Where do I even begin? The opening song? Okay! Well, this song is worse than Randy Newman. "We're having fun in Balloonland" No, we are not! "Down in cow-jumping-over-the-moon-land. Look at the float, ain't it ducky?" Ducky? What does that even mean? If it has anything to do with the movie Down And Dirty Duck, I'm not going to like this at all! "Hey, kids, now aren't we lucky?" Not if we're watching this garbage! This film was made by Giant Balloon Parades, Incorporated, so what that means is that this piece of crap is just propaganda for their company. Needless to say, they're not really around anymore. Anywho, the first scene we get after the Neutral Milk Hotel sound quality opening (Note: I actually love NMH, but that joke was way to good to resist) is a woman sitting in a chair, looking at the director to give her the cue to start reading. Seriously! She is totally waiting for her cue! After her bad acting, for some reason Sonny wakes up and finds himself in Balloon Land. Deepest sympathies, Sonny. Apparently, some magic spell has made everyone fall asleep, and the magical balloon prince has to kiss the princess so everyone can wake up. So, then we see these two 50-feet balloons kissing, which in this is just them slamming their faces together like you would do with your action figures as a child. Whatever. After that, this pedophile wizard takes Sonny underwater (I guess he has gills now) and Sonny spends his time being a jerk to a lobster by running slowly and saying "Can't catch me!" over and over. Also, the octopus threatens to choke Sonny (Please do!) but he doesn't. This movie is only 15 minutes in, but it's 52 minutes long, so they then cut to the most boring parade ever witnessed. At first, she is way too unenthusiastic to be a part of this. And I don't blame her. These are the most pointless balloons ever conceived. Seriously, they even have a balloon of a mouse running up the clock a la the "Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock" rhyme. But then the narrator gets into the parade. And I mean INTO. "Wow, kids. Look at the soldier. He's so long and tall and straight. I'd let you guard me any time." What the heck? Fifty Shades of Balloons? Then the cinematographer starts creepily filming children in the crowd. Then the movie is over and they sing the opening song, but in the past tense. That is Fun In Balloon Land. What's good about this movie? The only positive is that one of Sonny's friends is actually pretty adorable, but beyond that, this is the WORST MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN! THE ACTING STINKS, THE EFFECTS SUCK, THE PLOT... WHAT PLOT?!!! IT'S THE WORST EXCUSE FOR A MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN! I'm not surprised to find that no one is credited to this movie, and I can't help but wonder what happened to the people involved with this trash. What about Sonny? The director? The cinematographer who was guerrilla filming children? Well, I have a guess about what happened to him...
Review of Fun in Balloon Land
