Xena: Warrior Princess: Death in Chains (1995)
Season 1, Episode 9
6/10
The Battling Bard - Death Wish Declined
12 April 2019
Warning: Spoilers
King Sisyphus, whose name lies somewhere between an exotic fruit and a sexual disease has a plan to capture Celesta the Goddess of death so that he never has to die. When Celesta comes calling for him he invites her warmly and offers her food at the table before they depart. When she sits, she becomes manacled to the chair and parted from the flame she carries. Once the candle has been extinguished she will disappear and no one will be able to die ever. His wife has her doubts about all of this and if I had the prospect of spending all eternity with him I would too. He presents like the eccentric, creepy uncle that your parents never left you alone with.

In the meantime Xena and Gabrielle are attacked by this weeks motley group of thugs led by a man called Toyeus whom Xena has to kill, except she doesn't of course because death is taking an enforced sabbatical. Further down the road they meet Hades who rocks up on a chariot and tells Xena that Sisyphus has his sister captive and what the consequences of this are. She agrees to take the job on.

Next our heroes come across a group of travellers who had been recently hit by a landslide and are in pain and anguish, unable to die. Here, Gabrielle (new outfit) ventures into her third romantic tryst in as many weeks with a young man called Talus. The pair go on to administer what is possibly the most ineffectual first aid ever witnessesed by repeatedly dabbing a cloth to a graze on the side of a mans face whilst he lies there with probable crush injuries to the chest and abdomen. Talus then compounds the pain by telling a long and irrelevant story about the weather in Corinth or some such nonsense. Gabrielle later claims that it cheered the man up but judging by his face he was wishing he was still lying under the rocks.

Gabrielle is then attacked by the undead Toyeus and rescued by Xena who uses her chakram's buzzsaw facility to cut through a hefty branch and pin him down to the ground. Xena goes to the castle to confront Sisyphus, Gabrielle and Talus go to the hospital and Toyeus finds and kills his men to create an undead army.

Arriving at the hospital Gabrielle and Talus find an old woman crying out in desperate thrist. Gabrielle talks to her as Talus supoposedly fetches water. Gabrielle learns that if Xena is touched by Celeste she will die. She feels the need to warn her and they race off to the castle leaving the poor parched mouthed old lady to dehydrate further.

Xena confronts Sisyphus but ends up falling through a trap door into a dungeon complex. Gabrielle and Talus are split up and chased by Toyeus and his men. Talus keeps cluching at his chest. We're not sure what's wrong there but probably nothing that can't be resolved by the dabbing of a wet cloth. Xena and Talus meet up and are covered in rats. Talus confides in Xena that he's dying. They are overheard by the King's wife who wants to help them get to Celesta before the candle burns out. They confront Sisyphus and by drawing on his own back story manages to convince the king to free Celesta but not before they have one last showndown with Toyeus and his men. They free Celesta and the bad guys start dying of their original wounds. We imagine Celesta has a massive backlog to sort out but she chooses to take Talus now with his gastric heartburn, much to the anguish of Gabrielle whom Xena has to uncomfortably comfort.

This episode is enjoyable enough but similar to "Cradle of Hope" in that I felt it lacked some of the trademark humour and was a little anaemic at times. The one episode, romantic infactuations wear thin after a while and things improve when the writers realise that the strength of the series lies within core relationships and explore those instead.

Memorable Scene: Gabrielle hiding from Toyeus and showing discomfort at getting close and personal with a rat. No acting required for Renee here.

Quote: Gabrielle: "So what do you think of Talus?" Xena: (rolls eyes) "He's nice"
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