Splinter (I) (2008)
Splintery gorefest wipeout
18 May 2013
Confession time: I got this movie because Jill Wagner is in it. I'd seen her on Wipeout a few times and she has a cool kind of charisma – the only good part of the show (sorry, smarmy, snarky guy hosts). When I saw the preview, I thought "that looks mildly entertaining," then I saw her name and put it on the list.

It's a decent movie with a solid concept – some sort of splintery, fungus type thing that feeds off of blood or flesh and reanimates corpses by some splintery, gory but ineffective means. It's a mindless kind of monster, driven by hunger and causing slimy, sloppy corpses to slam repeatedly into barriers like cars, windows and beer coolers.

As a writer of paranormal fiction, I should probably have more refined tastes, but I enjoy these horror movies with all the familiar tropes: the beautiful, headstrong girl in her de rigueur tank top, the geeky and hopelessly inadequate boyfriend with round spectacles and just the right kind of "book learning," the savage criminal with a deeply hidden streak of good, and all the various other characters that end up in the belly of the beast.

Jill was fine as "firecracker" Polly Watt, and I hope she makes it into more movies soon, but Shea Whigham (incredible in Boardwalk Empire) was the standout. Menacing, laconic and seemingly barely able to contain an oversized amount of rage boiling within him. He got all the good lines, and for good reason.

This movie will not change your world view, and it won't make you jump or scream or squirm (though I did look away from a couple of scenes – come on, I was eating a chili dog and steaming human entrails look a LOT like child dogs), but it will scratch the horror itch.

--www.cowboyandvampire.com--
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