What a horrible movie. I downloaded this, and it's just simply, laughably bad. I turned it off and deleted it about twenty minutes in and never looked back.
I endured squatters in a CIA agent's house (whom he threatens by opening his gun safe that's just sort of sitting there), and they're not your average squatters. Oh my, no. They're African squatters, and you've never seen a more clichéd bunch. All that's missing is the bones through the nose, and since I turned the movie off I can't swear that none appear.
I put up with a ridiculous scene with said agent and his high-school aged daughter, and all I could think of was Full House. Bob Sagat would be proud of Kevin Costner. For that matter, the Olsen twins would love the girl that plays his daughter.
I also made it through the introductory shoot-em-up at a hotel, a fact that is a testimony to my strong physical constitution. A lesser man would have died from a combination of empathetic shame for the poor people in this movie and from the pure embarrassment of sitting through the atrocious action sequence.
But yeah, I turned it off. It took all that was bad about The Bourne Identity (and the plethora of knockoffs there) and Taken (not that there was a lot bad to take from that one), mixed it with a hefty dose of 80s sitcom/soap opera divorced-and-estranged-parent/abandoned-and-resentful- child drama, and wrapped it all up with every horrible spy cliché in the book. And, I mean, this wouldn't have been bad in and of itself. Stallone did the same thing with the Expendables franchise and I enjoyed every satirical minute of it. Why? Because Stallone was making a film that was intended to be satirical. This film, on the other hand, was meant to be taken seriously.
3 Days to Die? Three minutes to delete, is more like it.
I endured squatters in a CIA agent's house (whom he threatens by opening his gun safe that's just sort of sitting there), and they're not your average squatters. Oh my, no. They're African squatters, and you've never seen a more clichéd bunch. All that's missing is the bones through the nose, and since I turned the movie off I can't swear that none appear.
I put up with a ridiculous scene with said agent and his high-school aged daughter, and all I could think of was Full House. Bob Sagat would be proud of Kevin Costner. For that matter, the Olsen twins would love the girl that plays his daughter.
I also made it through the introductory shoot-em-up at a hotel, a fact that is a testimony to my strong physical constitution. A lesser man would have died from a combination of empathetic shame for the poor people in this movie and from the pure embarrassment of sitting through the atrocious action sequence.
But yeah, I turned it off. It took all that was bad about The Bourne Identity (and the plethora of knockoffs there) and Taken (not that there was a lot bad to take from that one), mixed it with a hefty dose of 80s sitcom/soap opera divorced-and-estranged-parent/abandoned-and-resentful- child drama, and wrapped it all up with every horrible spy cliché in the book. And, I mean, this wouldn't have been bad in and of itself. Stallone did the same thing with the Expendables franchise and I enjoyed every satirical minute of it. Why? Because Stallone was making a film that was intended to be satirical. This film, on the other hand, was meant to be taken seriously.
3 Days to Die? Three minutes to delete, is more like it.