I thought we had hit rock bottom with Batman & Robin in '97 regarding comic-book movie adaptions, but then I discovered this amazing production that takes it even further, oh boy..
The story starts with our main action hero John Henry Irons (played by professional basketball player Shaquille O'Neal) who is in the army creating and testing new super-weapons. One soldier named Nathaniel Burke (Judd Nelson) for some reason decides to set a weapon to maximum when John's team is testing a new sonic gun, which blows up the building the team is in. The building collapses which cripples John's partner Susan "Sparky" Sparks (Annabeth Gish). John doesn't like that and leaves the army as does Burke who is dismissed from the military for doing stupid things like blowing up buildings he is standing in... While John goes back to LA and takes a shot at a three-pointer (which he misses, isn't that hilarious?!? An actor who is a professional basketball player misses a shot? Well wait till you see the other basketball jokes...!), the evil Burke teams up with a video arcade manager (???) to hatch a plot to sell the not-so-secret high-tech weapons to criminal gangs. John witnesses a bank robbery organized by over the top acting gangsters wielding the high-tech weapons he helped designing. Because he is unarmed, he decides to chase one gang member armed with a high tech gun who makes a run for it, because you don't just shoot down John! After going unarmed to the not-so-secret hide- out of the over the top acting gangsters and not getting any information, John decides that enough is enough. He goes to get Sparky Susan, who is very depressed being wheelchair-bound but is instantly happy by just opening some windows, get's her to work for him and with the help of Uncle Joe (?? who?), in-explainable technology and some lame 80's music he forges a suit of armor and bring Justice to the city, HA!
Let me start that there is absolutely nothing in this movie that can be defined as "good". The acting is extremely bad, not only is our main hero a lame actor but the rest of the cast is also not really going for any awards here. The special effects look awful, those super-weapon look like cheap firework and the Steel suit is comparable to what you could wear to a larp event. How the suit operates is never explained, magic I guess? Shaquille also looks really silly in this costume, I almost fell off my couch from laughter when he waves his finger at the gangsters when they try to shoot him. The plot is behind stupid as well and it makes no sense whatsoever. The main villain want to lease weapons because he is the only one where they can charge up the guns? Why don't they just shoot him and take the guns for free?
You can ask yourself that question a thousand time during this movie: "why don't just shoot him/her!?". Especially when John goes chasing an armed gangster unarmed and when Sparky Susan fires off her wheelchair guns... Oh my goodness that was another moment when I couldn't stop laughing. I never laugh at people in wheelchairs but this looked so ridiculous that I just couldn't help myself. Ow and don't get me started on the basketball puns, I completely lost it and had tears in my eyes from laughter during the final act when he has to throw a grenade trough a hole. "I never make these!". Ow make it stop!
Steel is an awful movie but it's so bad that you should watch it for the laughs. If they hired some comedy actors and marketed this as a parody, it could have worked though.
The story starts with our main action hero John Henry Irons (played by professional basketball player Shaquille O'Neal) who is in the army creating and testing new super-weapons. One soldier named Nathaniel Burke (Judd Nelson) for some reason decides to set a weapon to maximum when John's team is testing a new sonic gun, which blows up the building the team is in. The building collapses which cripples John's partner Susan "Sparky" Sparks (Annabeth Gish). John doesn't like that and leaves the army as does Burke who is dismissed from the military for doing stupid things like blowing up buildings he is standing in... While John goes back to LA and takes a shot at a three-pointer (which he misses, isn't that hilarious?!? An actor who is a professional basketball player misses a shot? Well wait till you see the other basketball jokes...!), the evil Burke teams up with a video arcade manager (???) to hatch a plot to sell the not-so-secret high-tech weapons to criminal gangs. John witnesses a bank robbery organized by over the top acting gangsters wielding the high-tech weapons he helped designing. Because he is unarmed, he decides to chase one gang member armed with a high tech gun who makes a run for it, because you don't just shoot down John! After going unarmed to the not-so-secret hide- out of the over the top acting gangsters and not getting any information, John decides that enough is enough. He goes to get Sparky Susan, who is very depressed being wheelchair-bound but is instantly happy by just opening some windows, get's her to work for him and with the help of Uncle Joe (?? who?), in-explainable technology and some lame 80's music he forges a suit of armor and bring Justice to the city, HA!
Let me start that there is absolutely nothing in this movie that can be defined as "good". The acting is extremely bad, not only is our main hero a lame actor but the rest of the cast is also not really going for any awards here. The special effects look awful, those super-weapon look like cheap firework and the Steel suit is comparable to what you could wear to a larp event. How the suit operates is never explained, magic I guess? Shaquille also looks really silly in this costume, I almost fell off my couch from laughter when he waves his finger at the gangsters when they try to shoot him. The plot is behind stupid as well and it makes no sense whatsoever. The main villain want to lease weapons because he is the only one where they can charge up the guns? Why don't they just shoot him and take the guns for free?
You can ask yourself that question a thousand time during this movie: "why don't just shoot him/her!?". Especially when John goes chasing an armed gangster unarmed and when Sparky Susan fires off her wheelchair guns... Oh my goodness that was another moment when I couldn't stop laughing. I never laugh at people in wheelchairs but this looked so ridiculous that I just couldn't help myself. Ow and don't get me started on the basketball puns, I completely lost it and had tears in my eyes from laughter during the final act when he has to throw a grenade trough a hole. "I never make these!". Ow make it stop!
Steel is an awful movie but it's so bad that you should watch it for the laughs. If they hired some comedy actors and marketed this as a parody, it could have worked though.