LaFleur-like Saluki character. Speaking of which, there's the Indian Roadside Romeo. Doesn't live up to its potential but is fun enough to watch and has some great music. And so on. I've probably seen every animal movie ever, animated or live-action. Gotta say, this better have been as low-budgeted as it appears, because otherwise where in blazes did it get blown? The voices? As with TQC, there was zero marketing. It has to be shown to you when you're looking up something that's suddenly got a "play" button on the DVD queue (which is the only reason to have gotten Netflix in the first place. Blockbuster by mail. The digital nonsense is just a bonus.)

"It's for kids" is never an excuse for anything. Kids deserve quality and excellence that will not merely entertain them in youth, but become even more appreciable as they age. Certainly no blaspheming of timeless characters and titles, who shall be eternally treasured by all in their earlier/original forms. The majority of the best and most enduring media ever to be produced, has been. Mainly prior to ~2010. I'm unashamed to say that my gargantuan favorite-movie list is comprised in no small part of cherished childhood loves--a significant portion of which are animal-centric. The key to making a great one of these (especially in live-action, but largely in animation too) was lost seemingly for good sometime around the release of the first, live-action Marmaduke film. That one was meh. 5-6/10 at best. Ugh, live-action animal movies used to be done SO right. The comic is somewhere right below Garfield, Peanuts, and Calvin & Hobbes.
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