What an absolute monstrosity of a film. I cannot describe the hideousness that is "The Legend of Tarzan" - Legend? Really? Hardly a legend. If I could give minus stars, I would.
First of all, I must apologise for the negativity in this review, I just have a genuine hate for this tosh. The writer of the original Tarzan would be astounded by how awful this is.
OK, the actors - just because you paid big money for big actors, does not make your film big at all... And has Sam Jackson ever turned down a movie?$$$
Margot Robbie is pretty but it seems that pretty is all she is, she is absolutely one of the worst actresses I have ever watched. She is just annoying, boring, bland and I could not have picked anyone worse to play Jane. I know the first ever Jane was American but Margot is not and she does not portray a good American either, Jane should always be a British character, it just suits a lot better. Why not Rachel Wiesz? She even looks like a Jane (and is British)! Margot Robbie stick to what you're good at which is getting naked.
Christoph Waltz did a great job playing his usual bad guy character, I mean it can't have been hard to decide who could play this part...
Samuel did his usual funny cool guy act - I usually enjoy it, not in this.
Alexander Skarsgård (that blonde guy from Zoolander/weird vampire) was absolutely dreadful, if he played even a remotely decent part I would have given 2 stars, but no, just awful. So Tarzan had been "home" for what, a few years and in that time he is a prim and proper British man? I had trouble believing that - of course I may be incorrect on the timings, but I struggled to even watch this crap, never mind concentrate on dates.
The story line - what? who? where? when? why? what?!!?! Why did Tarzan go back to Africa? Why does Jane insist on going along? For the selfish reason of turning it into a rescue mission? If Jane didn't insist on going along, then there would be absolutely no reason to have this film? It was literally created so Tarzan can save Jane? Oh, I have never seen a film like that before! What is it with Jane? Why is she so randy all of the time? With children around as well... God, I STILL cannot get over how disturbing the "mating call" scene was, like yeah Tarzan, you're putting yourself out, we get it, you wanna do it with Jane. Just get it over with? We don't need to see about 5 different "mating calls" and have Jane tell us what it is just so you can confirm you want to bang.
I'm not sure if this film is supposed to be remotely realistic or not, but Tarzan calling all the animals at the end, to have them trample all over the bad guys, and surprisingly not kill any of the good guys, is just ridiculous. Jane was right in the heart of the trampling but didn't have a single scratch on her?! Even the men looking after her were killed but she was not? It just doesn't make sense and it's annoying me. Another thing that did not add up, the African tribesmen, why were they so buff? Seriously? I understand they will most likely eat nothing but fresh meat and the occasional vegetable, but this would not give you the look of a common gym goer... These guys are on an insane training program, and a crazy body builder diet. They are actual units. Just watch a documentary or even google African tribesmen, and you will see their usual physique! Their realistic appearance!
I cannot believe their budget was an estimated $180,000,000, OK so why was the CGI absolutely tragic? It looked like something from a video game.
To summarise, if you love all the other Tarzan films, and like me, absolutely adore the Disney version of Tarzan, and would like to see sort of a sequel to those films, do not watch this. If you are looking for something realistic and exciting, do not watch this. If you are looking to waste 110 minutes on something boring (trust me, it is boring), with absolutely no thrilling scenes at all, then watch this! Or, alternatively, you could just do something else? It's your choice?
First of all, I must apologise for the negativity in this review, I just have a genuine hate for this tosh. The writer of the original Tarzan would be astounded by how awful this is.
OK, the actors - just because you paid big money for big actors, does not make your film big at all... And has Sam Jackson ever turned down a movie?$$$
Margot Robbie is pretty but it seems that pretty is all she is, she is absolutely one of the worst actresses I have ever watched. She is just annoying, boring, bland and I could not have picked anyone worse to play Jane. I know the first ever Jane was American but Margot is not and she does not portray a good American either, Jane should always be a British character, it just suits a lot better. Why not Rachel Wiesz? She even looks like a Jane (and is British)! Margot Robbie stick to what you're good at which is getting naked.
Christoph Waltz did a great job playing his usual bad guy character, I mean it can't have been hard to decide who could play this part...
Samuel did his usual funny cool guy act - I usually enjoy it, not in this.
Alexander Skarsgård (that blonde guy from Zoolander/weird vampire) was absolutely dreadful, if he played even a remotely decent part I would have given 2 stars, but no, just awful. So Tarzan had been "home" for what, a few years and in that time he is a prim and proper British man? I had trouble believing that - of course I may be incorrect on the timings, but I struggled to even watch this crap, never mind concentrate on dates.
The story line - what? who? where? when? why? what?!!?! Why did Tarzan go back to Africa? Why does Jane insist on going along? For the selfish reason of turning it into a rescue mission? If Jane didn't insist on going along, then there would be absolutely no reason to have this film? It was literally created so Tarzan can save Jane? Oh, I have never seen a film like that before! What is it with Jane? Why is she so randy all of the time? With children around as well... God, I STILL cannot get over how disturbing the "mating call" scene was, like yeah Tarzan, you're putting yourself out, we get it, you wanna do it with Jane. Just get it over with? We don't need to see about 5 different "mating calls" and have Jane tell us what it is just so you can confirm you want to bang.
I'm not sure if this film is supposed to be remotely realistic or not, but Tarzan calling all the animals at the end, to have them trample all over the bad guys, and surprisingly not kill any of the good guys, is just ridiculous. Jane was right in the heart of the trampling but didn't have a single scratch on her?! Even the men looking after her were killed but she was not? It just doesn't make sense and it's annoying me. Another thing that did not add up, the African tribesmen, why were they so buff? Seriously? I understand they will most likely eat nothing but fresh meat and the occasional vegetable, but this would not give you the look of a common gym goer... These guys are on an insane training program, and a crazy body builder diet. They are actual units. Just watch a documentary or even google African tribesmen, and you will see their usual physique! Their realistic appearance!
I cannot believe their budget was an estimated $180,000,000, OK so why was the CGI absolutely tragic? It looked like something from a video game.
To summarise, if you love all the other Tarzan films, and like me, absolutely adore the Disney version of Tarzan, and would like to see sort of a sequel to those films, do not watch this. If you are looking for something realistic and exciting, do not watch this. If you are looking to waste 110 minutes on something boring (trust me, it is boring), with absolutely no thrilling scenes at all, then watch this! Or, alternatively, you could just do something else? It's your choice?