6/10
and it's free
19 January 2022
Warning: Spoilers
So it is a public broadcast television children's time slot fairy tale television play. And just like it become in the west - it's not live, and neither is it play. The crew have extensive experience of adapting other fairy tales for their PBS TV series and they know their craft. Even in this 9-hours-long production in a span of one week with no budget being a side hustle, there are framing, shot composition, dramatic close-ups and cinematic angles. This is beyond of amateur production, it has an artistic vision and deliberate adaptation choices. Even with the lack of time or any polish, the visual effects, costumes and sets were still unreachable for backyard filmmakers of the time. They could use anything they could find during the off-hours of the studio. The Soviet Union was always behind the curve technologically and pop-culturally didn't catch up until the 00s.

It is a fairy tale, like Hobbit book and especially Hobbit 1985, so there is an on-screen narrator character. It's more interested in whimsy and magical setting than in sexy elves fantasy for nerds or an anglo-saxon attempt at an iron dream. And while there is no direct relation, under the soviet regime in the system of the state-owned PBS TV you can feasible to consider this a sequel to the aforementioned Hobbit adaptation. It was made in the same studios and from the same production company.

So it opens by vocalizing the rings-counting epigraph as a song.

Bilbo introduces Frodo as a barely adult hobbit of 33 so the team took that notion to heart. He starts very childish, goofy and scatterbrain and has an ark transforming into a heroic and thoroughly fed up hobbit. Tom Bombadil is not just a meme and a merry fellow. It's not only about bright blue being his jacket and his boots being yellow. That section is the best part of the whole first book. It starts with a very strong sequence in creepy woods. Then it's a confusing encounter with something way beyond their small life in the Shire and even all the trade partners and neighbours. It goes into another fever sequence of them being dragged into underlife, culminating in Tom's display of absolute raw power and loot acquisition. That plot is so strong even this production with a budget of 2 ration stamps for bread, that will definitely arrive soon, you just need to believe, manages to capture and portray. These sequences are made creepy, nightmarish and art-housy, this ghost is played by a female and dubbed with a coarse male voice. Even with all explanations and declarations for the pre-schooler audience it still works. Tom is pretty good too. Jackson left all the Anglo-Saxon retcon backstory legend foundations for their dominion over the empire intact but removed the best part just because it is a fairy tale.

This Sauron has already gone mad with power. The Boromir is really solid in his obsession. And there is no Barlog, Gandalf fell being surrounded by orcs. They already did the giant eagle, could've dressed up a dude in red and make him wear pointy horns as well. During the last scenes, Frodo breaks an apple in two with bare hands on the screen. That's a thing more people should be aware of. I can't break every apple, but that's a cool party trick to know about.

The lack of budget means that both Gollums are played by humans. Before Tolkien decided to add the backstory and retconned him to not have two giant glowing in the dark eyes. One of the most popular depictions of him in our region was a nosey monster with saucer-size eyes. I don't remember that in our other children's time-slot TV shows, but here the characters often deliver their lines talking directly into the camera, facing the audience. Like some kind of Dora the Explorer. All the dramatic scenes dip deeper into the arthouse and often use noire or red lighting. The hobbits have mullets and hairy paws. And there are real horsies!

With how fast and amateur is chromakeying here, the baffling part is that Star Trek or even the King Kong remake are not that better, despite not even sharing the same universe of budgets.

The OST is interesting too, there are funky disco tunes, folk-rock, art-house vocalizations and contemporary future-electric like Vangelis.

The director was spreading rumours that she is thinking to make two more and if that happens that would be an absolute power move. That would be a win for the whole of humanity if she keeps her artistic choices and ultra-slim budget. That's actually probable if she just do it, especially with the modern tech of free to play means of production, where all you need is freeware open-source soft and a smartphone's camera.

These days with modern technology even you can probably make a movie better than this with your friends using the things you already have.

But ya didn't.
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