On the strength of the first two episodes of Barracuda, Christos Tsiolkas has failed dismally to recreate the elements that made The Slap the kind of drama that had everybody talking. There is no equivalent social issue. There are no similarly recognisable suburban archetypes. And the plotting falls well short of compelling. The first episode barely lifts itself above the level of Neighbours or Home & Away. Indeed, they've both done similar stories, and done them just as well. Much of the dialogue is also risible ("I've always admired the working class" says Helen Morse, as Tsiolkos's idea of a haughty society matron.) And while the director delivers pretty pictures of athletic bodies and swimming races, the performances he gets from his cast are mostly sub-standard. Rachel Griffiths struggles to make anything of a fatally under-written character. And our would-be hero is played by an actor with eyebrows that recall the Thunderbirds marionettes, except that they don't move - which leaves him with precisely two expressions: wet and dry. The stars are mostly for the actors' abs.