Batman (1989)
1/10
The greatest disappointment of its time
17 February 2018
Yes, I gave it one star while everybody are jumping and cheering this "timeless classic". Here is why we in Eastern Europe utterly hate this movie.

It was 1989. Communism was crippling. We already saw its end ahead. The red stars were still up, the Soviet Union was still there, but there were talks of their troops leaving Hungary after 40 years, and that free elections are ahead. It was an ecstatic moment of history. Optimism was everywhere and the once feared old commies were nothing but toothless lions any more. We knew that freedom is just around the corner and we'll soon live like Austrians or West Germans. I was 13 at the time, and felt like opening a big gift which contains my future.

In these days this movie has arrived. It was the first one to have an American style marketing campaign. We've never experienced such a thing. Movies were played in the cinema, there were posters, maybe trailers on TV, and that's all. But this was something different now. It was more than just a movie. Batman was suddenly everywhere. They were talking about Batman on TV, there were Batman quiz shows on every radio, there were long educational sessions about who is Batman, how important he is to American culture. T-shirts, bags, stickers and everything else with the Batman logo appeared everywhere. You suddenly weren't cool if you didn't have at least one Batman item, at least a keychain. It was all like: OMG go and see this thing, BATMAN, you get it, BATMAN, your life isn't complete until you've seen BATMAN, how come you haven't seen BATMAN yet?! Remember. B-A-T-M-A-N. Got it?

Needless to say, after such a campaign the Hungarians flocked into the cinemas to see this unmatched wonder. Gee, it must really be something big! After all, we are experiencing big things these days. Lenin's statues are falling, János Kádár, the Commie dictator has just bitten the dust, the Russkies are leaving, a McDonald's has just opened downtown, all right, so now we get another awesome thing, Batman, right?

And then we left the cinema in eerie silence and utter disappointment. What the hell was this pointless clusterfuck?! A retarded show of banal tropes laced with wanton graphic violence. Who was the idiot who told us that this is a good movie? It was literally the worst thing we've ever seen!

Suddenly Batman disappeared from Hungary as if it hasn't ever been there, and only a few Batman school bags indicated that it was ever there. But it wasn't a good idea to use it to school any more, unless you wanted to embarrass yourself for the rest of your studies.

Batman turned out to be quite symbolic to us. The whole freedom thing was a similar scam. When we got it, we wished the Russians were back. And McDonald's turned out to be overpriced utter shit too, compared to the good old street burgers which were already sold everywhere by simple Hungarian businesses. Ironically, while their burgers were the symbol of change in the 1980s, now it's sold as "retro burgers" as a symbol of wishing those times back.
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