Review of Top Line

Top Line (1988)
2/10
Serious spoilers
15 August 2015
Warning: Spoilers
Sadly, this was a good story with a fairly decent cast which was spoiled by a bad director & bad screenwriter. This movie focuses all of its energy on the worst scenes. Starting off with a drunken has-been schlock writer hitting up everyone for money. A boring start to put everyone to sleep.

Then his finding a truly unbelievable unrealistic unremarkable unidentifiable UFO with a human ship inside a jungle mountain cave. If I had not read the plot & comments, I never would have known that was a UFO with a sea vessel. You could not tell either by looking at it. What the heck was the point of putting a 500 year old sea vessel on the UF0? Other than to say it was a ship lost between Panama & Spain 500 years earlier. Surely a better way to establish timeline than that. It just created an unrecognizable conglomeration which the audience could not decipher and was not on the screen long enough to identify... even using freeze frame. The only time you get to see what the UF0 looked like was a pottery model of it at the very end.

3/4 of this movie deteriorates into nonstop, shoot-em-up Matlock chase scenes where every ridiculous global gov't organization hunts them down. One boring chase scenario after another. They never explained how anyone knew he had seen the UFO in order to be waiting to kill him upon his hotel arrival immediately following his discovery. They should have inserted a phone call prior to his arrival to establish a reason he was being pursued.

Again, only the plot description & reviews clarified what was occurring. It certainly wasn't clear in the film. Apparently, this director thought an entire movie of shooting chase scenes could appeal to an audience. But wasted all of his opportunity money scenes.

They dubbed George Kennedy's voice with someone else. Even his laugh. What kind of moron would replace George Kennedy's distinctive, award winning, recognizable voice? That would be as logical as hiding Miss Universe under a paper bag.

The slimy faced cyborg scenes with ooze & dangling eye were ridiculously laughable.

While a lot of filming time went into morphing his wife into an alien, it was poorly done, unrealistic effects in the dark and the voice was so distorted you could barely understand it. Not to mention the alien body did not sell the perception of being believable as human impostors... much less as his own wife. This should have been a money scene & highlight of the film which came across as a wet claymation, poor mans puppeteer fiasco with nearly unintelligible audio.

They also missed the opportunity to see inside the UFO & unnecessarily screwed it up further by needlessly adding an earth sea ship in the same mountain cave as if they had both been manually stuffed inside an unbelievable location... rather than finding a lone UFO in a more rational discovery location.

The premise might have been more believable if more of the film had been spent on the aliens & their agenda with a more believable alien physique & appearance from better spent effects & makeup companies. It was clear the crew was hired by nepotism rather than talent.

The entire movie was poorly directed, poorly executed & poorly scripted. It missed every opportunity to utilize talent & significant plot opportunities and wasted the film on cheap chase scenes, shootings, drunken lothario scenes & ruined potential good scenes with bad makeup, bad effects, bad writing & bad directing.

Not worth watching unless you want to see the story butchered by bad direction & effects.
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