Please shoot the people who invented CGI! 3 May 2017 One star each for the farting dogs!
What the bloody hell did I just watch? Well, I'll tell you...
Two hours of randomly assembled scenes of shiny inanity suffused with terrific computer generated artistry. But the artistry was wasted as every other aspect of the film failed to match it.
An extremely annoying child with a horrible northern (English) accent meets a puny, self-loathing giant elf. They become chums and decide to ask the Queen of England for help in their quest to stop the really big giants eating all the children. The helicopters swoop in and save the day!
At first, I thought this was simply another instance of the arrogance of Hollywood inflicting their sadistic will on humanity. But the more I think about it, the more I think that, actually, Hollywood is deliberately churning out this disgraceful bilge-water so kids will start reading books again! There's no other explanation that I can think of as to how this travesty of celluloid ever got past the 'ideas on the back of a napkin' stage!
Even the rubbish TV cartoon version made in 1989 outwits this crap-fest on every level - apart from the aforementioned visual effects!
The movie is very slow... not helped by the extremely simple story. The plot seems to have been padded out with lengthy scenes of shiny, bright lights just to meet the minimum required running time that a movie has to have. All the humor is misguided, misplaced and unfunny... ALL of it... although I did enjoy the two farting dogs!
Not one of the characters has any appeal... apart from the brilliant farting dogs! You just want to punch the stupid girl in the face and shoot the miserable giant elf in the temple... The entire Buckingham House scene should have been cut out. It was just embarrassing to sit through.
Oh, and if your kids do see this - you'd better tell them that if they jump out of tall buildings there won't be anyone there to catch them! Yeah... incredibly, this actually happened!
Is Spielberg working like a food critic these days? You know... someone eats at the restaurant, writes the review and the big name foodie gets the credit? I can't believe the same person who directed 'Jaws' had a hand in this clunker!
What the bloody hell did I just watch? Well, I'll tell you...
Two hours of randomly assembled scenes of shiny inanity suffused with terrific computer generated artistry. But the artistry was wasted as every other aspect of the film failed to match it.
An extremely annoying child with a horrible northern (English) accent meets a puny, self-loathing giant elf. They become chums and decide to ask the Queen of England for help in their quest to stop the really big giants eating all the children. The helicopters swoop in and save the day!
At first, I thought this was simply another instance of the arrogance of Hollywood inflicting their sadistic will on humanity. But the more I think about it, the more I think that, actually, Hollywood is deliberately churning out this disgraceful bilge-water so kids will start reading books again! There's no other explanation that I can think of as to how this travesty of celluloid ever got past the 'ideas on the back of a napkin' stage!
Even the rubbish TV cartoon version made in 1989 outwits this crap-fest on every level - apart from the aforementioned visual effects!
The movie is very slow... not helped by the extremely simple story. The plot seems to have been padded out with lengthy scenes of shiny, bright lights just to meet the minimum required running time that a movie has to have. All the humor is misguided, misplaced and unfunny... ALL of it... although I did enjoy the two farting dogs!
Not one of the characters has any appeal... apart from the brilliant farting dogs! You just want to punch the stupid girl in the face and shoot the miserable giant elf in the temple... The entire Buckingham House scene should have been cut out. It was just embarrassing to sit through.
Oh, and if your kids do see this - you'd better tell them that if they jump out of tall buildings there won't be anyone there to catch them! Yeah... incredibly, this actually happened!
Is Spielberg working like a food critic these days? You know... someone eats at the restaurant, writes the review and the big name foodie gets the credit? I can't believe the same person who directed 'Jaws' had a hand in this clunker!