Review of Beowulf

Beowulf (2007)
1/10
Garbageowulf
19 April 2018
Warning: Spoilers
This movie is an insult to the original poem.

I have to wonder why some people make movies based on stories or characters they hate (as the director himself has admitted). I also wonder how anyone can hate Beowulf, one of the greatest stories ever told. How is that even possible?

When I first heard that they were making a movie based on Beowulf, I was so excited. I could almost picture it in my head. Misty landscapes, dark, scary forests...I looked forward to the epic battle between Beowulf and Grendel, and the heroic (and tragic) fight with the dragon.

What I got instead was a soulless CGI movie made by people who really hate Beowulf. A deconstructed version of the epic poem, full of politically correct nonsense. Beowulf isn't portrayed as a hero in this movie. Instead, he's a lying manwhore who sleeps with everything that moves. Grendel is just a poor misunderstood creature and King Hrothgar's illegitimate son. Almost every male character in this movie is stupid/evil/perverted/cruel and likes to have sex with female monsters.

What's the point? Why make movies like this? Movies where the hero is as bad as everyone else, or worse. It's immoral, mean-spirited and dangerous. It's cynical, anti-heroic, anti-Christian, anti-male and extremely boring. What a nihilistic piece of trash.

I hope someone'll make a good version of Beowulf in the near future, but I really doubt it. This should have been made much earlier, when someone like Ray Harryhausen lived. Modern filmmakers aren't interested in heroes like Beowulf, they only want to deconstruct and politicize everything.

Someone should make a movie where Robert Zemeckis life is deconstructed in the same way he deconstructed Beowulf.
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