Dark Web (2016)
2/10
Maybe 2 good minutes.
21 March 2021
Movie opens following a vehicle column comprised of a tank, 2 armored vehicles, and an SUV. Along the way they blow up a NATO tank, which nobody in NATO seems to mind, and then somehow sneak up on a group of soldiers who charge into open ground and kneel to face off against the tank. Obviously they are slaughtered which is why no one in the universe would ever do that...all of this so they can kidnap an unarmed farmgirl that only required one person with a pistol? This sort of complete lack of sense is pretty much what you get for the whole film.

The only scenes that were worthwhile was one scene of the tank driving over a car and the slow motion scene of the girl changing with the nice backlit window and sudden, mysterious steam all around her. Honestly, I think that scene was the only reason they made the movie, because it seemed like the only scene they put any thought into.

And then there is Danny Glover, whose speaking scenes at least had some modicum of gravitas, but later he has an embarrassing scene of his blowing-a-gasket routine that he seems to do in every movie: arms flapping all a round, spittle streams everywhere...

The rest of the movie is a bunch of people randomly running through the wilderness, but all somehow constantly running into each other to have a few moments of bad dialog or siezure-inducing camera-shake fight scenes. In a couple of instances, the only way someone could have made it where they did is if they had transporter technology.

One could go on for awhile mentioning everything which makes no sense in this movie - the sniper with ghillie suit and bright red lipstick, the guys shrugging off arrows through the chest and leg, what the point of the masks where considering they were off as often as they were on - but I think the point is made.

Also, the music was terrible.

Setting was good.
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